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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The reception class doesn't sit right with me

51 replies

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 13:55

Ds had a settle day in reception last week and it's really playing on my mind. We have done a year in the schools nursery, half days and have gotten a place in the reception school- so far so good all gone to plan.
My son is very out going and confidant and has a very good vocabulary. He talks alot older than he is and will talk to anyone.
2 other mums have asked to be put in the same class as him as he brings out the other children's confidence and instigates play with groups ect.
The reception is a 2 class intake. All the children from the nursery are in the other class except 4 who are in our class. The 2 other boys who asked to go with ds and another girl. The rest of the children come from all over day care and private nurseries and havn't don't the school set up before. When I picked him up a few of the other children were crying and they just seem so much younger and not used to the school setting. Im annoyed that my child has been put with the other 2 in the other class for what I perceive as others benefit. Am I being unreasonable here? Overthinking it?

OP posts:

Witchend · 04/07/2016 14:31

At our infant school it used to be done exactly on birthdays. So they listed all the boys in age order and went down the list "class 1, class 2, class 1, class 2..." and then did the same with the girls.

Two years above dd1 it worked out so that all the dc from one local preschool except one went into one class and the reverse happened from the other local preschool.
In dd2's year all the bossy confident girls from both preschools went into one class and all the quiet shy ones were in the other.

Neither was deliberately done and in most cases it worked out well.

Original poster

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 14:33

This is all great stuff thank you. Really making me feel better.

OP posts:

corythatwas · 04/07/2016 14:36

Crying at the start of Reception is no indication of immaturity, nor is staying calm an indication of maturity. My dd clung to me and cried buckets: she was one of the older children in the class, mature for her age and ended up in top sets. Ds was a lot calmer but was very young for his age and needed help for a long time both with the academic side and with social confidence.

If you want the best for your child you will achieve this by adopting a brisk positive attitude towards things that happen in his life unless they are absolutely unacceptable. And above all, you need to focus on the fact that "having the best" in the long run will mean developing resilience and an attitude of responsibility for his own success. These are attitudes we model to our children consciously or subconsciously, not least in how we react to matters that affect them.

WobbleYourHead · 04/07/2016 14:36

My DD is just approaching the end of reception in a double intake school. This time last year I was concerned that she'd been split from friends and was with a lot more of the new children. Now at the end of the year I can honestly say it's been the best thing for her!

WobbleYourHead · 04/07/2016 14:43

Witchend ours seems to be a split of "confident" kids and quieter kids. DD has thrived amongst the quieter kids.

PerspicaciaTick · 04/07/2016 14:46

Oh, and DD joined a 45 PAN (2 class) intake of which around 20 children had attended her nursery.
When she started school she swore blind she didn't know anyone, so she just made friends (or in some cases re-made friends) and got on with it. I think that 3-5 years olds have a lot more fluid ideas about friends than adults do.

Original poster

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 14:49

Thank you everyone. Really helped. Ill leave it and just watch how he goes.

Im a week overdue with dc2 so deffo making a mountain out of a molehill.

OP posts:

Jenny70 · 04/07/2016 14:50

Even if your son is the most mature and settled, it will be to his advantage. He'll be given responsibility to take the roll to the office, pop next door to ask the teacher to borrow something, take another child to the office etc.

He will also be expected to act sensibly as a role model to the class, possibly have a buddy that he can look after etc etc.

Better to be the "rooster" in a new class, than in class full of roosters that just crow all day long and never pay attention to the class. At least the "crowing" can be harnessed into good

PastaLaFeasta · 04/07/2016 14:51

It's strange to be so unevenly spread. However, my child will be starting after being in a childcare type nursery setting and I'm more concerned about the other kids being cliquey and exclusive because they already know each other from the school nursery. This happened to my eldest who went to a different school nursery. Luckily my eldest is very resilient and outgoing so she didn't pay any attention and has made her own friends - not the cliquey group even after almost two years. But then the mothers are the same and I'm still an outsider too.

My youngest won't have had the advantage of having started phonics but she is super independent and confident even if she has two days at home. She won't be disadvantaging your son if she happened to be in his class. Nor will it be a bad thing that he has to work alongside new people - it's a good life skill and the kids will quickly settle. Many of the new kids, including both my DDs, will know no other child when starting reception so your son having three friends is a big bonus.

Stickerrocks · 04/07/2016 14:59

In most cases class allocation is completely random. I couldn't understand why in a 5 intake year DD was put in a class with 3 other girls with exactly the same name. There was no logic to it.

Please don't write off the kids who haven't attended the feeder nursery school either. It's completely natural to be overwhelmed in new surroundings when you are only 3 or 4. They are likely to be used to long days (8-6) and full weeks already & will be just as keen to make friends as your DS.

Original poster

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 15:13

Oh yea im sure they are lovely children. I think it was the strange divide and the fact 2 other parents told me they had asked and I was overthinking it

OP posts:

starry0ne · 04/07/2016 15:15

My Ds moved to school with 3 other children from nursery.I don't think he has glanced at them since he moved up to school.. He has a group of 5 friends ..none he knew before school.

EarthboundMisfit · 04/07/2016 15:27

Yes, I don't think you need to worry about this. He may end up friends with them, he may not. Either way, it's actually a lovely compliment to your DS and won't affect him negatively. Hope he enjoys school.

TelephonicsSuper · 04/07/2016 15:28

YABU - over thinking it deffo.
you look back at this and laugh at what a precious loon you were...

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 04/07/2016 15:35

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yeah, a bit.
OP: OK, fair enough, thanks for your help.

??????????

Nonononono OP - that's not how AIBU works! You're supposed to get arsey and shout at everyone! Then it turns in to a bunfight!

You're a week overdue and you're being reasonable!

Original poster

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 15:43

Hahah! milktwosugars I have plenty more to argue about. Wait till dh gets home and the unreasonable argument I've been having with him in my head-about leaving his stuff on the floor and making me bend down and get it- comes to a head. Almost feel sorry for the stupid arse

OP posts:

Original poster

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 15:49

Oh- i also cried hysterically for a good 20 mins that everyone thought I was nuts to go to the fanzone Friday for the match (we are welsh) and I didn't go and felt I was being "controlled" by my husband and family that they seriously advised I didn't go.
See- it's there, don't worry 🙈

OP posts:

noramum · 04/07/2016 16:04

DD cried on her first setting in day. She and a handful of others came from various nurseries, pre-schools and childminders.

Come first school day - she marched in without a second look to me and DH who actually called her to say "have a nice day". Between these two days were 3 months.

Just because some children may be overwhelmed by the school it doesn't mean that they will hold the class back, will be unhappy for months to come and create mayhem.

I actually think it was good that DD had to start from scratch instead of relying on old friends.

Barmcakebessie · 04/07/2016 16:29

I've just agreed to take my 3 dc and their friends to fanzone (welsh too) on wed..aarrrgggh! I hope they win! Ps. Reception will be fine.

Original poster

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 16:36

Im beyond jealous! It will be incredible, if they win, well, just unbelievable. I bet im in labour. Actually, I bet they go through and im in labour for the final.

Im not naming this child Bale whatever glares at DH

OP posts:

hotdiggedy · 04/07/2016 16:38

Are you sure you aren't just here to brag about how amazing your son is to the point that parents actually requested that their children be in class with him? Well, you have mentioned it a good number of times and this is AIBU remember.

CherryPicking · 04/07/2016 16:39

Your son must be a really good influence if there are grown women wanting to go back to school just to be in his class!

Original poster

user1466690252 · 04/07/2016 16:50

No, I don't see it as a brag? I see it as a point that annoyed me if the teacher took their wishes over my child into account without asking me. Maybe I didn't make it clear? Bur there's nothing to brag about here?
And I realise it reads like that cherry but we are all intelligent people here I figured you could oversea the slight spelling, grammar issues as I'm too tired to go back and correct everything. You get what I mean.

Interestingly when im in my normal username people arnt so goady. The user thing really gets people's backs up doesn't it?!

OP posts:

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 04/07/2016 17:18

Remember too that those confident nursery children might have come out crying or clingy if they had just been taken to one of the day care nurseries and left for half a day with children and adults whom they had never met before. It's a shame that the classes aren't more balanced but I think you need to just wait and see.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 04/07/2016 17:27

I'm a Reception teacher.

Each school will have their own system for allocating children into Reception classes. At our school, each of the three Reception classes will be made up of approx half Nursery children and half new-to-the-school children.

When classing we take into account gender, DOB, academic ability, SEN and friendship groups when considering the children coming up from our school Nursery. We don't consult parents. They can be surprisingly off about who they think their child plays with - and I say this as a mother of three myself! Though if a parent has a particular concern or request we will certainly factor that in.

I can't think why at your child's school they haven't put half the nursery children in one class and half in the other. Children coming from your school nursery are 'knowns'. Children new to the school are 'unknowns'. No teacher wants a class of 'unknowns' if they can help it.

But with regards to the children, they won't care about who is in their class so you have nothing to worry about there. The 'am' and 'pm' nursery children mix seamlessly together and so do the 'new' children. Friendships at that age are extremely fluid. I find most children play with anyone who happens to be there at the time! And in Reception I expect both classes will mix often eg outside, phonics, golden time etc.

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