I bought my only Birthday present from dh

[tooneedyme]

It's my Birthday. When dh asked what I would like I said I couldn't think of anything. I went shopping with kids last weekend and bought myself a candle and said it could be part of my birthday gifts. He has produced only that and a card from him and one from the children. It's his Birthday next week and he has bought himself a watch costing £225 and trainers at £88. I've have him 6 other gifts to open on the day and planned a family day out and booked a surprise dinner for afterwards. AIBU for being upset? Should I speak up or let him work it out by himself when he sees the effort I've gone to?

OP, I'm sorry but he did ask you wanted you wanted for your birthday and you did say you couldn't think of anything. As a poster upthread has already pointed out - what is he to do with that information??????

Humans communicate using speech. If you want someone to know something, you actually have to tell them.

Just because she couldn't think of anything it doesn't then abducate him of all responsibility for it. Buying someone a birthday present means that you have to try and think of something they might like and then organise yourself sufficiently to buy and wrap it. Why should the OP have to do all the thinking for his present and her own.

Nothing will change unless you tell him though. I would also not give him 6 additional birthday presents, just one as a token. I would also put a stop to all this buying of expensive stuff under the guise of it being a birthday gift. Gifts are things that other people buy you - to spend hundreds of pounds and then say it is a birthday present sucks all the meaning out of giving and receiving. Fine to spend whatever money you can both afford, but in calling it a gift it legitimises spending that otherwise he might have baulked at, which implies it is not easily affordable.

callarmorvern, i am the same except I don't put effort and stress into buying stuff for my OH. Our needs are simple. I buy a bottle of port and a novelty moustache set for christmas, and that's it.

If you didn't know what you wanted OP how was he suppose to know?

If you've not spoken to him a about presents how will anything change?

YA sort of BU.

Your DH asked and you said you couldn't think of anything. Yes, he should have taken more initiative, but perhaps he is just generally crap at these sort of things, or you're difficult to buy for?

Why not tell him he's taking you shopping and pick something you'd like?

I know I am very picky and wouldn't want my DH spending a lot of money on a gift he if he didn't know I would like it or not, hence why I usually tell him what I want.

I would reserve the gifts you purchased for Christmas. Scale back to his level.

When asked for suggestions can you at least say spa certificate or similar if you don't want "things"?

Happy birthday OP.
I understand your disappointment; I recently received a tin opener from my OH for my birthday. I think you need to be a bit more forthcoming with ideas if your DH isn't the sort to come up with imaginative and thoughtful birthday gifts. You could give him a steer even if you didn't want to give him a specific list.

I was quite shocked at the thought of somebody spending £300 on themselves for a birthday. For me, the sentiment of a well chosen, thoughtful gift is what makes it precious. So going out and buying something for myself just wouldn't be the same thing. Buying your own gifts is a bit meaningless in my book; it's just approval to spend joint funds.

With this mind I don't think you are being unreasonable. Even without a list of pre-approved gifts your DH should know you well enough to chose something you'll appreciate, and should make the effort to do so. If I was you I'd have a chat with him; let him know you're feeling a bit disappointed, let him know what sort of thing he could have got you, and make sure that your expectations and spending limits are on the same page as one another.

I am truly one of these people who says when I don't or can't think of anything then I really don't want anything.

Dh understands this so after the event if I say I want something he will say get it as you didn't want a gift for birthday ect.

That is disgusting, I would be telling him exactly how hurt you are and how it makes you feel. At least he could have planned a night out, meal, theatre, or day out if he wasen't sure what you liked. Very poor! My husband does not do birthdays himself, I but I sure let him know I did, and I like something nice for my birthday.