Elopement and DFIL terminal illness

[Londonlassy]

DP and I have told everyone we would never have a wedding rather we would pop down to our registry office get married and tell everyone afterwards.

We have booked a tropical holiday for few months time and secretly organised a celebrant to marry us whilst away. We have organised and paid for everything

three weeks ago we found out DFIL has a terminal illness and it's not good at all. We went and visited in-laws and Because of DFIL's prognosis DP told them of the marriage plans. The in-laws said at the time said they were really happy for us.

However DMIL rang DP this week and said it would be good for DFIL to see his last child get married

I know my DFIL and I don't think he wants to attend another wedding he is not at all sentimental. Mother in law however would love to see us get married and I think she thinks a 'proper wedding' is the right thing to do now.

I find organising events and being the centre of attention awful. I have always wanted to get married but never a wedding. I am so shattered with everything

We are getting married abroad but did talk about doing it here.
Neither of us want a big expensive do or fuss .

When considering the here options about the only thing that appealed to me was a registry office in an old archbishops palace in Maidstone and then going out to a nice lunch after with absolute nearest family only.

It doesn't have to be fussy and you could still have your beach ceremony later on too.

I'd talk to FIL and see if he wants it .......although MIL may want it because it will be a last major family milestone event she can share with him and she really wants one more which would be very understandable.

However DMIL rang DP this week and said it would be good for DFIL to see his last child get married

I'd say don't change your plans, as FIL was never going to be at the wedding anyway.

It looks very much as if MIL is using FIL's illness to put pressure on you changing your plans.

There have been some nice suggestions, but don't feel as if you have to change anything.

DH and I were planning our wedding as a surprise on a cruise with my parents last year when DF was told he had lung cancer (was already frail and this was planned round what was likely to be his last holiday; he chose itinerary) so we decided to change our plans and bring the wedding forward by up to 4 months in the hope he'd still be well enough to attend and do father of the bride duties.

It wasn't what we really wanted but compromised so he could be part of it. In the event he died 3 weeks after my DH asked him for his blessing for us to marry and that we planned it for 5 months later while he was relatively well. In the end we did get married in September as planned but a registry office do and party at home for 100 people. The cruise, as DF decided and told us to, became our honeymoon and we took mum with us.

I would say keep to your original plans and, if YOU BOTH want to, have some sort of celebration at home afterwards - but don't just do it to keep others happy!!