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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About to join Match.com but have spotted a father from my children's school on it ...

30 replies

NotSos · 10/07/2016 17:14

... and is quite cute, and from his profile sounds like a nice guy! I can't bear to put my picture on now as he will know it is me immediately. Is it unreasonable to join Match.com and NOT put a picture on, see if anyone contacts me based on personality alone??? And/or if he does? Thanks for any advice. I was actually hoping just to sneak on and see what is out there without having to join, but am being lured into joining by 'winks' and emails from people, that I cannot access until I fully sign up. Am a bit scared! Someone please reassure me that it is no big deal, I am not even sure I want to meet someone, just curious after having a romantic fling on holiday and realising what I am missing!! Think 'Before Sunrise' for a 40 year old :-)

OP posts:
travellinglighter · 10/07/2016 17:17

Make a note of his profile name, sign up and block him. He won’t be able to see you.

There was a girl on POF when I was on it, I was less shy than you, she was way out of my league though.

c3pu · 10/07/2016 17:18

Very few people respond to profiles without pics.

It usually means they're married.

Original poster
NotSos · 10/07/2016 17:25

Thanks for the good advice to both of you. Good point about being married. Ok, I think I will sign up, block him and then add my photo, in that order! Does any good ever come of it ... ?

OP posts:
AllChangeLife · 10/07/2016 17:28

Er. if he is cute and sounds like a nice guy why are you trying to hide from him?!

hazeimcgee · 10/07/2016 17:30

Agree with AllChange. Put photo on and he may not even see you but if he does he'll either wink / message pr never mention it. Just don't worry about it.
Also if you know he's single and looking, maybe a friendly hi in the playground...

VioletVaccine · 10/07/2016 17:30

I don't know, personally I'd skip past any profile without a picture, as I'd wonder what they have to hide. Maybe that's just me but personally I'd skip by a no picture ad, in case they were married and just looking for a quick shag or too far different in age or appearance than their profile says

I'd do what travelling suggests, sign up and just block him...unless you actually like him? You are both single, and tentatively looking at dating, and you said he's cute?Wink

Windsofwinter · 10/07/2016 17:31

Er. if he is cute and sounds like a nice guy why are you trying to hide from him?!

This. Or you could strike up a conversation in the playground first before you decide?

VioletVaccine · 10/07/2016 17:32

Oops, big cross post with everybody Grin Blush

Original poster
NotSos · 10/07/2016 17:32

I would just be so embarrassed for him to know that I am on it too, both of us blanking each other in the playground everyday etc. But it has given me an advantage, as I did not know that he was single, or anything about him, but now I see him in a new light!

OP posts:
SaggyNaggy · 10/07/2016 17:34

Id forget signig up right now and approach the cute playground guy first Wink

Original poster
NotSos · 10/07/2016 17:35

Actually have only spoken to him very briefly once just before we broke up for the summer holidays, with no ulterior motive, so can maybe say 'Hi' again in September with my insider knowledge :-)

OP posts:
Doinmummy · 10/07/2016 17:38

On line dating is not a taboo subject any more, nothing to be embarrassed about . You're in the same boat as this guy so I wouldn't block him .

Hope you find true love and if you don't have fun anyway !

Original poster
NotSos · 10/07/2016 17:39

Although what is that saying - 'A dog never **s in its own back yard' ... as I will have to see this guy most days in the playground for the next few years.

Ok well thanks all for the advice, will mull it over.

OP posts:
c3pu · 10/07/2016 17:40

Thing with Match.com is they are after making money. I've heard a lot of horror stories about fake winks/emails etc, just to keep the users paying money.

Have you tried any of the free dating ones?

Original poster
NotSos · 10/07/2016 17:45

Thanks c3pu, yes I did wonder about that as I saw that program too, totally fake messages etc. Actually which are the free ones, like a normal one with real people on it, not just tinder and the like?

OP posts:
JOEYDOESNTSHAREFOOD · 10/07/2016 18:11

What's the programme? I'm on match, well I've just stopped as I'm seeing someone, but I got messaged a few times with the opening message insinuating that I was probably fake.

trafalgargal · 10/07/2016 18:14

Why would you be more or less embarrassed than him?
You are both single and looking to meet new people. What is so embarrassing? He's a similar age to you so knows once you get beyond your twenties especially with kids it isn't so easy to meet people. Only embarrassment I can think of is if one of you is married but claiming to be single at the site.

Original poster
NotSos · 10/07/2016 18:14

It was Panorama or Horizon or something, or possibly just a segment on the BBC news. And it showed the actual Dating website agents have to set up fake profiles and message people - to keep them interested and hence keep taking their money :-(

OP posts:
Noonesfool · 10/07/2016 18:14

I live in fear of seeing the parent of any of the kids I teach on a particular dating site.

Or worse, beginning to chat to someone and THEN finding out they are.

Snazarooney · 10/07/2016 18:16

Tinder is free and has virtually all of the same people on it. I think the etiquette is not to mention to people you know that you've seen them on online dating sites so I doubt he'll mention it. If he does just say I couldn't resist having a sneaky look. You need at least one picture or there's no point joining.

c3pu · 10/07/2016 18:21

I've used OKcupid and POF with some success. There's lots of duffer's on all the sites tbh, whether you pay for them or not. But at least with the free ones you don't waste any money on them haha!

Doinmummy · 10/07/2016 18:23

I remember seeing that Notsos
Didn't they also set up fake profiles using images they've pinched from elsewhere on the internet ?

Tartsamazeballs · 10/07/2016 18:25

I think the saying is "don't shit where you eat".

Jeez, it's only POF, not like you met at a swingers party! You're overthinking it Wink

JaceLancs · 10/07/2016 18:25

Try smooch it's a free one and I seemed to get more genuine messages on there than from some of the other sites

Doinmummy · 10/07/2016 18:27

We say 'don't shit on your own doorstep' . Give it a go Op, be safe, keep an open mind and have a bit of fun !