A really churlish trivial one be warned...

[Millionprammiles]

I've always bought my 3 nephews birthday and Xmas presents. Happy to do so, no resentment.

Now I have a child of my own, I've noticed by brother neither offers nor sends anything more than a card (and sometimes not even that) for dd.
I never ask for anything for her and am not remotely bothered as dd has more than enough presents.
But
I understood this to mean I didn't need to send anything more than a card either anymore. I thought it was his way of saying 'the kids have enough, lets not do presents'.
But instead he sends me links for what gifts to buy them for b'days and Xmas.

I'm not sure how to respond but am starting to feel like a bit of a mug. Am I missing something??

Unbelievable! Very grabby. I don't think could stand for such double standards. Too busy at Christmas to buy a present? It's always the same date
I would definitely DEFINITELY do the "I thought we were just doing cards" suggestion that others mentioned and if make sure you SIL was aware too. An idea for a present you could go with although potentially pricey is suggesting a day out with your family so they have time with their cousin(s). Also like the bank account in their name idea. Good luck

When he sends you links to gifts, you send back '??? I don't understand why you've sent me this. Was it meant for someone else?'

Dd is 4 so quite a bit younger than my nephews (10-15). On one hand I'm grateful for the links as it's hard to know what obscure brand of clothing etc they like.
Xmas is vouchers as they're 200 miles away.

I really don't want to ask for presents for dd. She doesn't notice yet but maybe when she's older it will matter more. SiL rightly leaves it to my brother (she has nephews on her own side of the family to sort out), I don't see it as her responsibility at all.

I suspect I'll just suck it up as the inevitable argument would bother me more and I don't want my sil to be dragged into it. Kind of glad they live so far away sometimes!

I had similar with my sister last class, her dd is now 22 and since I was a teen (14) I have always brought her dd a present for birthday/Xmas for £25 and once she hit 18 I just got her a nice token gift like a lipgloss or a £10 voucher

I now have 4 children and in the lead up to last xmas she asked if we should not buy of the kids and just for each other and I responded that she should just get something small for the girls.

To be honest I was a little put out, for the first 18 years of her dd life I always brought a present, saved up my money from my Saturday job to do it and it was like now hers is all grown up she doesn't want to bother with mine (ages 1,8,11,12)

While I don't expect her to buy a £25 present per child as I have 4 a small token gift would be nice, lots to by girls for £5

I would speak to tie brother and ask if your doing gifts or not, I'm expecting to have the same convo with my subs this year

First of all. Cheeky fucker. My family despite having more kids than me and jobs that pay 3x's more than I make. Only get my Ds a card if I'm lucky. So last year I donated a goat to Africa in their name. Let someone else benefit. So one who deserves it. Good luck

I would continue to buy for your nephews as it's not their fault their dad is tight as a ducks arse! If you usually get him presents I would start forgetting though and spend the money you save on something for your dd!

Why is sil not supporting you? Sorry, but if she's not ensuring he buys your DD a present, she's just as bad allowing him to send fucking links! Tell him you've decided to stop buying presents as he clearly doesn't believe in it!

I would send links with a banter type comment which expects gifts back, smiley face lol etc. but clear that you won't be buying unless he is buying back. Sometimes people just need to be called out, they don't always realise what they are doing.

Had to update on this as had a message from my other brother (who I didn't realise had been sent the same links) saying not to get a present for his son and just a card would be fine. At least we're in the same camp which makes me feel better.

"Hi DB, Thanks for the links for presents for DNs. Makes it so much easier I think though I know some people like to pick their own gifts. Would you like me to send you some links for DDs birthday and Christmas or would you prefer to pick a gift yourself? Just let me know. Love DSis"