AIBU? (I'm sure I probably am)

[almamatters]

First of all, this isn't a massive deal - I love my OH, he's lovely, so good to me in every way so I feel bad even having a slight issue. it's just a petty row, but I either need someone to say they can see my point or give me a virtual slap and tell me to get a grip on myself (I am in a very rubbish personal situation at present and am suffering with depression/anxiety and don't often feel myself)

I've not met my OH's friends, any of them...it's important to me, he lives a 2/3 hour drive away from his hometown where all his friends are but often goes to see them for big nights out (male and female all together, sometimes just the boys) he's been to a couple of weddings the last few weekends which I haven't been invited to because we weren't together at time of invite (no issue with this what so ever, always happy for him to do as he pleases) however during/after each wedding/night out he says "everyone was asking where you were and when they're going to meet you/wish you were here blah blah" so last weekend I went to his hometown with him so we could spend the weekend together and he could still go to a wedding reception, I would entertain myself and drop him off/pick him up....all good, he called me at 2am to pick him, I comment that it was quite late for a wedding reception....

Him: yeah we went in to town after, everyone was asking where you were
me: sooo, you didn't think to give me a shout? "Babe, stick a dress on and come meet us for a few drinks??" For example?
Him: I'm an idiot, I didn't think, will arrange something soon/invite you next time

I should say I was quite upset, felt a bit pathetic. Pathetic that his mates must wonder why he's keeping me away, pathetic for being bothered about something so trivial and silly

Anyway that was that

Tonight, he texts me at half 6.."babe I'm going to go down to my hometown tonight because I don't want to stay in again" (we weren't seeing each other tonight)

So now I'm annoyed again...I literally don't care about him going on nights out or going places without me, but I'm just irritated that he doesn't THINK, again, that I would like to go and meet his friends...why is he able to drop everything at 6:30pm to go home and have a night out but it's seemingly impossible to make any kind of arrangement that involves me ever?! i know I'm being completely irrational and I don't know how to stop these stupid feelings...I spoke to "healthy minds" at the request of my doctor last week and they were completely unhelpful and I just don't know how to process such nonsense anymore. I miss being normal.

I need a to grow up and get a grip don't I. What's wrong with me?!

I think there's something very odd going on. If I was serious about a new partner I'd want him to be included. Obviously it's not easy to ask friends to change wedding invites to +1, but you can ask if they get anyone dropping out if you can bring your new +1 in their place and if not could you join them after the meal...you can certainly invite them to go for drinks afterwards. He might not have thought of it initially but here is where it gets a bit 'off' for me, is when his friends were supposedly asking where you were he didn't think 'ooh I'll see if she fancies joining us'. It's weird he goes on about them asking where you are every time, but doesn't arrange for you to meet them, even when you are local.

It's really not sitting right with me.

I think you are trying to ignore your gut feeling because you want it to be ok.

I hope you can sort your other 'personal situation' out soon 💐

Just to say, with regards the wedding, I wouldn't feel comfortable asking for a plus one having previously turned one down. Also, for our wedding we were unable to accommodate additional people (no one asked but it would have been impossible) as we maxed out the capacity of the venue. I'd have had no issue with an extra evening guest though, but I do think it's probably not on to ask the bride or groom so close to their wedding unless you're within their inner circle (could just me my view tho)- so def don't take the wedding thing to heart.

We haven't been together all that long, couple of months

You're rushing things. If he's still doing this on 6 months then maybe it's a problem

Wedding, no not unless he had a plus one invitation.

The rest, I'm not so sure he's as interested as you are, surely if he's in love he'd want to include you in as much as possible - you're in the honeymoon phase, he should want to be with you as much as possible.

To the evening reception? He could easily have taken you.

He needs to start thinking.

You've o ly been together eight weeks?

Most people would consider that a pretty casual stage in a relationship.

Certainly not a time when you'd really bother about introducing a person to closer, far-flung friends.

I'm not at all bothered about the wedding, I wouldn't have wanted him to ask for a +1 - it's bad form in my eyes and it wasn't a close friend or relatives wedding just a friend in his wider circle.

We've been together longer than 8 weeks I think posters just assumed that from me saying "a couple of months" - we started dating in feb...we've been pretty serious from the beginning, no wondering how one another feels or playing silly games, he does always want me around that's why I'm finding it so weird that he just doesn't think...I don't believe there's any other reason for it, I know some of you may think I'm being naive but I honestly don't think there's any reason for it other than that but it's winding me up.

My mood has worsened today because before he told me he was going out I'd already moved things about so I could see him today, I'll be back at 12 he said...I'm not at his and he's not fucking here (stuck in traffic but he didn't leave until almost 12) I'm raging but I just feel like I'm raging over something stupid

I'm now* at his

On the off chance anyone checks back to this thread and is interested, we spoke about this when he arrived back on Sunday, he just thought I "had an issue with him going out" upon explaining that my issue was the lack of thought he completely saw my point, he did also say that the only reason he hadn't asked was because I had the kids, so basically all is fine and done and dusted, I'm so used to relationships where this would end up being a big deal it's so nice to finally be with someone who's just willing to understand, take it on board and move on....thank you all for your responses and for making me feel more normal when I felt insane!

That would bother me too. Why don't you get him to arrange a night in the pub one weekend soon so you can meet them all together.

If that doesn't happen, then I would start to worry that you are far more invested in him than he is in you.