Neighbors Domestic. When To Ring The Police?

[BibbidiBobbidi]

My next door neighbors are always arguing. At least twice a week it kicks off and one of them storms out.
We have a joining house and I hear everything. They often row in the street too.

Anyway, today was the worst I've ever seen/heard it. They were effing and jeffing at each other and the woman stormed out of the house and put the baby in the car. The baby is 3months old, same as mine.
The bloke then followed her out and was demanding that she gives him the car. She tried to stop him from leaving and then he punched her in the face
She seemed alright and was still trying to grab him and stop him leaving and they both went back inside.
I didn't see them take the baby back in but I'm sure she wouldn't have left him behind.
This was almost an hour ago and they're still rowing and coming in and out of the house.

I haven't gone out and I'm not getting involved because I'm home alone with my baby and I'm not putting myself at risk but it got me thinking, at which point should I call the police?

I don't want to and I won't unless I absolutely have to because, as I said, it happens all of the time and I've still got to live next door to them after all of this has blown over.

AIBU not to intervene and ring someone?

Jesus Christ op. I know you're worried about any backlash, but please think of this poor woman and baby, is there no way to see if the child's still in the car?!

Lots of people have lived with violence and may not realise they need to report it if they witness it.

The car has gone

Ah, see the cars gone now. Have the police been? If you'd phone an hour ago when it happened, they would have been there to talk to

The bastard punched her in the face. Please don't wait until the next time, and There will be a next time. I promise you that, and Next time she may not be lucky.
Report the cunt today. Hopefully he'll be locked up amongst the hardened criminals. See how brave he is then.
Also I promise you. No one is okay after being punched in the face.
Of course you Don't want to get involved. I wouldn't either. You're not going to put yourself and own baby at risk for someone else's family. No one would suggest you go out there and start arguing with him. I mean if he can punch the mother of his child. What would he do to some random women next door.
I tell you what I bet his mother's proud.
However you can report anonymously, I'm sure. Otherwise no one would report due to fear of repercussions.

Most abusive men are convinced their partners are sleeping around because they see women as property rather than people.

Anyway even if she is sleeping with every man in England it doesn't mean she deserves to be hit.

I am glad you reported it.

What you've witnessed is a physical assault. Call the Police every time it kicks off. Can you befriend this poor woman? Ask her about baby groups or something or offer to go to one with her.

It's pretty galling that nobody rang the fecking second it happened.

Police have arrived and she is in. I heard the baby crying, the baby isn't his so he doesn't take care of it.

She's let the police in so hopefully she will be able to talk to them without him being there and get some help.

In hindsight I should have rang earlier. I was too frightened to get involved because of my own and my babies safety.

If he comes back again and it happens again then I shall ring sooner.

Quiz I talk to her when I see her and say hello and things, I'll try and get to know her a bit better and see where it leads.

I really don't want to get involved with their business though, my OH works shifts and often works nights. If this guy knows that I've said something then what would stop him coming round mine when OH isn't here?
That's my worry

That all sounds really scary, glad the police have come out. You did the right thing OP. I hope it won't have any repercussions on you.

It's scary to witness something like that op and sometimes we don't always respond as efficiently or quickly as the Mumsnet herd demands thinks we should. You've resolved to call quickly next time, which I think is a good thing.

I think your (female) neighbour is lucky to have someone around who's thinking of her well-being and that of her baby; her partner clearly isn't.

Thank you dolka, me too.

If the baby is only 3 months old and isn't his. She can't have been with him long.

the baby isn't his so he doesn't take care of it

This is normal in which alternative universe?

OP, I'm glad you called the police, and I appreciate you are afraid on your own behalf, but if you anticipate your neighbour is actually going to try to kick your door in, all the more reason to involve the police, as a named witness.

No, you're right to not want to get too involved, but if she's new to the area, and having a young baby, and a bastard bf, she could do with a friend.

I hope she tells the police everything.

Thank you badtardgoddarkly

lighthouse I think he is her middle child's father. He spends a lot of time with him and will take him out places but not the other two kids. I don't know much about them, this is just going off what I've heard and seen

He doesn't care for the baby as its not his.
Why do men often do this. I mean is it some kick to their ego, and male pride
Something along the lines of. "You're not mine so therefore not my proof that my cock and balls are in working order."

Exactly. I don't understand it either it's all very bizarre to me!!

I agree that ringing the police should be seen as the best course of action.

But in a society where domestic violence is rarely punished effectively and where the abuser might get a couple of months in jail and then be free to pursue the person he deems responsible for putting him there I don't think people should be blamed for not wanting to put themselves and their families at risk by getting involved.

Given he punched her in the street anyone could have witnessed the incident and reported it, but if the incident had happened inside then it would be easy to work out who was responsible for calling the police. And the reality is that not all women want to be saved initially. Many women refuse to press charges even when the man has beaten them half to death.

I watched a BBC programme recently following Berkshire's DV unit for a year and one of the victims was even talking about how maybe they could work things out as he was being sentenced to some pathetic term for almost killing her. .

The attitudes and penalties for DV need to change dramatically before people will willingly become involved.

Witnessing any form of violent behaviour is cause to ring 999 immediately.

As you chose to be anonymous when you reported the incident you have the option to deny making the call should one or other of this pair attempt to berate you for doing so but, should either of them approach you, I would suggest don't deny making the call and say that you've been instructed by the police to call each and every time you witness a similar incident or hear voices raised in argument coming from their property.

As it can be far too easy to get sucked into the 'domestics' of others, I would suggest you refrain from actively seeking to engage with this woman and simply treat her in a neighbourly fashion which may, or may, not lead to friendship in time.

And the reality is that not all women want to be saved initially.

The very sad reality is that some women don't want to be saved at all. From OP's description of events the woman was trying to trying to pull him back into the house (to prevent him leaving) after he punched her. It is the children in these horrendous situations that I feel most sorry for. Hopefully the police will have notified SS.

That's exactly what happened.

She put the baby in the car, he was walking down the garden path and she was blocking his way so he couldn't get past her. She was grabbing him and pulling at his clothes and that's when he hit her. But after that she still carried on and eventually managed to get him back inside where they continued to argue. I didn't see them come back in because they were near my window and I didn't want them to see me watching!