Saving for the possible

[Curtains77]

I am currently attempting to get all my ducks in a row to leave my husband at some point in the near( ish) future and have confided in a couple of trusted friends for advice and support. In the process of asking advice they have revealed to me that they ALL have a secret fund - separate to the household finances - that their husbands do not know anything about . In case the marriages break up . All three friends have demonstrated this advance planning for the 'just in case' even though they all admit that they have no reason to think anything like that will happen ... so I started wondering if this is usual ? Am i the only person who has not done this and now in the regrettable position that I am so unprepared ?! Thoughts lovely people ? Xx

I have several accounts and no joint account with DH. I don't view them as running away accounts but it means I have total control over my money unless we divorced when stuff is viewed overall as a pot.

I still think die hard romantics should have their own bank accounts. I'm older though and have seen several what appears to be rock solid marriages break up.

Second hand jewellery is worth nowhere near what it is insured for unfortunately. I have sold two engagement rings, I'm mercenary though

I'd get the ring valued before you make plans based on that - if the £2K is what it cost, I think £1K value is probably very high.

Ok got it - i will definately bow to your experience Piemernator and put a trip to the jewellers on my to do list this morning ! X best to know what I am dealing with !

We have our own accounts but just because our finances are complicated.

If we split up my finances wouldn't change that much so I don't need to worry about it.

I also love him and have planned my future with him - one that does not involve a secret bank account and I think it's really sad that so many posters on here do.

And I say that as someone who has been divorced.

We always had our own accounts and a joint account - it was the way I was brought up and, because I was a saver and he was spendthrift, I felt safer this way. This proved a godsend when DH had a stroke that triggered rapid onset dementia and he needed care and eventually to go into a nursing home. Care costs were all based on his and joint accounts but my savings and income did not come into the calculation.
So have your own account but see it as a rainy day account not a running away fund!

They valued it at 600 quid - luckily I was prepared for it to be low thanks to u guys so at leat I know what I have to potentially play with ! On the other hand the ladies at the D A drop in were fab and I am feeling positive . Apprehensive but positive !

We have separate savings accounts only because of having to have different banks due to the limited FSCS guarantee. None of it is secret.

It's not so much the separate vs joint thing - it really is each to their own I think - it's the specifically thinking I am secretly apportioning this money for this . It's feels like a pre nup essentially. I just wondered if it was normal! ?

oP, for some reason, I find it very hard to summarise my experience, it is a rather complex sequence of events. But, I learnt just how selfish he actually is.
Once I had our DD, I felt it would be unwise not to have an emergency fund. It was stuff like: she's fine, doesn't need new socks, pull them up higher, she'll be fine. Stuff like: I'd make, say, a cake, and he'll have the last piece not once thinking maybe my kid will have that.
Stuff like we needed a new washing machine and he'll say: I'm going to need those money for my hobby, the machine is fine (it wasn't. We put it on the overdraft, which grew and grew).
So, a sequence of events. I just thought, nah, I'd better save separately. Hence the fund.

DH and I have separate accounts but we regard our money as collectively joint, just in different places. He doesn't know about all my accounts though - we just don't discuss it that much, but it's not really secret as the statements are filed away with all the rest of the admin. For me my savings are a general 'just in case' thing that I've always had, it could be for having to leave DH or having to take an urgent flight, or a zombie apocalypse! It doesn't really mean I think any of it would happen. I don't get the mentality of people who just spend every penny that they have - I used to put money aside even when I was on benefits. Both DH and I are savers and we both see us having a future together.