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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I was not wrong in saying I would go to the police

68 replies

MsJamieFraser · 27/06/2016 22:15

Ds is 6 and hes been playing outside recently,with his older brother (cul-de-sac) there has been a few spats recently where 4 12 year old children have been hitting him, and him hitting them, today however he was left with hand prints across his face, and body, he was screaming.

I went to the parents houses and said that although I understand ds is no angel and he can take games too far, and he has at times hurt people, not deliberately I may add, and he himself has been hurt etc... playing rugby tag, etc.. but that I cannot allow 12 year olds to hit ds, leaving marks across his face and body an showed them the photographs that I had taken.

3 parents apologised and I asked them to tell their children to come and tell me, I also apologised for ds's behaviour towards there children.

I went to the 4th parent, who basically just told me that if ds hits his child then my ds is going to get hit back, I told him No he needs to get his child to tell me and I would punish ds, he said tuff and ds will get walloped if he hits his child, I then said well no he wont and if your child assaults my child again, I would have no option but to call the police.

With this he mumbled something and slammed the door.

Im not here to discuss why we have let our child out to play, we all parent differently and I have made the decision now that ds will now not be playing out until he matures, its defo been a lesson learnt.

However WIBU to say I would go to the police if the hitting continued?

I would be very unhappy if a 16 year old hit my 10 year old, so I dont see why it should not be the other way round.

OP posts:

Dontyoulovecalpol · 27/06/2016 22:55

Well.,.. The police thing is just pointless. They aren't going to do anything and the parent probably thought you were mad to suggest it. So yabu

NoFuchsGiven · 27/06/2016 22:55

Where is his elder brother in all this? I know NO 12 year old son calling for 6 year old son btw, I do however know 12 year old son who would be pretty passed off with a 6 year old trying to 'play' with them

BackforGood · 27/06/2016 22:56

but they are in very different places with their maturity. there's a HUGE difference between 6 yr olds and 12 yr olds.

NoFuchsGiven · 27/06/2016 22:57

No idea why there is 2 random sons in my post!

Costacoffeeplease · 27/06/2016 22:57

It doesn't matter that they've known each other for years - they're at completely different stages of development - apart from the hitting there's the possibility of the older boys finding it funny to goad or dare the younger ones to do things that would get them into trouble, while keeping their own hands clean. Really bad move

OliviaShoo · 27/06/2016 22:59

Just simply stop your son 'playing out' with these children.

Next time they call for him, say 'sorry, X can't some and play today because he keeps getting hurt'
Explain to your son that they aren't 'friends' if he's getting repeatedly hurt by them. Sounds like they could be using him for their own amusement.

Hereforthebeer · 27/06/2016 23:00

YABU. You are basically asking the 12 year olds to look after him to reprimand him and to come to you, its really not up to them to deal with your son, especially if he is being agressive..

You are asking for them to be playground supervisors... except its not a playground - its a street - no adult supervision

Original poster

MsJamieFraser · 27/06/2016 23:01

His older brother was there, he plays games with these children also, they all went to the same school, they just pushed ds1 out the way, when dh went out all the kids ran away, ds1 ran into dh at the door.

AS I said ds wont be playing out, we just naively assumed it was teething issues to begin with as some of these kids have been playing with ds's for months/years. we don't excuse ds behaviour, and if he hurts someone we explain that he cannot be doing that and that he needs to learn how to play, but then I did not think kids of this age would be leaving hand prints on my child.

OP posts:

NoFuchsGiven · 27/06/2016 23:02

Tbh I don't think my 10 year old would want to play with a 6 year old, he certainly wouldn't be calling on someone that age. I think that every time the 12 year olds are out playing football or whatever that your ds is given free reign by his Mum to go and annoy them. I have seen this so many times when I was growing up.

Original poster

MsJamieFraser · 27/06/2016 23:02

I agree, hence why ds wont be playing out anymore.

OP posts:

Witchend · 27/06/2016 23:06

12yo boys playing teachers? Really? I can't see my 9yo and friends playing that sort of game.

PlaymobilPirate · 27/06/2016 23:10

The police? Are you mad? Sounds like your kid is starting it tbh - wrong if the bigger kids to retaliate but if he's winding them up then they'll react.

YouMakeMyDreams · 27/06/2016 23:13

I live in an area where everyone knows everyone else and it's not uncommon for 11 and 12 year olds. Dd is 13 in October and had a sleepover with her 10 year old friend the other day so in an area like that I don't see it as odd. It's also not odd to me to let my 6 year old out to play. It's unlikely through police would be bothered about that
But as an owner er of a 12 and 6 year old I do think you may have over reacted a bit. 12 year olds do seem much bigger and more grown up than 6 year olds and in many ways they are but ultimately they are still impulsive children. They aren't quite grown up enough to stop themselves especially when the game is getting out of hand on both sides. It probably doesn't even register at times that your ds is so much younger because he is just someone they play with rather than thinking ooh he's a little boy. He's been around as long as they can remember so it just doesn't occur to them they might need to tone it down a bit for him. It'd be a shame to keep him in but I would be keeping a closer eye on it for a while and becoming a bit stuck record about expected behaviour when he heads out the door.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 27/06/2016 23:13

When I was little there were a group of us between 5-11 playing out (starting ages). We didn't hurt each other. Yes the older kids were wrong but your six year old shouldn't be hitting either. You allow him to play unsupervised. Involving the police because you didn't get the apology you wanted is ridiculous.

YeOldMa · 27/06/2016 23:18

It sounds to me like they are getting some sort of enjoyment out of bossing your ds around and hurting him. It is very unusual for 12 year olds to want a 6 year old around no matter how long they've known each other. Unfortunately, 12 year olds can have a lot of testosterone beginning to surge and a lack of empathy so this could lead to some nasty incidents if you don't nip it in the bud.

SoupDragon · 27/06/2016 23:20

How old is your eldest?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/06/2016 23:22

Ever sympathetic Mumsnet at its best, I see. .
You would be within your rights to call the police if they were to continue to use violence against your son. It's assault. He's a 6 year old baby FFS. They're 12. Old enough for criminal prosecution.
I'm not talking so much about the parents who worked with you, but the 4th parent who seemingly refused work you , so Im afraid parents like that just have to learn the hard way.

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 27/06/2016 23:26

12 year olds can also get carried away with a game. If they're calling for a 6 year old they sound like young 12 year olds tbh, they may forget that he's so much younger than them, especially if he's hitting them hard.

I think you're right to keep him from playing out until he's grown up a bit. Not judging that you allowed it before, but in the circumstances, probably best avoid it for a while for everyone's sake.

Police probably an OTT reaction as it sounds like all the children were playing a game and got carried away. It doesn't sound like a gang of 12 year olds maliciously hurting a 6 year old

SoupDragon · 27/06/2016 23:28

Ever sympathetic Mumsnet at its best

It's called having a different opinion. Wacky I know.

3BusyBabies · 27/06/2016 23:29

6 years of age??!!! Playing out on his own and getting in to fights with older kids - I bet he's popular at school
More than likely got lots of boundary issues from obviously being allowed to do as he pleases!!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/06/2016 23:32

He's not a baby, he's a 6 year old and one whose parent has decided it's acceptable to leave him under the supervision of a 12yo who clearly is not equipped to deal with it.

You are wrong for allowing this to happen and putting both boys in that position.

Equally as such it is not ok for 12yo's to be behaving like that. Surely if you know these families as well as you say you do then you know that this is the lesson they are learning from their parents. That is something you need to factor into your risk assessments

PPie10 · 27/06/2016 23:34

He's a 6 year old baby FFS.

Baby really? Then what's a baby doing out playing with 12 yo?

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 27/06/2016 23:39

Ds wont be going out again.

This is daft. Playing out is great for kids but 6 is really too young to not be supervised. His brother should not be expected to be in charge of him and you shouldn't be expecting the police to sort out children's fights.

You need to be able to see what he's up to, not just be in earshot. Take a blanket, book, refreshments whatever, blend into the background and relax, but keep an eye on him.

If he's hitting other children you have to find a way to stop that or before long he'll be the 12 y/o thumping smaller kids.

TwoLittleBlooms · 28/06/2016 00:46

I agree with Iliveinalighthouse on this one. I find that quite troubling that these boys are hurting your little one - they are old enough to be prosecuted and I do actually think the police might step in with cautionary words to the boys if the parents are not stopping their children physically hurting your son. And as for some of the comments on this thread - really? How hard must they have hit the OP's son to leave hand marks on his body and face?!?! That is NOT OK under any circumstances. When these boys grow up to be 'men' they will have been taught that it is OK to physically hit out at those who are weaker and more vulnerable, what about teaching them to walk away if they feel wound up - that would be a good life lesson for them to learn. At what age to people think is a suitable age to take responsibility for their actions? Because I would say now would be a good time for them to start learning that fact. I think OP if they physically hurt your son again then you need call the police - it is assault.

On a side note I wouldn't be letting a six year old out unsupervised, he is very young. You also need to be teaching him that it isn't OK to hit. That needs nipping in the bud now before it goes any further.

user1465823522 · 28/06/2016 01:36

honestly, yeah i think you are being unreasonable.

kids are kids and generally sort their own issues out - remember being a kid yourself? how would you have felt if your mum had stepped in?

and as for threatening the police because you didn't get the grovelling response you wanted......

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