He is in his early 30s. Has been with his DP for about 9 years, she is about 4 years younger and they had their DS just over a year ago, unplanned but a lovely surprise for everyone. The one thing I remember when he rang me to tell me I was going to be a DGM was that he wanted to be a different dad to his own, a 'hands-on' presence in his DS's life and that he wanted me to be involved too. I think it's fair to say that when he was younger he coasted along until I pretty much had to eject him from the former family home about 4 years ago, due to having to sell it in divorce proceedings from his step-dad. He was forced to start standing on his own two feet and with due credit he did get his shit together.
His DP's family is very close, they are really involved in DGS life, whereas I commute for work F/T and my involvement has been less than I want so far but they have just moved in with me temporarily while between accommodation with the plan to save the last few thousand (it is so hard where we live to buy a reasonably priced house) to scrape together a deposit. He works very hard, self employed and worries a lot about money.
Last night he went out with his mates and his DP and DGS were with me. DS was going to 'get the last bus home' which I knew would not happen, as did his DP.
He rolled in a 6am and is still in bed asleep. DP and the baby have just gone out to the beach, but before she went she told me he does this all the time and when she pulls him up for it he tells her she's miserable. She has told me she is fed up with this. It's the first time she has ever confided in me and that tells me she is serious and why shouldn't she be. His DF was similar, although he just used to work away a lot so I spent the first year of our DS's life living like a lone parent.
I want to tell him that it's my impression that she is not a woman who is going to put up with this forever, having sole responsibility for their son whilst he sleeps off the latest lads night out and misses such a crucial time in his son's life. She works F/T too. She has never stayed out all night and then expected him to do what she does (perhaps she should, I don't know).
I want to tell him I believe that if they split up because of his behaviour I think she will be fine, sad about DS, but fine - her family and friends are very close and supportive and it will be my DS who will suffer the most, which as his DM I obviously don't want for him but I don't want history to repeat itself.
What I don't want to do is interfere, but I can see where this could go, I've read the threads in relationships and elsewhere, the advice to LTB and so on. He isn't a bastard, but I do think he's failing to see how unreasonable he is acting and I think he is massively taking his DP for granted.
WIBU to tell him what I'm worrying about, and to not accept any excuses, to tell him to shower, get dressed and get the fuck to the beach where his DP and DS are?