DM has confused and worried me about DC

[oohlalala]

I don't know what to do or how to react. DM who looks after DC once a week, announced earlier that she caught her playing with her bits in the bath. Told her off, but said its not first time its happened & that 4yo children don't do this and I should be concerned this is a learnt behaviour and that I ought to keep an eye on her. DM has a long career of working with children, so I do usually take her advice, but what, oh what do I do with this? Do 4yo normally do this or not??? Help

given the number of four to five year olds I have had to remind to take their hands out of their pants in school, then not that unusual.

lggii couldn't agree more.

Dd (4) has her hands in her pants all the time at home, I hope not at school. We have discussed those bits are private and fiddling whilst eating your tea is bad manners. I ask her why she does it and she just says it feels nice. I've told her its best to do it when people aren't watching and then we move into another subject.

Completely normal.

How awful that your Mum feels she should tell her off! Poor child.

It's normal for children to explore their body and they shouldn't be shamed or told off for it, just told it's a private activity. Reminds me of that House episode where the mother thought her toddler had epilepsy because she was making strange movements in her car seat. The mother was all prepared for a diagnosis and had looked up support resources etc. She was shocked to be told that her daughter wasn't having seizures but moving in that way to stimulate herself! The mother almost seemed like she would have been able to deal with a diagnosis better because it would have been more socially acceptable and House had to have a word with her about being thankful her daughter was healthy! On a serious note though, make sure your mother's old fashioned attitude doesn't make your DD think her body is something to be ashamed of or she's done something bad.

My twins bath together and at 4 years old we've had to introduce a rule "no poking your sister's foofoo!" It's not sexual at this age.

Of course children do this.
My friend's dd masturbated from infancy.
It's always been a battle to keep my ds (now 6) off his! I've told him it's fine to touch himself but only in private.
It's only learnt behaviour inasmuch as child feels sensation, child likes sensation, child learns to create sensation.
I agree with pps that your dm was completely misguided in telling off your dd.
I hope you will explain to her that sexual shaming may lead to unhealthy attitudes and dysfunctional behaviours and is not acceptable.

Completely normal - I'll go further and say it is absolutely your dd's right to enjoy her own body (allowing for appropriate respect for privacy etc). I'm sorry, as I'm sure it may be an awkward conversation, but I would be telling DM very firmly to back off. We shouldn't make our children be ashamed of themselves and their bodies.

Oh gawd, m0therofdragons, you have just reminded me: we used to bath 4 DSs together, sometimes even with DH in the bath as well (yes, a large tub!) and we had to institute a strict rule about being allowed to play with your own willie, but leave everybody else's alone…

Don't panic, kids always have explored their bodies....and they always will!

Does your Mum still work with young children or is she retired ?
It's a very odd attitude for anyone working with children

Perfectly normal. It feels nice. She shouldn't be told off, she should be taught about privacy.

This is sexism from your Mum, I bet she wouldn't suggest it was 'learned behaviour' in a boy.

Omg. She is talking crap. It is normal. Just tell your child to do it in private! Sad that your mum said this making you feel bad and telling your child off.

Don't worry

What bollocks. All children do it. I'd just tell dd that it's private and she should stick to when she's alone. Otherwise, not a problem.

I'm concerned what is being implied with her 'learned behaviour' bollocks

Adding to the chorus of "totally normal" - we had to dissuade DD from doing her "exercises" every night as she could be a little too, erm, enthusiastic and ended up a bit sore.

Another normal vote. ! Both Dd were enthusiastic, Dd1 from infancy. I have done it for as long as I remember and I have very early memories.

Totally normal but its a good age to introduce the no pants rule to your child.