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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband is taking the piss

12 replies

Betyboo333 · 07/07/2016 07:44

DH used to work offshore, month on month off however now that we have DS (7 weeks old) he doesn't want to work away any more so is trying to set up his own business. In order to try and make it a success and whilst it's in the early stages without any income he's paying himself very little. This means that I'm paying 100% of the mortgage, bills, joint costs etc and as I'm a contractor and don't get maternity pay, I'm also going back to work when DS is 3.5 months (much earlier than I'd like) in order to be able to afford this. However I'm getting pretty peed off that DH is being quite a slacker (lazy mornings and I'm often up before him even tho I've been up feeding in the night, loads of breaks, short days...) If he was my employee I'd fire him! If I mention anything about it he gets sh*tty with me but I'm getting more and more annoyed that I feel like I'm the one making sacrifices, looking after DS full time and going back to work early, and he's just taking the possibility cruising along and taking it easy. AIBU?? Oh... And he also complains he doesn't have any "him" time!! Angry

OP posts:
ClopySow · 07/07/2016 07:49

YANBU. He thinks he's on maternity leave too.

Nanunanu · 07/07/2016 07:50

Yes he is taking the piss. Either he established a business before child was born or he carried on working on/off shore.

If trying to establish a business now he had to try with all of his might.

If you are a contractor why are you paying all the bills? Presumably you don't get mat pay either so you have saved for this period of no earning. Why hasn't he?

LindyHemming · 07/07/2016 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Betyboo333 · 07/07/2016 07:56

Hes basically put all of his savings into starting the business, and to be honest I wouldn't mind so much that I was paying for everything if he was working his butt off trying to make his business a success (and therefore start making money and contributing to the family pot) , but he's not. I don't know how to get the message to him that he's taking the piss as whenever I mention his work (or lack of) he tells me to butt out and it's none of my business how he manages his time. Any ideas??

OP posts:
Daytona79 · 07/07/2016 08:00

I'd be telling him to get his ass back offshore and use his home time to get the business going, that way he still bringing in a income and get lay the foundations for his business when he is off the rig and at home

Original poster
Betyboo333 · 07/07/2016 08:01

He wakes up 6:30/7:00, pisses around on the internet till 9:00/10:00, probably does 5/6 hours work with breaks interspersed and finishes by 6:00. Meanwhile I'm working 24/7 looking after the bubba!

OP posts:
ForTheLoveOfMod · 07/07/2016 08:01

I'd agree with him that it's none of your business, just like his past jobs. Then point out just like his past jobs he needs to get regular decent pay every month. If he wants to take a huge pay cut for this business it becomes something for both of you to decide and you get a say in what he does.

LindyHemming · 07/07/2016 08:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Betyboo333 · 07/07/2016 08:02

Daytona79 I think that might be the answer, however on the flip side I'm not super keen to be left alone for a month at a time...

OP posts:
Original poster
Betyboo333 · 07/07/2016 08:10

I think the business could be successful (possibly not the £millions he thinks it will be worth in a few years - ever the optimist!) which is why I'm happy to support him in it but I was also expecting he'd be working his arse off on it. I do feel like he thinks he's just doing a bit of a hobby whilst on mat leave...

OP posts:
Original poster
Betyboo333 · 07/07/2016 08:21

Oh interesting development... I am in bed feeding and got upset reading your posts. He asked me what was up, I wouldn't say because I didn't want another argument about it right now. He's asked if it was about his work and I said yes and left it at that. He's just suggested that he now puts in money to the joint account in order to stop me stressing/getting upset and that he'll take the odd short contract offshore if needed to top up funds for his business. I think we might have a solution!! I still want him to work his arse off on the business but I guess if he's actually contributing financially I can't complain too much...Hmm Thanks for your responses, glad to know IWNBU!

OP posts:
Daytona79 · 07/07/2016 13:59

Sounds good , and don't worry it's not that bad being left alone my hubby does month on month off in Africa offshore and you get used to it

That said its only been me and a toddler but baby no2 due in 4 weeks so it might not be as easy to manage that 🙈

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