Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people feel awkward around me?

72 replies

MumQuack · 01/07/2016 20:44

As well as being a mum, I'm a clinical psychologist working with people with mental health problems. When I'm in social situations I get the feeling some people feel awkward around me, as if I'm analysing them, or reading their mind. When I tell people what i do they often say 'oooo I hope you're not reading my mind!' I hate it when people say it because it makes the interaction awkward from the outset......all I want is for people to feel normal around me, that I'm normal and not that I'm analysing them! I honestly feel that my job has stopped some people feeling they can get close to me. Maybe I should just play my work down or leave out the word psychologist!! Please be honest, would you feel awkward around me if you just met me and found out my job?....

OP posts:
shazzarooney999 · 01/07/2016 21:44

I must admit If i met you socially I would probably think you were trying to read me! lol saying that i have met a few pychologists over the last few years and some I have felt comfy with, in fact probably all of them and i am so glad that they can and do read situations.

I have a son on the spectrum and he left me with my mouth open wide at Cahms with something he said, what he had said was not true, but I wanted the ground too open up and swallow me lol, they were fine about it, it was me that werent lol.

Original poster
MumQuack · 01/07/2016 21:44

It's not just about first encounters. There are some people who I've known a while who seem awkward....a bit nervous around me. I know it's they're stuff, not mine, but it's a shame because as I said, it stops some people feeling they can get close to me. And sometimes they are people who perhaps I would like to be closer to.

OP posts:
PatronIcingBardStarred · 01/07/2016 21:45

I have a very lovely friend who's a psychologist, it took me a while to get used to the fact that she listens very intensely when people are talking to her. It makes me aware I'm talking the biggest pile of shite sometimes Grin

Grilledaubergines · 01/07/2016 21:49

I think if it was the first time of meeting you then yes I would feel awkward. In the same way that despite never having ever been on the wrong side of the law I feel like a hardened criminal in the company of a Police officer. Overly conscious of what I am saying, body language etc. neither of which would vevavtrue reflection of me.

However, that would be my problem and not yours. You a highly qualified professional, wear your badge with pride!

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2016 21:50

I don't know. I'm getting the feeling you feel a bit awkward around people yourself in social situations, or at least from the small bit you've written that's how it seems to me.

Awkward people make me feel slightly awkward.

It doesn't matter how they earn their pay.

EsmeraldaEllaBella · 01/07/2016 21:52

Wouldn't bother me. I think you're over analysing this...

spidey66 · 01/07/2016 21:54

I'm a CPN, I can be asked a few questions, then I move on to the weather, the news, last nights telly.....

When I'm off duty I don't want to talk about work.

VestalVirgin · 01/07/2016 22:00

I don't get why people think psychologists can read minds. It's not as if reading a lot of texts on psychology makes you somehow magic.

Actually, I know a psychologist and she's rather insensitive and doesn't seem to be able to understand people all that well ... she apparently doesn't want to make the effort when she isn't paid for it.

I think my secrets are about as safe from a psychologist than from anyone else.

April229 · 01/07/2016 22:01

I'm also a psychologist (occupational) I get the same reaction, I just tell people I work in HR now and move on.

shazzarooney999 · 01/07/2016 22:01

MumQuack, are you sure its not just you??

WuTangFlan · 01/07/2016 22:04

Thing is, there's a difference between:

a) a psychologist
b) a psychotherapist
c) a psychiatrist

DixieNormas · 01/07/2016 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldestmumaintheworld · 01/07/2016 22:11

I think it's rather more a question of gauging when you are totally honest about what you do and when you 'smooth' the truth a little. So for example in some circumstances I do tell people what I do, but very often I don't tell them the whole truth. So I might say, Oh I manage a team of people, or I do research, or I work in the third sector. Why do I do this? Because either people's eyes glaze over when I tell them exactly what I do which kills conversation stone dead, or they can be intimidated by what I do, or they say tiresome things like 'oh, do you know so and so' to which the honest answer would be ' Yes, and I don't want to discuss them with you. '

So in your situation I might just say, I work in the health service, or I work with people who are struggling with their mental health, or something equally innocuous. That way you don't scare the nervous away, but you allow a space for others to get to know you better.

AnnaMarlowe · 01/07/2016 22:11

Wu Yes, I'm aware that there is, but why is that relevant to this discussion?

Lunar1 · 01/07/2016 22:18

You're not going tone close friends with everyone you meet though are you. If someone is still uncomfortable around you after you've met a few times then your are probably not a good match as friends.

It's neither party's fault, it's just the way it works out sometimes. The right friends for you won't be put off.

Lunar1 · 01/07/2016 22:18

To be, not tone!!!

tootiredforthissh1t · 01/07/2016 22:19

Are you really a psychologist though? I mean really?

Original poster
MumQuack · 01/07/2016 22:21

What tootired?!

OP posts:
grumpysquash3 · 01/07/2016 22:21

TBH I think it's one of those professions that people take notice of and comment on. If you were more vague like saying you work 'in medicine' or 'for the NHS' it probably wouldn't happen.
I discover and develop new cancer therapies and really don't tell new people that as it almost always ends up with them wanting to discuss great uncle George's lung cancer or similar. I am not a clinician, nor do I work in a hospital or for the NHS, so am not very interested in hearing people's experiences with them. Especially complaints about waiting times (I do realise they are awful, but I don't have anything to offer on any level to help it in any way)

tootiredforthissh1t · 01/07/2016 22:26

My perception is that with all that introspection and reflective thinking a psychologist would be comfortable in their own skin and not so concerned about what others think. Like a pp said, it's their shit not yours.

Julia2016 · 01/07/2016 22:26

My best mate is a clinical psychologist also and I've always been comfy around her because A) I'm pretty secure in my self and b) when we meet she wants to be herself, not click into doctor mode.

I think it's not your problem OP, it's people's own reactions and let them deal with those.

WorraLiberty · 01/07/2016 22:29

OP, do you yourself feel awkward in social situations generally?

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 01/07/2016 22:30

Might there be an element of intellectual intimidation? I'm just a teacher, but I felt a similar reluctance to open up from some of the other mums in various groups - as if they thought I was judging them. Last week a playgroup mum asked me what I thought of the referendum result 'because you're clever'. Confused I'm not, I'm just gobby on FB

Original poster
MumQuack · 01/07/2016 22:31

Nothing wrong with caring what others think....it doesn't mean you're not comfortable in your skin.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/07/2016 22:35

But forget your job for a minute.

Do you generally feel awkward in social situations?

I know some people who do and as a result, it can make some others feel awkward around them

Swipe left for the next trending thread