To be annoyed even though it is childish?

[winkywinkola]

Ds1 had his birthday party. Invited all who he thought are friends of his. We picked up one friend to help out his mum who was stuck with various other things going on and took him to the party. All good fun.

This friend that we picked up is having a party today and not invited ds1. He is crushed.

Is this rude or just part of life's rich tapestry? They are 11 by the way.

It is both - rude and part of life's rich tapestry

The whole thing around kids parties is a nightmare - best just not dwell on it - it us no reflection on you or your son

perhaps next time don't go to the effort for the other mum

They are some bloody rude people out there op. Still are you sure he's not invited?

If not try to minimise it to your ds and do something nice with him. At 11 friendships shift pretty quickly and it will happen to the birthday boy too.

I'm not sure it is rude. Upsetting for your ds, but I don't think it was a deliberate slight. Simply that the number of friends your ds invited included him, and the other lad has closer friends or friends out of school that were invited first on that occasion.

DD1 got invited to a lot of parties for a time. She was I think about number 7-8 on everyone's list at the point they were inviting 8 children. When it went down to 3-4 children she hardly got an invite ever.

Dd2 otoh didn't get invited to many parties, but when people cut back to 3-4 children she still got invited to as many.

I would think it was petty to say "well I won't pick him up again." To my mind, you've invited him because your ds wanted him. Not to get an invite back and the fact this lad doesn't see your lad as close a friend doesn't mean he doesn't like him. If you then act pettily towards him then he'll have a reason to dislike him won't he?

Some kids have massive parties and invite everyone. Some kids have parties and invite just a few kids. You don't invite people in the expectation that they will invite you to their next party.

I just think it's courteous to invite them back.

Oh well.

Im sure it sucks for your poor dsI think though at 11 years they choose their own guests, so not really much to do with the parents. Well now your ds knows where he stands.

""I just think it's courteous to invite them back""

There could have been a cross over in the invites going out and the numbers were full.

I agree with the OP. But I regularly disagree on most issues.

To my mind, it's about being polite and thoughtful and reciprocal. I'd love to be in a world where that was part of deciding how to act.

I picked up a took one of my youngest son's child to school and dropped him off at his grans after school for a week whilst his mum went on holiday with her husband (even though I'd only agreed to dropping after school - but that's an entirely different story)... a week after her return, not only was a thank you still not forthcoming, but her child had a massive party to which my son wasn't invited!

Sorry - meant to add to that, I think some people are just thoughtless about things like that, and while it really bugs me to see, I try to just ignore it

I feel for your DS, OP. I hate all this party politics - it can be so hurtful, even if not intentional. If I'd been the other mother, I would have made sure your DS got an invitation after you'd gone to the trouble to pick her son up, but then I've always done reciprocal invitations. I will be so glad when we're past the party stage!

I just think it's courteous to invite them back

Me too. It's especially rude given that you helped him and the mum out.

depends on lots of factors
I can imagine a scenario where a few kids have parties for say 12 people.
Another kid has a party for 6 people - is it fair that the kid with the small party can't invite some people he really wants as all of the spaces are taken up with reciprocal invitations?

I'm another one who's DC got invited to pretty much every party going when they were parties of 6-10 guests, but is in far fewer people's top 3-4, so doesn't get invited much now they're older, and parties are small. I feel a bit sad for her sometimes, but she's far, far less bothered than I am.

When was your ds's party, op? It's particularly rude if it was quite recent.

I don't think it's rude. Other friend may have been able to invite fewer people so couldn't invite everyone he wanted to.

Equally he and your DS might have had a falling out since DS's party (not projecting my own DS here at all ....)

... though at 11, if they are good friends, I would kind of expect him to ask his friend why he wasn't invited!!

My ds's party was four weeks ago.

I do still think it's rude but heigh ho. These things happen. You live and learn.