To have taken his favourite stuffed toy away?

[EvangelineP]

DS is 4 and quite a live wire. Tonight I was on Skype to my sister and DS came in and was being very cheeky but fine. He then launched his stuffed hedgehog at the iPad as a joke as he was "throwing at auntie". I told him not to. He did it again. I told him if he threw it at the iPad again he would lose the hedgehog for the night. I've never taken it away. He sleeps with it every night. To be honest I didn't really think it through I just didn't want the iPad to go flying again. He looked square at me and launched it at the iPad again. So I took the hedgehog. He wailed for it for over an hour and I feel awful. I felt like if I gave in at that point the message would be entirely the wrong one. But it is his comfort toy.

I think it's quite important to own it when I get it wrong. I did follow through on my threat but I don't think it was the best way to handle it. I suppose I hope that it the long run I'm aiming for him to be reflective and be willing to own up to it when he could have done something better. I don't know how he will learn that behavior unless I model it. I don't think it's pandering to him to explain my thought process. He hurls the hedgehog at the iPad again he will go on thinking step (what we call timeout). I was on Skype for about 15 minutes and had turned on CBeebies for him but it had switched to bedtime hour which he has recently decided isn't his cup of tea!

I have a four year old and if I had made that threat I would have followed through - I would have felt awful but I want my kids to understand that if I make a threat the consequences are real. I also think talking it over in the morning is a good idea - he's old enough to understand that you don't always get things right.

No its the one thing I'd not confiscate, especially not at bed time.

You giving the hedgehog back makes me think of Max's mum in Where the Wild Things Are, when he realises he wants to be somewhere where someone loves him best of all and he gets back to find his supper, still warm :'( (as an aside why is there no weepy emoji on mumsnet are we all too tough?)

That was really lovely of you and for me it would be enough reconciliation that he would wake up next to the real hedgehog and have a big hug with you in the morning. I also believe in admitting when you have made a mistake but I probably wouldn't to my (just) 4 yr old in this case as I think it would confuse him and I probably wouldn't want to revisit it. But then I come from a long line of poor communicators so maybe a 'i know hedgehog is important , I won't take him away from you again' will be better.

Once you've made a threat you simply can't go back on it or you're undermining yourself. I once made a very rash threat to a nephew who was staying for the weekend. He and his brother were staying over but the elder of the two (6 at the time) was really playing up and spoiling the nice weekend we had planned for everyone. So I told him 'once more and I'll take you home and your brother will stay here and have a nice time without you'. It was very similar to you OP, he looked at me and very deliberately repeated his actions - he was in effect calling my bluff.
I'd had enough, he was in the car in u dear a minute and taken home. He howled and apologised all the way, I wasn't angry but calmly took him back and left him. I didn't want to, in fact it was a royal PITA because it was a 2 hour round trip.
He has never ever put a foot out of line at my house since. He's now 12 and even when his behaviour has been going through a bit of an iffy phase at home / school, it totally vanishes when he comes to us for the weekend because he knows I won't tolerate any crap.... At all.

I would have kept hedgehog until morning , but made sure I though my threats through a bit more in future.

Aw you're so lovely. What a fab mum