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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu party no show

30 replies

Prettylittlepointeshoe · 30/06/2016 18:31

DS had 6th birthday party at climbing wall/adventure park. Invited 8 friends, had to pay upfront for all guests.

DS invited good friend from school who we've had round for playdates/tea. His mum accepted invite (after chasing!!) and texted a couple of times about it the week before party.

On the day friend doesn't show..... texted friends mum to see if they were on their way..... reply was that they weren't coming as the friend had gone out for the day with another friend!!!

Aibu to think this is really rude??? DS had wanted to invite another out of school friend but couldn't as we were already full on numbers.

Don't understand why the mum just didn't let me know they weren't coming??!!!!

OP posts:
IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 30/06/2016 18:33

That's bloody rude. I would be fuming. Surely she knew it was the sort of place you'd have to pay up front? Yanbu at all.

Wakemeuuuup · 30/06/2016 18:34

YANBU. I hate when people do this, so rude. I would make it very clear to her that she has cost you money or stopped another child being invited etc etc

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 30/06/2016 18:37

Well unless something drastic happened and she wasn't able to bring him or had no time to call. YNBU

MollyTwo · 30/06/2016 18:38

Yanbu how rude!! I wouldn't invite this child again. But you should text the mum and let her know how rude she was to accept an invite and then not pitch up and actually have the cheek to tell you her ds has gone off with someone else.

PolaroidsFromTheBeyond · 30/06/2016 18:39

YANBU. That's extremely ill mannered.

Johnny5isAlive · 30/06/2016 18:40

I'd respond with "what a shame as DS could've invited someone else as it was all pre-paid. Next time could you let us know on advance"

She's a twat to not offer any reasonable excuse

ThoraGruntwhistle · 30/06/2016 18:41

I would've replied 'right. Really wish you had told me before I had paid for your child. Have a nice day' or similar. Incredibly bloody rude of her. It's always been a bugbear of mine when people don't stick to plans they've made because a 'better' offer comes along.

TheWitTank · 30/06/2016 18:43

OoooAngry. I would be really pissed off, that's really rude. I would have to say something.

expatinscotland · 30/06/2016 18:45

This is a really valuable lesson for your son to learn: drop flakey 'friends'. I wouldn't bother replying. No more play dates or tea times.

Bottomchops · 30/06/2016 18:47

Invoice her. And never speak to her again. Her value system is all wrong.

Original poster
Prettylittlepointeshoe · 30/06/2016 18:47

I was tempted to invoice her for the activity!! [grin

The friend didn't even bring a card to school the next day for DS!!!

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 30/06/2016 18:48

YANBU, people just seem to accept invites as a back up plan these days until something better comes along. Totally rude and I would tell her that it was unfair of her to accept an invite when it was a 'paid' for event because its a waste and someoneelse could have gone.

EasternDailyStress · 30/06/2016 18:51

One of DS's friends has a mum like this. I ended up texting her to say how rude it was of her ( not turning up for a sleepover) and how upset DS was. She was very apologetic and has been much better since. I think you should tell her much the same, politely, and see what happens. I think they think the world revolves around them and don't consider anyone else's feelings unless it's pointed out.

kali110 · 30/06/2016 18:51

I'd have texted her something similar to what has been said.
That's really rude.
Her child would not get another invite from me.

expatinscotland · 30/06/2016 18:53

It's rude to flake out like that no matter what. Teaches your kid that you don't have to honour commitments, regardless of the other person's feelings; fuck 'em if you CBA, feel you get a better offer, etc.

Think I'd do my best to ignore they exist from now on.

hks · 30/06/2016 19:03

id have asked why she didnt let you know before the party so you could have invited another of his friends. Very rude and selfish of them both (mother & son )

Archedbrowse · 30/06/2016 19:03

YANBU. It's just rude, and shows they don't give a toss about you or your DC. Exact same thing happened to us with DD bday party; friend and DD no showed, we could have invited someone else but places were limited to a certain number 😡

More annoyingly she'd had her DD's christening a few weeks before, which was a huge deal and fussed about for weeks before. She would have hit the roof if anyone has no showed which I wish I had now Didn't get a thank you card for our christening gift either.

maxeffort0satisfaction · 30/06/2016 19:05

its very disrespectful. I would blank them out of my life after telling them. and I wouldn't invite people like that even if my kids loved their kids. sad but true.

while kids are small u need decent parents to arrange play dates. by decent I mean they say yes we can come or no we cant within 72hours of being asked if its more than 2 weeks or 24hours if its within the week or within 12 hours if its a few days later.

CatThiefKeith · 30/06/2016 19:06

Very rude but seems to be the norm. For dd's recent party We invited 40 (village hall) had 15 replies and 29 turned up. 1 of the no shows had confirmed.

Fortunately I had enough party bags, but it was touch and go!

justmyview · 30/06/2016 19:08

Very rude. I think a polite "that's too bad, we had to pay £10 for his place" would be in order

LemonScentedStickyBat · 30/06/2016 19:20

I had a similar situation with my dd's birthday recently - the mum did text me with 2 hours' notice claiming her child was ill, but I then found out they'd actually gone away for the weekend. I can see why family time sometimes trumps parties, but she would have known it was a fairly expensive activity and I would have appreciated more notice in order to invite another child.

Beeziekn33ze · 30/06/2016 19:24

I'd certainly let her know that her rudeness has cost you money, like Johnny5 and Justintime said above.

Beeziekn33ze · 30/06/2016 19:26

Hks - the son is only 6! Sins of the mothers??!!

Aeroflotgirl · 30/06/2016 20:00

That is awful, very rude and inconsiderate, not to mention you have to pay for the activity Angry.

whatamockerywemake · 30/06/2016 20:06

I'd be tempted to say to the child "we were sorry you couldn't come to the climbing wall" as likelihood is child didn't even realize or know.

I hope all the other children were there and your DS didn't have his day ruined. And no, I wouldn't rush to invite them again either.