DD (10) is being bullied by a boy, who is 6.

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NCed.

I don't really know what to do. The school seem to have a million and one excuses for this 6 year old. Claiming that he is testing his new words on an older child, trying to look cool, to just trying to be friendly and it coming out wrong! They always mention the age gap, implying that it shouldn't upset DD as much as it does.

My family are no help and are also a bit clueless as to how it could upset DD so much.

DD has to avoid this boy on the playground. Yr 1-Yr 6 share, but for each half of their lunch, KS3 isn't out when KS1 is, if that makes sense?

He calls her fat, 4 eyes, and other childlike terms to refer to something about her in a negative way. No she isn't fat, but it shouldn't matter if she is!! Yes, she wears glasses. She has extra 1-1 for reading and it's usually at the same time when Yr 1 have circle time so she is the hall with them, it's cut off, but only by a half size brick wall, he will occasionally walk by and call her stupid and the staff just don't say anything because of his age.

I appreciate that to me and you and maybe other children who are 10, they may laugh it off or not even let it bother them, but it's really affecting her, I have tried so much

While I do feel the school should be dealing with the bullying I do agree with goblin. Kids need to learn how to deal with bullies...maybe she should thump him one to scare him off...half joking...

Children need to be empowered/ learn assertiveness from a prevention pov. However, it will not prevent all bullying and when bullying is at the stage here the victim cannot just 'sort it' by punching someone.

As someone who was bullied I definitely agree with GoblinLittleOwl..

You might be able to stop this child saying these things but your dd is going to encounter a lot worse throughout her life and she needs to develop the skills to cope because you simply can not take away all the unkind people in the world.

Try some role-playing at home and give her some stock retorts to say. Once she stops giving the reaction that she is upset and intimidated it is likely the younger child will stop targeting her and move onto someone else. Body language is also key.

At the same time definitely the school should be working with the younger child to teach him that saying nasty things will not win him any friends.

This is completely unacceptable. A 6 year old knows full well that those words are hurtful and unacceptable. It IS bullying and should be treated as such.

Kick up at the school. Write a letter to your dd's teacher and copy in the head and chair of governors.

You want to reiterate the bullying policy and point out where they are failing. Use specific examples and dates, and say how it's affecting your daughter. be sure to include when you spoke to the teacher and reinforce how this hasn't helped.

Fgs it is not victim blaming to suggest coping strategies it is obviously necessary to both raise the issue of bullying with the school and give the dd some ways to deal with this behavior as she will come across it again.

I have two very sensitive children who have had to put up with stupid comments like the ops poor dd, I tell them to report to teachers and to (at least appear to) ignore stupid hurtful comments. I explain that you should feel sorry for children that lack the imagination and empathy to understand the damage caused by mean comments/ or are so insecure they have to try to bring others down.

It is not victim blaming to say that reacting to mean comments gives the bully power, you cannot always control the actions of others only your response.

Having had a child who was bullied, it is very difficult to teach them to stand up to their bullies. DD was fairly good with a sharp retort, but found the bullies just told on her and she ended up in the wrong. Apparently if she was less defensive, she'd have more chance of making friends... wtf! Ignoring them just makes them more persistent. OP, I sympathise hugely.

I would also advise against responding in any way.

they clearly are not dealing with this chikd and seem to he denying a 6 yr old is even capable of being mean so the only person likely to get into any trouble is your dd.

people often underestimate just how spiteful kids can be.

I spent years subjected to it.

started at sodding pre school.

I'm sorry about your dd.

Can you role play with her to work in some withering responses.

Work out some things she could say which (if repeated) absolutely won't get her into trouble but will still make the point felt.

It might be a "grown up style" telling off "this is completely unacceptable behaviour, how dare you address me in this fashion" (with appropriate tone and manner) or perhaps a careless/bored shrug "go away little boy, take your rude behaviour somewhere else" followed by laughing with her friends and some serious blanking?

You could also teach her how to laugh in his face/sneer everytime he speaks (not very nice I know but it sounds like she needs the help)

If he's rude to her directly in front of staff could you teach her to politely call the staff member on it "I don't think that was appropriate behaviour?"

Some of this stuff helped DD respond to another girl the same age who was bullying her. She is tiny compared to my very tall daughter and I suspect no one could quite believe that this petite, very beautiful and well behaved child was making DD's life quite so miserable.

The appropriate way to respond to taunts does depend on the child, my dd is very likely to both argue back and get visibly upset. She is autistic, she simply does not understand why people are mean and will stand up for herself and others but she can make herself more of a target by the way she responds so I am protecting her by encouraging her not to give bullying or taunting too much power over her. This might not be the best approach for an NT child, I don't think there is one approach.

Ds is also HF asd and I find that encouraging him to use his excellent sense of humour to diffuse uncomfortable situations can help, so he will refuse to take taunting comments seriously when he can. He also talks to his teachers and is not frightened to report things that bother him. When he was younger (he is nearly 12 now) this was not possible but he is slowly building resilience. I think most schools are more nurturing and open to recognising bullying than they used to be, I am sure there is still more to do of course.