Aibu for considering quitting my job

[Moomoomango]

Back story : two Dcs 4 and 1 - full time mum to both plus working part time. I recently took this job on as it is something I'm interested and passionate in, it's part time flexible hours (was thinking ahead to when Dcs both in school - perfect job) lovely team of people I work with (although we seldom get together as we all work from home, occasionally we have team meetings etc) my boss is utterly amazing - she is all about empowering women and is truly inspiring.

Sounds great - but I'm really struggling. My oh is disabled so I care for him in terms of - I do all housework, laundry, cooking - and additional things like taking to appointments, cutting up food, generally sorting things out for him.

I wanted this job as a great potential job for the future but maybe also a break from looking after everyone and being relied on.

In reality - I am doing all those roles full time and have lost any free time I did have (nap times, evening times etc) doing work. We use my mum as childcare but she travels for around 4-5 months of the year. She is currently away for a month and I feel like I'm drowning. I want to be attentive to my kids , a good loving partner to my hubby and to have a clean organised home. In reality these last few months I've been stressed, tired and run ragged. Not to mention my one year old still night wakes frequently.

I'm at a loss what to do - it's great job with great people but my quality of life is going down.

Aibu to consider quitting such a job ?

Can you organise proper childcare if your mum can't do it regularly?

Or put your wages towards something to make your life easier eg a cleaner?

I think it sounds like a good job so I'd be very reluctant to give it up. I'm not sure how recently you started but it can take time to settle into a new routine.

We can't use any money for cleaner unfortunately as my wages get taken of of our disabled and carer income support - and therefore can't pay for childcare either :(

You need to ask for a carer's assessment to see what additional support you can get for your husband. Your youngest might be entitled to free nursery hour when they turn two. Depends on income and other factors.

Won't you also be entitled to childcare tax credits?

I think you need to at least try to find ways of making this work. It sounds like a perfect job and one that's unlikely to come along again soon.

If you give up I think you will regret it even if your life is a little easier.

Sorry to be intrusive but is your OH disabled in a way that is progressive and / life limiting? If he can't even cut up his food he must be quite seriously disabled. Are you definitely claiming everything you can?

I hope things improve because it sounds very tough but I think your job is possibly the bit of sanity and 'me time' that you don't want to lose.

We will be eligible for 2 year child care but he's only just turned 1 so not for another year.

He has had a stroke so no left hand dexterity - so cutting up food is challenging. It's quite complex as some things he can do well (one hand required jobs - make a good cup of tea!) others that we talk for granted he can't do x

Could you speak to your LA about a Carer's Assessment?

My DH is in your shoes although our DC are older, I can't imagine how much more stressful it is with young DC.

Perhaps if you could get more assistance with the care side of things it would take the pressure off you and you could enjoy the work more. I think it's really important for carers to have something for them so if you do decide you'd be better not working at the moment, still make sure you can carve time out for you, to go to the gym or just sit alone and read/listen to music, see friends etc.

A friend of mine in similar circumstances to me has carers provided by social care - they come in when her DH has gone to work and help her shower/prepare food and whatever else she needs that day.
Everyone is entitled to an assessment, I know we should start doing this soon but at the moment I am concentrating on the equipment battle.

We also do a lot of "prep" between us, so for example if I'm having a good day, we will make a big batch of stew or pasta bake etc, and portion jt all up so he has ready to go meals and I can just blitz something in the microwave.

Again, apologies if you do all this already, but we buy as much pre-prepared stuff as we can - frozen chopped onions, garlic, chillies, ready prepped veg. Of course it's more expensive though. We also buy big blocks of cheese and someone will grate it for me and store it in the fridge. We have a blender that chops and mixes etc which I use a lot. For example, I have pancake mix (dry ingredients) ready to go. I have a perching stool and grabbing tools in case things fall on the floor. We have a tassimo as I can't safely tip the kettle. Things in the fridge I might need are put on the eye level shelf.

Some days I manage to do the laundry and we have a tumble dryer. We have lots of cushions etc downstairs so I can get comfy. And a sign on the door asking callers to be patient. All my tablets are portioned out and left in a medication box for me.

Sorry if I'm teaching you to suck eggs, I'm jus trying to think of ways we make it easier.

I agree Matilda. I really think you need this time at work to be 'you' and not a carer/mum so i do hope a solution is possible for you. Good luck!

Has he also had a recent ot assessment in case there are more aids he can utilise?

Contact adult services and request an assessment under the Care Act for the whole family. Your DH may need some outside support whilst you are at work and it does sound as though more formalised child care would help you. Staying at work might be better for your long term well-being.