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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask whats the grossest thing your child has done?

51 replies

Vickyyyy · 06/07/2016 18:52

So..

So, this morning kids woke up late (for them...meaning like 8am) but instead of the nonestop screaming until we got them up, they were playing and laughing so naturally we took the time to have a bit of a lie in. Worst.Decision.EVER.

20 mins or so later, go to sort them out. Daughter [3] had done an absolute monster of a poo in the middle of the bedroom floor, and had clearly spent the past 20 minutes PAINTING HER BROTHER WITH IT while they both laughed about how amusing it was.

She then looked at us like we were mental while we had a breakdown.

Son [nearly 2] had a meltdown in the shower while pointing at the pieces of poo that were going down the plughole, tried grabbing at some of it too while crying as if we were throwing out his favourite toy infront of him. Hmm

Then Daughter asked why 'baby' was clean again with a big frown... once he had been showered and was no longer looking like a gigantic poopsicle Angry

Can anyone top this? I'm sure this isn't the worst of it and I should be on the lookout for something worse before long. I honestly did think it was as gross as it got watching son licking up a particularly terrible snot that he had sneezed out, complete with smirk. But it obviously gets worse?!

OP posts:
acasualobserver · 06/07/2016 19:26

I sometimes wish that I'd been a parent. To the posters on this thread: thank you helping me come to terms with it.

Original poster
Vickyyyy · 06/07/2016 19:28

What I want to know though op is what did you do about the carpet?

We have a steam cleaner. Went through an entire bottle of febreeze too just for the sake of it as it didn't really smell that bad (strangely enough) anyway

The steam cleaner..is one of those things that my husband amassed over the years that I always tell him to chuck out as we wont ever use it and its just shoved in a cupboard somewhere. I was wrong.

OP posts:
MistressChalk · 06/07/2016 19:30

My brother sneezed whilst eating spaghetti. There was a strand of spaghetti hanging out of his nose after....he started creaking out so my dad had to pull it out for him. It was the longest bit of spaghetti I've ever seen....

user7755 · 06/07/2016 19:40

Ate a worm.
A girl at school told him to do it, so he did.
He cried afterwards and said he didn't want to do it, it tasted horrible.
He has learning difficulties and is very suggestible, never crosses his mind that people might be being mean to him unless it is me telling him to turn his xbox off, in which case I'm the cruelest person in the world

MiscellaneousAssortment · 06/07/2016 19:40

Shudders and laughs at same time.

Nct friend told us (whilst shakily downing a pint of lime and soda in the pub - nearest we could get to downing alcohol!)... about bending down to get a clean nappy besides newborn on changing table... Only to get a shot of explosive liquid milk poo right in an open mouth. Ugh!!!!!!

I heard the clearing babies sinuses by sucking out the snot thing too. They told me that 'sometimes you don't have a choice' ... I bought one of those baby suck out of snot bulbs immediately! Which, by the way I never used, is that story peddled by baby equipment sellers to make all soon to be parents rush out and buy pointless kit?!

whois · 06/07/2016 19:42

Oh my got the eating poo.... WHY would they do that? Doesn't it smell bad to them?

JessicaRabbit3 · 06/07/2016 19:43

My DD smeared poo all over her bedroom wall carpet Confused

AlfrescoBalconyWanker · 06/07/2016 19:47

Eating fox poo. And then getting very upset when I ran screaming towards them removed it from their hands. My home cooked meals though? Nah, not a chance. Fox shit is more appealing than my cooking.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/07/2016 19:49

My DN had a good old play with the rim block thingy in a public men's urinal.

CakeNinja · 06/07/2016 20:15

Ds scooped out and ate half a toilet duck gel disc Envy
He smelt pine fresh though!

Magicpaintbrush · 06/07/2016 20:59

Last week my DD (who is 7 and old enough to know better) drew a big heart on her bedroom mirror using a giant slimey bogey.

After reading some of these other posts we have clearly got off lightly so far.

chocolatecakemakesmefat · 06/07/2016 21:07

Can beat this no problem ds 3.7 has (asd and learning difficulties) quite regularly gets out of bed and smears poo all over the walls/bed/carpet the amount of washing I go through is unreal Envy just very glad he has went near Dd (1) yet !

BrandNewAndImproved · 06/07/2016 21:10

I ate my dds poo once. It was under my finger nail and I didn't realise. I was eating crisps and then I was eating poo. So glad my dcs aren't little anymore.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 06/07/2016 21:12

Oh god OP I laughed at yours but some of the others have me heaving!

thenewaveragebear1983 · 06/07/2016 21:22

My dd put a piece of chewing gum from under the table in a McDonald's into my coffee and I didn't notice until it touched my lip as I drained my cup. That was 10 years ago and it still makes me want to bleach my mouth out.

HumphreyCobblers · 06/07/2016 21:26

ds3 chewed on the loo brush.

Flisspaps · 06/07/2016 21:30

DD ate a 70ish cm piece of pink wool, and didn't say anything until she struggled to poo it out.

I sat next to her, rubbing her tummy and freaking out inside about her having worms when I saw it - she finally admitted what she had done, but I had to very gently pull on it to get it out.

It was like that sodding magic trick with the string of hankies (boak) - it just kept on coming and coming once I started pulling

Sassypants82 · 06/07/2016 21:40

Omg, these are hilarious 😂 😂 😂

I have to admit that I've sucked out my son's nose when he was an infant. Worked a treat too. Had a nasal aspirator & a bulb thing but didn't always work. He'd 2 now & I regularly find myself picking his nose..

ThomasRichard · 06/07/2016 22:02

DS smeared poo all over his room once as a baby. I didn't know where to start.

As a parent, some of my grosser responsibilities have included pulling semi-digested, semi-excreted blueberries from my babies' bums and helping a constipated baby DD de-constipate as she squeezed out two weeks' worth of food in what looked like an enormous ribbon of toothpaste.

thisismeusernameything · 06/07/2016 23:09

This thread is the absolute best contaceptive and dietary aid.

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 06/07/2016 23:20

My DS - age 4 or so - did the biggest most perfectly formed poo in the bath. With his cousin still in it. His 2 years older pink princess cousin. I can still hear the screams!

Hairyfairy01 · 06/07/2016 23:27

Upon first meeting a new friend of mine, my then 4 year old son dropped his pants, bent over, split his arse cheeks open and farted in her face. I still remember the horror well. no doubt my friend who is probably reading this remembers too she has now moved out of the country don't blame her

Original poster
Vickyyyy · 07/07/2016 00:40

@Hairyfairy01 OMFG I actually snorted at that. Then had to explain to DH...who now wants to know why I shared our experience with the internet. Oh the shame... Grin

OP posts:
AllTheFluffyAnimals · 07/07/2016 00:47

'See this poo on my finger? Do you think it came from my bum or from the toilet?'

Nice little puzzle set for me by 6yo dd2.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 07/07/2016 12:55

Trick question All: bet it came from a siblings bum Grin

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