Fuming about lack of honesty

[cafealoha]

So, it was move up today at school for my daughter in reception in a double intake school where they decided to mix the classes.

My daughter and another little girl are best friends and the friendship can sometimes be on the intense side. I fully acknowledge this and have tried to encourage my daughter to branch out. There is also a bit of a triangle with another little girl but fundamentally they all seem to like each other.

However today, I happened to walk through the class and overhear the mother of said little girl basically asking why the hell they hadn't been split up.

What I am annoyed about is the lack of honesty on the part of this other child's mother. If she felt there was a problem, I would have supported the children branching out with other friends and I would have tried to encourage this. I frequently speak to another mother about her daughter's involvement in the triangle and we are very relaxed about allowing them to try to sort it out between themselves.

I am really upset about the other mum's lack of honesty about this. She has never once mentioned that there is an issue and I feel that she has been very underhand never mentioning any of this to me. Now I am wondering if there is some sort of problem with my child and I am planning on going in to ask on Monday. I have already had a very open discussion with the teacher about this friendship and she acknowledged that it can sometimes be intense between my daughter and this child's daughter but she did not allude to this being any kind of problem.

I should say, my daughter and the other child in the triangle are second children and my daughter's best friend is a first child. I have definitely worried much less about my second.

Am I totally overreacting here and behaving like a child myself? Honest opinions would be welcome as I can take it!!

Thank you!!

OP, you're obviously a reasonable person because of your replies. You're not being defensive or throwing a strop, but sincerely looking for perspective. Maybe YABU in this particular situation but you don't deserve the super-harsh replies.

Try not to hold this against the other mum. She's just doing what she thinks is best for her child.

If you're friends all the more reason for the teacher to deal with it. Take it as a compliment. She values your friendship too much to fuck it up this way. One of my friend's DDs is not a good influence on mine. No way in hell I'm telling her the teacher and I have put strategies in place to distance them!

Perhaps she is happy for your children to be play friends and to continue being friends with you, but feels that in a classroom environment the girls are better off apart. Do they distract each other, get disruptive or prevent each other from achieving academically?
So she approached the school to sort out a school problem.

I can understand why you are upset.

I don't think she has done anything wrong, though

I agree with what ImaginaryCat says, and Hoppinggreen

As you say, OP, friendships between parents can be awkward - I think it is easier to be friends with parents of children who your child is not super-close to

OP you said some people don't deal well with difficult issues (I assume you meant her?) She can't know whether you are one of those people, so she's done the right thing

Sounds like splitting them up is for the best.
Friend was not dishonest it's just a blow for you to learn that she doesn't want her child to be in same class with your child. 💐

Tiggy, old thing, it is possible to tell someone a complete pack of BS without saying one word that's untrue - that's why the oath in court says "the whole truth".

I read this as OP feels that the other girl's Mum has deceived her by pretending that everything is fine, when it she appears to be upset that the school haven't separated them.

It does sound like an understandable approach, though - it's very easy to get defensive about our kids when we feel that they are being criticised, even if we were reaming them a new one for that very thing five minutes before,

Whoa. I can't believe some of the negative comments here. Have some sympathy. The OP overheard (so it wasn't said in private) a parent saying this in what comes across as an irate tone. The other parent should have arranged a private meeting with the teacher about this IMO. I've worked in schools with these friendships and I've never had a parent come in and say 'why the hell?'.

Op, the other mother really did do the right thing. It's very difficult to take criticism about your children well from another parent, and has been known to destroy the friendships of the parents.

Think about it THIS way - if she didn't care about you, she'd have been quite happy to have said something directly to you. But she didn't want to upset you or antagonise you and this was the best way to get the school to deal with it.

Are these five year olds?

If she'd have spoken to you, it would have this a much bigger issue than it is. She's voiced an opinion, to whoever she was with, that's her right to do so.

Now she's got her initial frustration out of the way, she can approach the person that she should be speaking to, the Teacher.

I don't know how old your First DD is, but you've got possibly much worse to come, as far as friendships go. Speaking as a Mum of three Adult DDs and three DSDDs.