AIBU to be fucked off about a free family holiday

[Ruskyrobins24]

Background to this is my husband works v long hours and is v tired at the mo.

I work 3 days have a toddler and preg with number 2.

Just got back off a holiday with his family. Very generous they paid for fab accommodation for all and were generally wonderful with DD.
However I can't help feeling really resentful to my DH. All holiday he took the view that as his mother was there to help me he didn't need to do anything at all with DD and just hung out with his bros. I got lots of help from his mum which was great, but I felt furious that he was having a nice time whilst I was still doing all the meals, gets ups etc etc etc as per usual (but with extra help granted). I ended up feeling that I was on holiday with his mum as I spent most of my time with her. He only got up once with DD (she is an early riser) and that was under duress. I also feel we never spent any family time together and he never made much effort to play with DD.

AIBU to be annoyed- or should I be thankful for the lovely holiday and happy he got a much needed break....?

And you're pregnant?
Worth bringing this up as will happen again - and you'll be even more pissed off when there's two.

Utter utter selfish bastard. Seriously that is not on. What would he have done if you'd gone on holiday with your family and behaved like he did?

I'm with the precious poster who recommended asking when you get your break. Maybe push for a weekend away with a friend if you can afford it and let him have a taste of your life so he can understand why.

No its not on.

I actually know this type of family. I went out with a man who lay on the sofa after dinner while the women cleaned up. Promptly dumped him. Also really pissed off with my own dh today not happy with pasta for dinner as he is so spoilt. Now he can't understand why I want a row. I don't want a row but I have only seen him two hours all weekend and that's what I felt like cooking.

Bollocks to this! Doesn't matter who paid for the holiday. I am a SAHM but when we go on holiday (always SC in a cottage somewhere) we take it in turns to have lie-ins each day, to make the girls' dinner etc etc. Otherwise it's not a holiday for me, it's just doing what I do normally but in another place.

YANBU.
Unfortunately when you go away with wider family, people tend to revert into their family dynamic.

When we went away with DSIL and family first time DH regressed and became at one with his sort of adult nephews and seemed to think the tiresome task of getting up in the morning, entertaining DS and clearing away his own beer cans would be done by the magic fairy.

Well this magic fairy is rather stroppy so told him what he needed to do and refused to go away with his family again unless he did his fair share. In fact this holiday I very consciously and deliberately did what I believed to be the correct proportion of cooking/cleaning in line with the number of other adults there. Within about 2 days FH was moaning about how lazy his nephews were . And we pay for our own share.

Dh not happy with pasta = DH doing all the cooking.

Rusky. You didn't have to have a row in front of everyone. You can HISS very effectively in the bedroom! Trust me. Words can be had

But you didn't. So now you need to say to him that you hope he had a great week doing fuck all & that he'd better remember it well, because it'll be the last time if ever happens if he wants to stay married to you - unless he books you both a fully catered, 'waited on hand & foot' holiday and you leave the kids with someone else.

I think I'd be asking why I didn't get a holiday whilst on holiday.

I really don't understand how two people can be in a relationship without talking to each other or listening to each other. Unless he is abusive, what's stopping you from doing that OP?

I would have made it very clear after the first day, and just downed tools - it wouldn't need to be an argument unless he's even more of an arse than he already appears

Could you not have said 'DH, DD needs feeding/entertaining etc' and sat back and let him get on with it?

Yy to what Hunting said 'doing what I do normally but in another place'.

Definitely this. If OH wont do their part, or children when they are older - SC worse than no holiday imo,

It was supposed to be a holiday for both of you. He was selfish, but maybe you should've nipped his laziness in the bud on day two or three rather than coming home feeling aggrieved.

It does sound like your work for the family isn't being recognised properly in the relationship, only his (outside the home) work hours. Having a toddler, being pregnant and working 3 days is hard work.

It will be harder to deal with the holiday dynamic if this isn't addressed, as there will be a growing sense of entitlement. His 'knocking off' when on holiday seeming justified due to the long hours.

It's very hard to deal with these dynamics at the time though.

With myself it was only after I found myself getting more wound up during the course of the week, that I was able to articulate it. Something to do with the women - SIL and myself, getting all the lunch things out for everyone, people eating their food, then sodding off without tidying up.
It took me until about Day 5 to crack, when I insisted that either the 3 of us i.e. DH, DS and I went out for lunch on our own, or I would go by myself.

As you haven't paid for this holiday, perhaps you could afford another one for just the 3 of you?

So, are you going to say something to him then OP?