"some people think I'm a tomboy, but I still had an epidural"

[Swings77]

What's that supposed to mean?

Is your HV concerned for a reason? You don't need to go to groups. But if you want to then there will be a better one out there for you.

More fabulous HV advice. She thinks you have PND because you don't want to spend time with people you have no connection with? Genius.

I dont understand what she meant either what a strange thing to say see if you can find another group

I'm not a tomboy but I didn't have an epidural. Well 'ard, me.

I'd look for another group if I were you op. They sound deeply uninteresting. This can't be the only one in your area, surely? There are loads around here and I'm right out in the sticks!

Oh wait i get it now people think she is hard but she still had an epidural still doesnt make sense though

I must be well ard to i didnt have an epidural either

Im proper 'ard me I just got to the hospital in time.

If the potential PTSD is birth related then groups like that are the fucking worst for it. She sounds a knob with a load of people hanging on every word. Don't bother. Find some like-minded Girly girls (??!!!??) and hang with them. Or just stay home and watch Homes under the Hammer, whatever works.

I'm a special snowflake but gave birth without pain relief. Do I get a medal?

Although I did scream the hospital down and left deep gouges all down the midwife's sides and back from leaping from the bed and bear hugging her every time a contraction hit, but I'll forget about that bit.

i went to lots of baby groups but preferred being around women my own age (30's) i just found it harder to connect with the younger mums.

It's a bizarre turn of phrase. What does being a tomboy have to do with having an epidural?

I'm not a tomboy but I didn't have an epidural. Mostly because labour progressed too quickly for that. It's not like they hand out awards for it.

Maybe other giggled due to peer pressure, eg wanting to fit in. Best thing to do at baby groups is smile and nod. My lo is very socialable when out then sleeps well afterwards, putting my feet up with a cuppa is reward for going to group. Realistically I prefer hanging out with pre baby friends....

Well, OP, I have a beard down to my knees and this morning I ate a bear for breakfast but I needed the full service c-section 😁

However, in her defense it's really quite hard not to say idiotic things at baby groups. It's like the first day at a really shite school but with weapons grade sleeplessness and anxiety. And do you know what, it's OK not to like it or to even go. You'll meet other mums at some point - I met one or two refuseniks sculking away from baby groups but didn't really get into it until the small people where at school and I met a brilliant bunch of parents.

I've said this before on here, probably more than once. My dad worked in HR for the NHS for many years, mostly dealing with complaints and tribunals, and he is of the absolute conviction that health visitors only exist to upset new mothers.

Ignore the HV, if you don't like the group don't go.

MsWorthington

My DD was a 'Teen Mum', we both went to baby groups, now I'm going to one a week, with my GD.

I hear the same shit from Older Mums and Nans, this isn't a 'young Mum' thing.

I hear more crap like this from Women, who aren't 'Girly', but should know better. You see it on here and even in the Feminist Board, as though how you look and what you choose to do, gives you a Stereotypical definition.

All the women at the baby group I went to looked down their noses at me because I had dreadlocks and was a bit hippie and they were 10 years older than me and much more 'with it'.

Within a couple of months of having 1st baby, I cut off all my dreads and started dressing 'sensibly'.

I was wrong about those mums - 8 years down the line, I count those mums as some of my best friends... we have attended each others weddings and been on holiday together, laughed, cried, drunk a LOT of wine and shared life. Our kids barely know each other but we are a strong, supportive bunch of friends, who are friends foremost and mothers second.

We now laugh at what we all thought of each other those first few sleepless, anxiety-ridden weeks we were getting to know one another at the baby group. I grew into myself as a Mum, gained confidence to be myself and not worry about what other people thought about me (re-dreaded my hair as soon as it was long enough again!)

Give the group and the girl who made that comment a chance - I know I've probably said much stupider things than that in my life. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Bit of a random comment..can't you bring a bit of light humour into it. Like I'm not surprised she had pain relief, giving birth through a penis must be really hard...( Tom Boy). Or I bet it was a C-section penisis aren't really designed for child birth.. Mabey not.. Cringe

Ach I'm glad the more recent comments are a little mellower. People chat shit, meh! But a support network is always important.

Your baby won't get anything out of the group - a group formed for new Mothers is that - for the mothers. If you aren't enjoying it, then find another.

This. I found it really useful to have people with similar aged babies to talk to and people to hang out with when I was on maternity leave. Out of a baby group of about 15, I have two (hopefully) long lasting friends and 13ish local acquaintances who I could chat to in the shops/library etc.