To ask what the best age gap is? Re children

[smallbaby53]

I have a baby who is 1. What is a good age gap? Some days I think 3 then sometimes I think 7, etc.

I wouldn't have any before a 3 year age gap I don't think, as I'd like my baby to have started nursery... I kind of wish I leave it for 7 too. What's the best age?

Yes, sounds as though it worked well having a bigger gap for you. For me having a second maternity leave while DS was still only two was brilliant, if he'd started school already it wouldn't have been the same. It just goes to show that it's a very individual choice. I'm sorry your DS was so unwell.

Well it's not always a choice - you can't necessarily decide you'd like a 2 or 3 year gap and get what you want.

I had a 2 year gap between DS1 and DS2 - got pregnant straight away with both. I really wanted a 2 yr gap with the next child but due to having lots of miscarriages it turned into a 4.5 year gap between DS2 and DS3. I wouldn't hold off and leave a really long gap on purpose as you just don't know if you'll have problems conceiving even if you never had problems before. You might really regret the lost time you had to try.

We have a just under 3 year gap. It's working well in that DC1 is old enough to entertain themselves for a bit, we haven't needed a double buggy, DC1 was out of nappies. I wouldn't have wanted less than 2.5 years or much more than 3.5 years personally, but there are definitely pros and cons to any age gap.

Yes, I agree, DC1 took 18 months to conceive (including two mcs) so we decided not to hang about before TTCing again just in case it took a similar length of time again and although we did have another mc, DC2 was conceived very quickly, so it wasn't totally free choice, we had originally thought 2-3 years gap and ended up with 23 months.

I have a 2y8m gap between mine and it's perfect. They play together all the time and have a really strong bond. I really didn't want to leave a gap more than 3 years. It was a bit tough in the beginning with a trantrumy toddler and a newborn, but that stage doesn't last long. DH is a SAHD so we didn't notice the difference financially between one and two.

There is a 2.7 year age gap between ds who is 10 next week and dd 7. Currently 14 weeks pregnant with number 3 so will be a huge age gap there.

There's 12 years between my DB and I, I'm 30 and he's 18 in a few weeks. considering the age gap we are extremely close and enjoy many of the same things.

18 months one school year apart in my opinion.

I had my five youngest within five years and they are all very close.

I think this is a 'how long is a piece of string' questions.

I know twins who detest each other, and siblings with 12 years apart who are best friends. And every permutation inbetween.

My belief is that it all comes down to personality compatibility, more than age or gender. Some siblings will be chalk and cheese whether the age gap between them.

I've got a 7 year gap, I wouldn't have chose it that way but circumstances meant it was.

I actually love it, I really got to enjoy my pregnancy because I wasn't running about after a toddler, it was literally starting all over again. It's annoying that they can't enjoy the same things but it's nice that they've got different needs so aren't fighting for attention.

I would have loved for them to be able to play together properly but at the same time personally I'd have struggled with a toddler and a newborn.

I don't think there's a perfect gap because there're pros and cons to all. I don't think it makes any difference to how close they'll end up because some siblings get on and others don't whatever the age gap.

We had planned on TTC when DD was 2.5 years-3 years old. She's 2.5 now and I've just started a new job (which I love) and have the opportunity to go back to uni to do a Masters in September 2017 (fully funded by my employer) so now not sure what the hell to do

DH worries that if we leave it longer they won't be close as there'll be two big an age gap. Not sure if I think that theory holds water or not to be honest.

too big an age gap. I need some sleep.

My two are 3.5 years apart exactly. I honestly wouldn't have been able to have coped with less than that, it would have been wayyyy too stressful for us.

Each to their own though. Do what's right for you OP.

I had 3 in 3 years, tiring, but it's great. They call each other their best friends, adore each other and do everything as a pack

Sorry I meant I had my five youngest within four year. 20160603/875682 - please quote this during all correspondence.

I have a 4.5 year gap:

Advantages:
You have a baby at home while one is at school so get to enjoy your baby.
The older one is more independent. You don't have to watch a toddler destroy the place (if you have one like that) while you are trying to feed a baby
When you take the older one to the park, it's easier because you're not trying to chase a younger one trying to kill itself on the equipment (if you have one like that) or who needs assistance climbing, on the swing etc
I found my two fight less (though they still do) than friends' children with smaller gaps, although I have a boy & a girl and I find this dynamic slightly easier
They have separate interests. DD is 12 and can go & see friends while I have one on one time with DS7.

Disadvantages:
Going back to the baby stage after a break is harder than you can imagine
Going on days out are really hard when you have to time it around feeds, naps etc. Plus you are knackered and want to stay at home with Cbeebies, which you can do with a 2 yr old. If you do go out with a toddler, they don't mind it being short. Older children get very bored and have more stamina. DD was often bouncing off the walls when DS was a baby
Playdates are harder with a baby to watch feed and so on while you are also having to supervise older children and entertain them
The school holidays are a shock. You get used to a routine then you are flung back into having 2 children when you are not used to it
Entertaining a school aged child and a baby in the holidays - well, see above!
When they get a bit older, it's harder to please them both. DS7 still likes the park, petting farms, trips to the library. DD12 finds it boring and uncool. Well, sometimes she likes it til her friends see her! DS7 hates things like clothes shopping and going for a latte and whines. They also have different tastes in cinema.
DD12 always needs a lift somewhere so poor DS gets dragged all over the place

There's no right answer.

We'll have a 2yr gap when dc2 turns up. It was sort of planned, but it took 2.5yrs to conceive ds1 so I wasn't expecting it to happen first time (if at all really). Feeling very lucky right now, hoping they'll be close. A bit nervous about how hectic life will be for a while, but I may as well focus on the positives for now.

There's 20yrs between me and my eldest sibling and we are very close. I think we'd have fought quite a lot if we'd been close in age.

there are 6 years between me and my big brother and 4 years between him and our older sister (so ten years between me and her). they are the two best and closest friends I'll ever have.

I think it depends on better for who

As a parent I can well understand the preference for having children closer together if your fertility and finances can manage it - for nothing more than to get those hard early years out of the way in one quick push

Most seem to like a 2 year gap - have seen various outcomes with this from v v close relationships to siblings literally detesting each other because of having to fight for attention at the same time etc yes larger age gaps are harder when kids are little but 4-7 years between adults (and remember they will be adults longer than kids) is no big deal in the longer term

Ultimately any option can work and any option can have both negative and positive elements

In an ideal world, I'd go for a three year age gap.

Can't bear the thought of dealing with two in nappies.

I have four years and it's been lovely. My friends who have had 2 year gaps have had a really hard time. But it's a really personal choice.

Agree with others here. 2 and a half years between my two. They are close and its nice to have them at school together. When the eldest starts pre school you get some nice one to one time with the youngest like you did with the older one and they love it when they follow the older one into primary. Its a good age gap. I was a SAHM so it was easy for me.

I have 23 months between mine. Two in nappies for 4 months wasn't fun, and I had to buy a double buggy and have 2 cots in the house. It was hard work and stressful at times, but I wouldn't change it.

22 months between 1 and 2 then 9 years between 2 and 3 and 17months between 3 and 4.
The easiest gap for us has been the 17 months, they are a joy together and incredibly close.

19 month gap here. The early years were very hard. Ideally I'd have liked a gap of 3 or 4 years. Sadly I started motherhood quite late and had to crack on with it whilst I still could.