To not want my mother teaching dd naughty behaviour?

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I really dont know whether im being unreasonable or not here.

My dd is nearly 4 and repeats alot of things! Im trying to bring her up to be respectful and with manners etc.

However my mother keeps teaching dd things i dont like. For example...

My mum burps and says dirty pig straight away instead of excuse me. Dd then repeats dirty pig straightaway. My thinks this is hilarious! I on the other hand correct dd straightaway.

Another one is dd was annoying my mum today (my mum isnt particularly child friendly) and my mum asked dd if she wanted a "clout" im not sure how to spell it but it basically means a smack.

She would NEVER smack her but dd then asked my mum if she wanted a clout!

I do not like dd being taught these things! I pull my mum up on it everytime but she says im not letting dd be a kid and im always saying dont do this, that etc.

Anyway when i was brushing dds teeth the other day (something she hates) she asked me if i wanted a smack!!!!!!

How do i get round this??

At the moment im telling dd that its naughty what nanna says and we musnt say naughty things etc.

My mum was the same with me as a child and i dont want dd growing up like i did. I ve had to teach myself people skills as an adult etc.

Its not as simple as just asking her not to do it as she takes no notice!

I dont want dd growing up like i did and not knowing how to be socially.

I cringe at the things i ve said to people over the years that i never knew that you werent suppose to say to people.

It was only when i was 21ish that a work boss told me that i had a way with words and i had behavioural issues and no idea how to be with people in public.

The amount of people i ve offended over the years is unbelieveable!

However now im much much better!!! Dh has said afew times that i ve improved massively within the last 5 years.

I will just have to keep correcting dd

I think you are being entirely reasonable. You grew up with very poor social skills as a result of poor parenting (although it may have been very loving) and you would rather your dd didn't have the same.

I think it's fine to pull your mum up every time she says something ridiculous like 'dirty pig' or just say 'in this house, we say XYZ' and leave it at that. As the years go by, you can make it clear to your dd that it is nanna who is out of order, and that's not polite, and to see it for what it is- a quite sad person's inappropriate behaviour rather than something to copy.

I wouldn't call it 'naughty', I'd just say, 'oh, that's not polite, say 'excuse me' or whatever' or even better, try not to do that in public.Tell her what she needs to do instead and over time, your way will become the norm, not your mums.

I do think teaching a small amount of manners (no eating with mouth open, managing bodily functions) is really good parenting, your mum can't do it, so you just have to plough on. If you and your husband are together on this, you will have more influence than a twice weekly visiting grandma.

Dh is very much on board!!!

He was really annoyed yesterday about it. He did tell dd that nanna says things that are not nice sometimes and we dont say dirty pig or do you want a smack etc!

Dd then replied that nanna was naughty for saying that

Equally, you don't want to encourage your dd to call grandma 'naughty' as that's not very nice either.

Just continue to model the right behaviour all the time, so if she burps, say 'say excuse me', or 'try not to do that so loudly' or whatever.

I don't think briefing against nanna is the right way to go, just be consistently polite yourselves.

The 'smack' thing, I would have a quiet word with your mum when dd not around. She'll say 'I didn't mean it, blah blah' but just keep saying 'we don't say things like that in our house' like a broken record.