They are his friends not his parents.

[Rainbow]

I had a Grandma and a Nanny growing up and my eldest children also have a Grandma and a Nanny. My youngest (different father) has a Grandma but X DH's mother abandonEd him aged 5 and died when he was 30ish. XDH has a couple of friends (married) who he doesn't see as often as he used to but is close. Recently, DS4 has been coming home talking about Grandma and what he's done with his dad. My mum (Grandma) and XDH don't get on so it's not her he's talking about. XDH refuses to talk about it but says he asked these friends to be surrogate grandparents in the absence of his parents. I have no objections to this but to call her grandma is not right Iand disrespectful when he has one already iMO. I also think it might be a dig at my mum, as in he has more than one grandma now. Ds4 is only 4 and don't want him to think he's wrong. I have tried to speak to XDH but he refuses to talk. Am I BU or is he?

Lots of people refer to close family friends as Aunty Janet or Uncle John, even if they are not actual blood relatives. I think your exDh nominating these friends as Granparents is quite a nice idea, and not dis-respectful to your parents.

Also it's quite common to have to grandmas/grannies etc. My dcs refer to theirs as Grandma 'sport' and Grandma 'town-name'. No confusion at all.

It's not a dig at all.

I think you're over thinking this! Children are wiser than they get credit for! If you're really that offended by the fact that they are not 'real' grandparents, ask your ex to clarify that detail with your son.
I still remember asking a close family friends grandad to be my grandad too, and how he cried. I was puzzled at the time but later realised how happy I'd made him (his grandchildren were all adults by this point too).
If your son is happy, and the grandma is happy, well, it's a non issue !

It's nice there are older people in your ds's life, and your ExH probably does miss having a Mum and Dad, so is just trying to replace them a bit.

Even IF exH is having a dig at your Mum, just let it lie for your ds's sake, it doesn't take away from these other older people enjoying your ds and your ds enjoying his relationship with them. Good things can come from bad intentions, so don't spoil it.

My son has lots of nannas, it doesn't get confusing really.

His dads paternal granny is Nanna (name)
His dads maternal nanna is Nanna (name)
His dads mum is Nanna (name) her female partner is (Nanna) name
My dads wife is Nanna (name)
My mum is just Nanna (she has same name as my sons dads mother)
My mums mum is Nan-nan (I don't know why)

See, LOTS of nannas and no problems. Grandads is easier, he only has two of those.

I did change the title and it seems to have posted twice. If "Ethel" and "Bert" had been grandparents from the start or were actually in his life it may feel different. The live 450 miles away and have seen DS4 maybe 4 times in his life. XDH would visit once a week alone until they moved. DS4 knows them from photos only

I'm not offended by surrogate grandparents. My mum's bf has three adult children who all called my grandma grandma and their children now call my mum grandma. Me and my sister's called there nanny nanny. It's the fact that all this grandma and pops is really recent (he's nearly 5) and he only knows them from photos not as people.

YABU. I don't see a problem here at all. What harm do you think this causes?

The live 450 miles away and have seen DS4 maybe 4 times in his life.

Are they rich or recently come into some money?

😊 adulting. I've have no idea. Maybe lol

SemiNormal I love the idea of all those Nannas!

My husband had two grannies, but no confusion as they were distinguished according to the towns they lived in.

My kids have a grandma and two grannies - one of the grannies is a grandparent and the other is a great-aunt who never had children (sad circumstances) but absolutely loves children and is a wonderful extra granny.

Surely the more the merrier if they love your child?? My kids don't have anyone other than me and dh and it's a shame.

My DS has a Nonna and Nonno on my side and lots of Lola's on DHs side.

Lola is grandma, but is pretty much used for any female relative of the right generation.