To defer my child(ren) starting school?

[NeoShadowChaser]

I know this is subjective (depending on the child) however I'm considering doing this, not because I think they'll need to defer, but because I am able to.

I have a 3.5yo DS and a baby DD, both their birthdays are Jan/Feb. We live in Scotland so I know this is different than children living in England.

In Scotland if the children turn 4 on their birthdays in September through to February they can start school the following August or they can defer a year. For children to defer with birthdays Sept-Dec they must apply for this giving a reason for deferring and have this accepted by the LA. They do not get funding for nursery places if they defer with birthdays in these months.

However, if they have birthdays in Jan/Feb then they have the automatic right to defer plus they receive goverment funding to attend nursery.

My DS could effectively be starting school a year in August at 4.5yo. I had not considered deferring at all as he is a quick and enthusiatic learner and extremely inquisitive with a thirst for knowledge. I sound like I'm writing his CV but I'm saying this because I think he would enjoy learning at school. To be honest I have no idea how he compares with his peers but we think he is a clever little thing . And we think he would enjoy that aspect of school.

I spoke to his Health Visitor about it and she said that learning is only one side of it, he would also have to be emotionally ready for it. Up until he started nursery in Feb he rarely mixed with other children as his childcare are the grandparents. He has come on leaps and bounds since starting nursery and is mixing well with other children as well as now having the confidence to go up and speak to other children when he's at the park etc now as opposed to hiding behind me!

I think in another year he could be "ready" to start school at 4.5yo. However I think we are in a very fortunate position of being able to defer him to give him that extra year before being tied to the structure of school at such a young age. That extra year will make a big difference I feel in terms of him being able to cope better in that type of environment and be completely ready to learn on that level and in that structure. I think it will also make a difference when it comes to him starting secondary school and then sitting his exams as he'll be that bit older - I mean compared to him doing the same a year earlier, not in comparison to his peers.

The reservations I had on deferring were purely selfish - it would be easier for childcare and I was concerned that people would think he wasn't bright enough etc to start school at the "usual" time, especially as I have friends whose children will be going to school at aged 4 with birthdays Sept-Dec. Therefore he will now be a year "behind" them. Another consideration was that he would be bored for that extra year and need the stimulation however he would still be attending nursery 5 days a week and I'm not sure in the grand scheme of things that should put me off when looking at the longer term benefits.

DH and I have discussed it and we are both seriously considering deferring him. We don't have to decide right now but we will before around the New Year. I would take a steer from his nursery teachers (althought the stats I have read say that only 4% of children defer based on what their nursery has said), I was also considering speaking to the school he will be attending to see their thoughts/views.

So WIBU to defer my son based on the reasons I have given? Is there anything I've not considered??

Should say *deferring

bigkids- but the system is different in Scotland. In England the reception year is equivalent to the pre- school nursery year in Scotland.
P1 is serious work, no play based activities and knuckling down to serious language and number work.
So no play, no house corner etc.

I know, I live in Scotland now, and my DS just finished p1. I was explaining why not deferring him seemed OK to me.

He has a house corner in his p1 classroom btw

Luna that is a very good point about age differences! DS has a friend who is March born and he'll automatically go the following year. I never thought about that.

I would worry that should I not defer him and he struggles at school that it could knock his confidence and put him off school/learning. Yes, that could happen should be be deferred but I think we'd be giving him the best possible start?

I am concerned though about how he'll feel being "left behind" at nursery when his friends are going to school. It's a private nursery so not attached to the actual school he'll be attending.

Neo it depends how you present it to him, if you make it sound exciting I don't think it would upset him too much!

Dd was one of the earlier but still 4 in August birthdays. I wobbled and after much persuasion from nursery I sent her to school. I knew that if I was ever going to regret it then it would be when she went into first year and I so did. Size wise she was already taller than her class, academically she was ready for p1 but emotionally she wasn't and she really wasn't for first year either when it came. She is just going into 2nd year now and struggled massively last year which has affected both her confidence and her school work but she's getting there now. If I could do back I'd have the confidence no to take on the nursery and insist on deferring. There were others turning 6 a matter of weeks after she turned 5 and at that age developmentally there can be a big gap between 5 & 6.
Both ds's were born after March and over 5 when they started and obviously to me so ready for p1 had dd been the youngest I may have been more sure of how not ready she was after seeing the other 2 start.
Her nursery also had and still has mixed 3's and 4's so there were always some moving to p1 and some staying in nursery so it wasn't a case of all your friends going and you the only one staying another year.
A friend actually moved her dd around p5 to another school to keep her back a year because she got the same pressure and her dd struggled in later primary.

bigkid the Scottish system is geared up more towards a 5 year old who has done 2 years in nursery. It's far more formal education than reception although does still have a lot of learning through play aspects. There's a difference between p1 and reception expectations. Our pre school nursery year is closer to reception than p1.

Xpost big kid. Sorry. But yes ds2 just finished p1 and he too had a house corner or a post office corner etc. Depending on topic there is still play based learning just far more formal learning than reception.

I knew that if I was ever going to regret it then it would be when she went into first year and I so did.

Not necessarily, my friend had no regrets about sending her younger child to school until he started secondary. It was then that she realised she had made a mistake in not deferring.

I have a January born DD1. We did not defer, and she has just finished P2. She is in the top group for reading and maths, and she has just got a fantastic school report. She has lots of friends, and has never struggled with the emotional/social side of things.

We decided not to defer becase we thought she was academically
and socially ready (as did her nursery) and we thought she would probably be bored spending another year at nursery (and I would have ended up having to teach her to read). Also, I am Jan born too, and went to school at 4.5.

In her class it seems to be the case that most of the Jan/Feb boys were deferred, but only one girl (there are two other girls in her class who are a couple of weeks younger and were not deferred). This is in a pretty middle class area, so I don't think it is always the case that parents are automatically deferring for academic advantage.

I do think parents should be deferring becase they think their child is not ready for school, and not in order to ensure that their child is the oldest - it does seem to be a bit of an abuse of what the right to defer was set up to do.

Deferring wasnt as popular when dd started school nursery did a little assesment tbf but said she was ready for school she is a Feb birthday we really regretted not doing she didnt really catch up till she was in 3rd year of High school . If i had a winter baby now i would Defer

I had a spring baby 1st and she was 5.5 when she went to p1 its almost a year of development and maturity

Our DS is an October birthday and we have deferred him. It is the parents choice to defer any child who is not yet 5 yo on the first day of the August term... Although you may not get nursery funding for the additional year.

I very much wish we'd deferred his much older brothers ( December birthdays). Nothing to do with academic ability, and everything to do with maturity at The end of secondary school and for the university application process, where they are competing with older, more mature pupils from the English and European systems.

DS1 is a jan birthday, he starts school this august. I had thought about deferring him but really he is totally ready. The nursery also had no qualms about sending him, he is ready academically, socially, emotionally and physically (can zip up a jacket, button a shirt, shoes and coat on, etc). He is so excited and was finding nursery really boring.

You just have to decide what is right for your child, you know them the best. So YANBU of course. Plus you can enroll after new year and then still not have made a decision a few months after that.

I don't have kids so can't really comment but my best friend was born on 30th January and was in my year at school - I'm nine months older than her. She got better grades than me and has two degrees

I think it all depends on the child. My brother's friend is a January birthday and he was deferred because he just wasn't ready for school and still struggled even with the extra time.

Absolutely recommend deferring, I did with both of mine, DS Jan birthday, DD Feb. Agonised about it with DS as he was very good academically. But socially and physically less confident. Talked to nursery and head teacher and they were very positive about deferring plus got extra funded year of nursery. Some friends v negative though, as if i didnt have faith him or something! Was 100% right thing to do, took it all in his stride and has always loved school. Sure he would have 'coped' but you don't want them just to cope do you? Now he has just finished P7 and I am even more glad I did, he would absolutely not have been ready for high school last year,huge difference in maturity after 1 yr and he is definitely ready now. Was easier decision with DD having deferred DS, even though she was probably more confident than DS but quite shy, again the extra yr of nursery made a huge difference and I have no regrets at all. I notice that the younger ones struggle much more with leaving mum at the school gate, mine both went in without a backward glance (of course I may be a horrible mum ). Also older ones cope better with getting themselves organised and with all the other demands of school so they can just get on with it! One of the younger ones in DS year was just not ready and ended up having to do P1 again, much more stressful and traumatic than just an extra year of nursery! I am a February birthday and went to school at 4, I would say I was fine all through primary but really struggled socially (not academically) at high school because I always felt young and everyone else seemed to be developing and growing up faster than me and I felt like I was still a uncool little kid. Goodd luck with making your decision.

I was refused a deferred place for my Jan born Ds back in 2001 and had to send him to school. It didn't go well and we moved region and put him back into p1 in new school. He was much more successful second time round, even though he went on to be diagnosed with ASD.

My Jan born Dd went at 4.5 as the nursery convinced me she was ready, and she was academically. She was never confident and was always smaller than many of the others so she didn't enjoy primary socially. She's left school now with 5 As in her Highers, and hopefully 3 As in her Advanced Highers so she certainly was ready academically. In hindsight though, I should have kept her back just for the physical and social development.

You will not regret deferring your Dc, an extra year of being a child is a gift.

I have worked in the Scottish Education system for many years and would always say if you have the slightest doubt that your child is ready then deffer. The ability may be there when it comes to the reading, writing etc but the emotional and social maturity rarely is.
The transition to secondary makes this all the more apparent with many not being ready for moving up. If they had had that extra year at the beginning of their education they would have been much more ready for high school.

DD has SEN and was not Dx till she was 8 school fobbed us off that she was young i know if I had deferred she was still have sen but it would have been 1 less thing to worry about iyswim was really frustrating at the time.

Yes, I don't want them to just just be able to cope. I'm not sure how I know if my child is completely ready? Yes, I can go on guidance from the nursery. I do think he would be compared to his peers that are starting but I want to do the best for him and that extra year could really help him out.

I wouldn't be doing it for him to be the oldest or for competitive reasons. That hasn't even entered my consciousness!

Is it january they register for school ? Wait till then maybe btw spring dd had 18ish months in preschool nursery she wasnt bored at all

Your child's physical size should not influence your decision to defer. I know several very short men and women who were always top of their class and had plenty of friends.

Go on what nursery said.

My 'he's ready' signs were that he could

Put on and take off all his own clothes
Go to the loo completely on his own
Sit for 20 minutes listening to a story, and be able to answer questions about it
Hold a pencil properly
Join in games with other children

No doubt others have more. My DS could do all those at 4 so I didn't defer and he's happy as Larry. It depends on your child. You make the decision. You can always register him then defer later.

We deferred our ds and have no regrets. He was plenty bright and quick enough, but really not emotionally ready (turns out he wasn't until he was about 10, but that's another story!!).

He's now about to join S1 and he's so ready it's actually wonderful to watch.

I know this is an old thread but there is now a Facebook group called Deferral Support Scotland which aims to help parents find out more about the legal right to defer a mid-Aug to Dec born child in scotland and to support them when applying to their local authority for an extra year of nursery funding.