Why does it seem more acceptable for men to go awol for the day

[Unicorn1981]

We are visiting family back where we are from. Last night I went for food with a mate but was back for midnight only two drinks. Dp took our dd to the park while I had a lie in so when he said he wanted to meet his brother in the pub for a couple of beers I was ok with it. Anyway I was going to bring dd to see his brother in the pub after visiting my parents. Called him and he said he is going into town with his brother and dad for a drinking session! So I'm with dd all day on my own! I don't mind in one way but there's no notice and it just seems ok for him to do this. Once I went shopping on my own for the afternoon and he moaned I'd left her with him all day. I can't see it's as acceptable for a woman to do this!

Sorry but of a cross post. I guess I'm going to have to just get over this and carry on with the day. I'm also a bit pissed off he will come back later in a drunken state and snore all night in the room we are having to all share around a relatives house. I really am not sleeping well at the moment.

He's ok actually Pearl. Can keep it together but his brother and dad can be a bit twatty. This used to happen quite a bit when we lived here before and I guess I'd forgotten about it!

Tell him everything youre writing here, really!
Get some communication standards in place.

Maybe if your bil has just been dumped he doesn't want to see your DD right now. Maybe what bil needs is a day out with his dad and brother.

I honestly think you are making a mountain out of a molehill here just because you haven't got your own way. Maybe you just need to accept that today is his (and more importantly his bil's) day to get what he wants and not yours

Thanks for your comments. You have made me see I may be being a bit ott about it. But I just don't want him to lose focus on why we're here really. He is a great bloke though and I think he probably just wants to try and make his brother feel better and who can blame him for wanting a few drinks. Its just the state he will end up in that worries me! He owes me a day out now though! And I'll be laughing at him in the morning when he feels like crap. I'd best get off to the shop for some earplugs!

💐🍫. It's just 'everything' isn't it. There's a lot going on and a lot of things you're worrying about. You don't need the added stress of worrying what impression he will create tomorrow at his new job, especially when he's going to be the sole earner - you just, quite reasonably, wanted a chilled afternoon /evening before the chaos started again. Totally understandable. He's being thoughtless. I'm not surprised that you're worrying about how regularly this is going to happen now you're moving back.

Right now I'd text him and say 'Actually, it's not ok for you to go out on an all night bender when we have so much to sort out. I need you to be home by x o'clock and not pissed. We have stuff we need to sort out'

I'm all for going out, letting your hair down etc but there are times you just have to act like a grown up and if you can't do that off your own back then don't be surprised if someone else calls you out on it.

Thanks extra. You totally get what I'm saying. As it stands he's still out, insists he will be fine and I don't really want him back like this anyway so I'm going to bed. I'm pissed off with him but he owes me big time and he knows he does. And he's going to sleep in another room at this house. At least it's his family we're staying with!

And I wanted us to have some time with dd before she gets dragged around house viewings again tomorrow.

I would be seriously worried if I had given up work to depend on someone who would go on an all day bender the day before starting a new job.

Oh it's not a new job. He's passed probation. He is doing a first day in the new office near to where we are moving. He came back at 10 last night quite soppy actually. I'm still pissed off with him though.

Its not men in general, its the one you sleep with.

A question 'why do women make such a stupid fuss about not being seen without makeup ?' Would get you roasted on here. Sexism works both ways.

Sort it out with him.