Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother's advice. Sometimes, just, ssshh.

52 replies

Littlejenfer · 30/06/2016 20:45

16 weeks pregnant with pfb, and pfgc on both sides. I'm pretty chilled out about it all, and MIL is equally happy but excited.

Then... my own mother. Who can't help herself and send daily, if not hourly, advice on the baby. Buy Muslims. Stroke the bump. Don't bother doing X. Make sure you do Y. Have you done Z yet?

AIBU to just want all the 'helpful advice' to just stop. Or am I being a miserable grumpy cow and just let her carry on with it. 16 weeks down... 24 to go.

OP posts:
switswoo81 · 30/06/2016 21:52

It's an exciting time for your mum too but I know she's probably driving you a little mad. Mine adores my dd, loves babysitting and buys loads of clothes , I have fully embraced it now instead of fighting it. Humour her she might be the only other person ( except for baby's dad) that agrees your pfb is a walking talking genius!

Ps buy the ikea Muslins!

Haggisfish · 30/06/2016 21:52

Even better, save yourself shit loads of money by just buying a couple of metres of muslin from a material shop and chopping it up. Hem if you must.

BoatyMcBoat · 30/06/2016 21:53

I felt stupidly happy when I bought my first muslins Grin

They are useful for a large no. of things. I still have a few which I use for straining things in the kitchen and other such stuff. DD is 16 now; those muslins are older than her!

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2016 21:58

Muslins used to be what you lined terry cloth nappies with - before they invented smaller/disposable liners! Grin

I'm old enough to remember their original use and using them as liners myself so it's both funny and cheeringto see people finding alternative uses!

Nowadays they are all coloured etc. But back in my day they were plain white.

Anyway... Your mum is just excited. Let her be.

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 30/06/2016 22:04

I never bothered with muslins... I just had stacks of flannels! Grin

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 22:06

It's difficult
I think some grandparents treat grandkids like a sort of second go/chance at parenting, and it's not okay, or good for the child or the new parents.
Or she's just excited.
Only you OP can figure out which it really is

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 22:09

Muslins are the best tho

With number 2 I treated myself to the REALLY expensive larger multicoloured ones, the quality though, they've been through years of abuse and a squillion washes and still look good as new, never get scruffy like the cheaper loose weave muslins
www.johnlewis.com/faye-and-lou-muslin-squares-rainbow-pack-of-7/p231412326?sku=231412326&kpid=231412326&s_kenid=56ed6c01-56e1-5d88-9248-0000276b0313&s_kwcid=403x591955&tmad=c&tmcampid=73

Use them for everything: breastfeeding covers, play mats when sitting out on grass in the park, make shift bibs, even tea towels if I run out..

My mental image of having a new baby = snuggling on the sofa surrounded by muslins

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2016 22:11

I've never yet encountered a grandparent who regards grandchildren as a "second chance at parenting".

I am a grandparent and so are many of our friends - we see our grandchildren as grandchildren. Delighted to be involved with them and very glad to hand them back after a day out.

Who are these people you know Adulting who regard their grandchildren as "a second chance at parenting"?

Are they friends or relatives of yours?

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 22:14

Are they friends or relatives of yours?

Yes, and have literally said as much "Im going to be better at it this time round" "it's my chance to do X,Y,Z that I didn't do first time round" "I'm going to be a better grandmother than I was a mother"

From more than one person. Doesn't end well

But as I said, it's the OP who can tell if her mother is going down this tack or if she's just annoyingly over helpful/excited

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 22:16

One of the ladies on The Real Marigold Hotel said it too, she said that she was always at work when she had her kids and being a grandparent was her chance to do it better or something along those lines… for a celeb example

Pinkheart5915 · 30/06/2016 22:17

Mums, mother in laws they drive most of us mad in pregnancy but it is well meant and they are just as excited,

Redinthefacegirl · 30/06/2016 22:20

I'm pregnant with my mum's 8th gc (& she's got 2 ggc) and she's still intensely excited. My DS and her have a really special relationship that's lovely to watch. She said to me the other day that she's surprised just how much she's enjoying me having children.
It's hard always being given unsolicited advice, so grit your teeth. Enjoy your pfb.

Crunchymum · 30/06/2016 22:20

Muslins are great for older child vomit too.

stiffstink · 30/06/2016 22:21

I use muslins when I'm breastfeeding but not to cover up my boobs... I need them when I'm eating and feeding because I keep slopping my food on the baby. The muslin creates a sort of den/bib combo. Top tip from a classy lady.

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2016 22:22

Well, that's not something I've ever encountered Adulting and I can on,y guess you are referring to your mother or mother-in-law.

But its not difficult to stop that level of "involvement" in its tracks if its inappropriate. You just block attempts at over-involvement.

CakeNinja · 30/06/2016 22:24

Oh god, I remember my dad going into panic mode when I told him I was expecting dd1 at a very young age and finding out very late in the pregnancy.
He turned up with 4 huge packs of muslins, shuffled about uncomfortably and said, "the lady in the shop said babies need these." It was hilarious! I didn't use them, never really worked out what they were for and even now have some in the kitchen for straining stock so they've come in useful!

Op, it's well meaning. Tiring, but well meaning. Sometimes, being pregnant means people think they should tell you everything you 'need' to know. Just smile, thank for the advice, and carry on with what you're doing. Good luck!

mineofuselessinformation · 30/06/2016 22:26

As pp have advised, carry on with 'yes mum, no mum, three bags full mum' - and do it all your own way anyway.
She's excited, you're fed up (and pregnant so you're allowed to be). Just let it wash over you.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 30/06/2016 22:28

Wow Salmotrutta, for someone who has never encountered such behaviour, you seem pretty confident about how easily it's nipped in the bud Hmm so thanks for that!

zzzzz · 30/06/2016 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CakeNinja · 30/06/2016 22:36

Salmo, I can relate to that quote.
Both mil and my DM have said they have love for their gc that is quite different from their own DC.
My mil is simply amazingly hands on with all 7 of her gc because she has the time now she is retired. She takes them on days out, invites them round to bake cakes, have sleepovers and takes them on walks through the woods, things she rarely had time to do with her own DC due to work pressure. She openly says she loves being a grandparent as she feels she now has time to commit to them that she just didn't have when she was a working mother.
My mum, while she still works, has a lot more patience with my DC than she did with us! My brother and I comment on it a lot. My dc2 spilt a drink of bright purple ribena (we only ever had cheap crap squash!!) all over her NEW CARPET and instead of nearly murdering them and sending them to their room for the rest of the day, just chuckled and said "well that's kids for you!" - brother and I were agog! Cheeky cow!

AmyAmoeba · 30/06/2016 22:36

I have an overwhelming urge to go and buy muslins and my youngest is 5

pearlylum · 30/06/2016 22:39

Mothers can be annoying. My own mother loved the idea of being a mother again.

I had just given birth, OH and I went to pick up out two year old from my mother's where she had been watching him ( with her friend for company) for the day. My baby was 4 hours old. OH nipped to a local shop for a few essentials, my mother scooped up my newborn from my arms and said " lets sit outside, it;s a lovely sunny day".
On her way out she handed me some keys and said! could you get 4 garden chairs and the table from the shed and put them out so we can sit in he garden."
She was so overwhelmed at having a newborn in her arms , focussing on nothing else.
I ( who had just given birth 4 hours earlier and feeling bruised and sore) had to say " no Mum I can't get out the garden furniture, I have just given birth". She simply said "Oh I forgot".

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2016 22:39

Umm, well you just block it the way you block any unwanted interference in life surely whether it's work related or domestic?
By saying "Thank you for offering but I have other plans/I'd rather not/I'd prefer to do X,Y,Z"

All very civil but pointing out you'd rather do something different.

Salmotrutta · 30/06/2016 22:45

Ah well, my kids had very involved grandparents but they never took over and acted like parents.

They just enjoyed their grandchildren without overstepping the mark.

Jengnr · 30/06/2016 22:45

My first was properly attached to his muslins, wouldn't sleep without them, we had hundreds of them.

I've barely used them this time round.:)