How to get my DS (who is 4) to stop crying about everything?

[insideeeouttt]

I know 4 year olds can be sensitive. However, my DS is too sensitive. If a friend snatches his toy, he'll cry. If he can't understand his homework, he cries. He cries if he finds his work too hard at school (it's not even work, it's colouring in sheets/letters). He cries when he has to go to bed. He cries if his TV program isn't on, etc. etc.

How on earth do you stop this?

When my ds was 4 he cried because the toast was the wrong shape!😂 He also cried over everything. It was partly due to tiredness on his part so happened more when he had growth spurts as well as at the end of term etc. He is much better now. (6) How I deal with him depends on what he cries about....sometimes I tease him and tickle him for crying about something utterly ridiculous (until he laughs and agrees with me) and sometimes I cuddle him and get him to talk to me as to why he is so upset...esp if he is tired. He is very funny and cute! ☺️

Empathy went a long way and realising that it wasn't my job to stop his crying but to listen and accept whatever he was feeling. They are so small and only starting to learn how to self regulate. Sometimes reflecting back why he was upset helped 'you are sad Becase....'. Lots of cuddles and reassurance helped too.

I'm 25 and I could accidentally colour outside the lines and cry, because it was important to me and I feel like I've ruined it. It's just when your emotions are overwhelming.

My DD is almost 4 and if she cries over seemingly nothing I will sit down at her level and say I'll be right here when she's ready to talk. Sometimes she wants a cuddle and sometimes she wants left alone. All I remember from my childhood is being told off for "crocodile tears" and I didn't feel supported.

Can't get it right everytime, no-one's perfect and I've certainly lost it with DD and said "for god's sake it's just a t-shirt" etc. But if you try and interrupt yourself beforehand and think "well maybe they are upset because they really wanted to get it right/are tired/can't express another emotion" then it diffuses everything a lot. I'm the worst at tolerating it when we are in a rush because I panic and that rubs off and things escalate.

The things they cry about might feel like the end of the world at that age. Sometimes you have to remove yourself and let them cry it out if it's a truly unreasonable tantrum but mostly they just want you to simply be 'there' in the vicinity.

Also arfarf has a great point, distraction is key to ending all kick offs in my experience

Our 4 year old has just come out of whiney crying phase. We didn't ignore (it never works in our house, situation escalates) so I would come over to her or ask her to come to me and remind her that she needs to talk to me as I can't help if I don't understand what's wrong. If she was very upset I would comfort and then once she's calm say "so what happened? And how can we fix it? " then we fix it and then say "next time what do you need to do?" She learns that she a) can fix it herself and b) needs to talk to me not whine. It seems to have worked for us

My little boy is 4 and is very sensitive. He went through a phase on being so emotional about everything. Collapsing to the floor in tears over anything! He has always been very clingy to me and in any new situation he will spend an awful long time clambering all over me until he feels comfortable.

Although I know he is very sensitive I did notice that some of it must be behavioural in that he is like a different boy for grandparents and at preschool. He is the relaxed, chatty little boy that I only get glimpses of! I know children act up for their parents but my goodness, I used to feel that I always got the worst of him! I had used sticker charts if he eg, got dressed without a fuss etc which work to a certain extent but I decided to use a reward system that also had a consequence built in. He starts ever y day with 10 marbles in a jar so we always start the day on a positive (and it requires little effort as you don't have to keep remembering to give out rewards, it's already there!) So basically he will lose a marble if he chooses to cry and make a fuss instead of getting dressed or if he deals with his little sister by pushing her and collapsing in floods of tears. If he keeps 8 or more marbles by the end of the day he gets a small treat from a lucky dip bag (all very exciting) It is a clear and concise consequence (previously if I tell him off he gets so upset if he thinks I'm cross with him it used to spiral into a huge tantrum, even if I was pretty blooming cross with him if he hit his sister perhaps) but this stops the behaviour dead in its tracks. I can see him deciding if it is worth him carrying on with a tearful whinge or not. He s definitely airing on the side of sensible behaviour! He has lost 2 marbles I'm two weeks!

We now get chance to build on all the positivity that has come with it and his self confidence has blossomed!, I'm constantly telling him what a big sensible boy he is and are relationship is so much happier and relaxed ( as opposed to hearing myself become absolutely fed up and wishing my day away as we'd be on the 3rd crying fit by 9am!)

It's worked for us anyway!

Oh sorry for the typos, fat fingers and a cracked screen didn't help.

A friend who went through this with her similar age DS came up with a good solution. When he found a situation overwhelming, instead of bursting into tears she encouraged him to say out loud 'so what CAN I do about this?' In quite a theatrical way, with arms outstretched. Then he was motivated to think of practical solutions to whatever had upset him.

I'm exactly the same as Geeky, cry at conflict or criticism!

My ds is also a crier and more sensitive than normal (currently worrying if there will be a ww3 amongst other things). My dp cannot tolerate it but my strategy is to just let him acknowledge his feelings, have his cry and then he'll feel better...and hopefully he'll stop by he's the same age as me!