Dad's health - is mum BU?

[aggyannie]

My dad has a terminal illness and is waiting to hear if he has been accepted on to a transplant list. He blurted out to me that he has a year to live if he does not get accepted - my mum was really annoyed and told him that he shouldn't have told me without discussing with her first.

I have siblings that are unaware of this news and my mum has told me that if my dad was to be accepted they (mum and dad) would never have told us about his life expectancy.

I think she is being really unreasonable and that as his children we have the right to know all the facts and prepare ourselves. I don't think she is being fair on me either - I would be most angry if I found out my siblings knew something so important and they hadn't told me, it's a very awkward position to be in.

So, what do you think? Is my mum being U and also WWYD in my position?

[aginghippy]

It's the fact that my dad only has a year to live without the transplant. It's not fact that you know and your siblings don't. Maybe his doctors are making an educated guess based on their experience, but it's not a certainty. Nobody can predict the future, even doctors.

Sorry you are going through all this

[aggyannie]

Yes you're right aginghippy - not worded very well. They know about the illness, transplant etc but do not know that his life expectancy is potentially so short. Thank you for the kind words.

[Kwirrell]

My brother and I were not told how seriously ill my dad was. We were in our early 20s and both married and both had very young children.

There were so many things I would have wanted to say to him and do with him. He had been ill for over a year. The last time he was admitted to hospital, she told us not to come. He died without us seeing him.

I think that you need to talk about how important all this is for you and your siblings.

[aggyannie]

Kwirrel I'm sorry you had to go through that, so very sad.

My mum has realised how important it is to us and is going to sit down with us all.

[Kwirrell]

That is good to hear. In the long run, I think she will be glad to have people to share to share her worries and concerns. You will all be better placed to offer comfort and support when you can fully able to understand your dad's prognosis.

I am so sorry you are going through this.