to just give up on contraception and sex?

[YabuDabbaDoo]

I'm too old for the combined pill (always hated being on it anyway.) Coil painful and body rejected it, too traumatic, no way am I putting myself through that again. Now in my 9th month of Depo P and have had spotting/smearing throughout, gained 20lbs and have a constant headache. Condoms, meh, they perform a function but I hate the feel of them (am latex intolerant so have to buy the pricey ones, too.) Feel so wretched that sex is infrequent and unsatisfying and my partner has stopped bothering.

AIBU to just accept that contraception is bad for my health and I'd be better off sticking to intimacy that doesn't risk pregnancy until menopause?

I had laparoscopic sterilisation in March, only in hospital a few hours, it's olbviously more involved than the snip, I had 3 weeks of work but that's more to do with my job.

Quick recovery but a surgeon may be unwilling if you have had a lot of abdo surgery, I had 2 c sections and they did warn me due to that, I may need an open procedure and to stay in hospital. None of this happened and I was home by 12. Hope you find a resolution I was limited to contraceptive methods too! and it feels amazing to be free of false hormones.

Diaphragm is 94% effective. Condoms are 98%. If you are over 50 (assuming this because you are too old for the combined pill??) then it's probably perfectly sufficient. You could always combine it with a bit of natural family planning and cycle tracking too to avoid the highest risk times. You can buy a one-size-fits-all diaphragm called Caya on Amazon for about £30.

If you are too old for the pill then your fertility is probably on the decline though.
The pregnancy rate may be one in 50 for a 25 year old, but will be much lower towards the end of your reproductive life.

I have a "shy cervix" as well and if the mooncup is anything to go by, getting a diaphragm in might make me so sore that I'd need a day to recover!

Sorry to keep batting back helpful suggestions. I've been in this game for getting on 30 years now and am just fed up with the whole thing. Depo has been the last straw. TMI alert but I have to wear pantry liners every sodding day because of this stupid smeary stuff that is too dry for proper sanpro or mooncup and too messy not to deal with. Don't even get me started on the several-month-long quest to find some that don't make me itch and don't make me smell like Febreze if I walk too quickly.

Thanks mange and pearly, you're right, I am basing my diaphragm knowledge on research from 1985 will have a better look.

Thanks lilybens and differentname for sharing your experiences. Yes I've had sections amongst other things so it could be a faff.

Diaphragms are much softer than a mooncup.

The Femcap is silicone.

I'm in a similar position but am 33 so I have a long time left to "be careful". I had my second and last baby at 29 and found the mini pill and depo gave me really bad anxiety and worse depression. Luckily I had no bleeding at all. Combined was better but my blood pressure is too high. Tried a coil but found it uncomfortable, as did my DH when poked by the wire! Implant is the same as the depo/mini pill. DH finds condoms too tight so can't enjoy it and I'm not a big fan either.

DH won't risk the snip due to the post op pain risk. This is also a risk after female sterilisation - I already have chronic back and pelvic pain caused by the two pregnancies. GPs vary on their response to a request for sterilisation but it's not too expensive to go private if necessary.

It's not even worth it anyway as DH isn't interested in me - the risk of DVT and strokes or chronic pain or increased anxiety is not worth it for a once month fumble. I can understand the frustration in a new relationship however.

it takes 20 minutes and they recover in a week. mine had his on saturday morning and was in work monday morning.

Glad your dh recovered quickly, certainly not everyone does though, my dh had to have 2 weeks off work with an infection. He's hard as nails too so if he had issues you know it really hurt! Some men have long term problems too.

AIBU to just accept that contraception is bad for my health and I'd be better off sticking to intimacy that doesn't risk pregnancy until menopause?

You probably don't mean this seriously, but I actually think it is a great idea.

If PiV isn't so very great for you, it is quite likely not worth the effort and risks.

I think it's either sterilisation or avoid PIV for a while. There are a million & one other things you can do

Yes I think just skipping penetrative sex might be the answer actually.

Thanks everyone, been good to talk this through! I might start a thread in family planning now about Depo, I've decided not to go for it again and am desperate to know when I might feel better!

I've had an essure sterilisation. It's gone ok, although I have to wait until three months have passed to check its worked. It's a fairly quick and painless procedure, a bit more than having a coil put in but only slightly. Have to use condoms for 3 months whilst it takes effect tho.