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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pull someone up for their offensive FB "jokes"?

53 replies

sailawaywithme · 27/06/2016 03:03

Many of you will have read about the horror of the 2 year old who was dragged into a lagoon and drowned by an alligator in Florida. His parents witnessed the whole thing and Dad tried to grab the child from the alligator's mouth, unsuccessfully.

The thought of it makes me feel sick. I have a 2 year old son. We also have friends who lost their 2 year old son in an accident a few months ago. I've seen firsthand the utter devastation that his death has left behind. His mother can barely function.

A FB friend today posted a "meme" with a photo of a young child covered in a beach towel with an alligator graphic on it. The design is such that the child looks as though it's in the jaws of an alligator. The tag line? "Disney's new range of beach wear."

I'm just sickened that anyone can see comic value in the violent death of a toddler. IMO there's something wrong with you if you are amused by that. It's not witty or pithy it's simply cruel and grotesque.

I posted a response that said essentially, "Not funny. At all." The predictable response was that I needed to "lighten up" and that "I didn't need to look at it" which was something of a red rag to me. I told her that I wished I'd had a moron filter on my FB page so that I hadn't seen it." (Not my finest moment - I'm usually pretty quick witted - but I was still dumbfounded that she thought that was amusing in any way.)

The woman in question is my husband's (equal) business partner's wife, and part time employee. My husband has just told me this puts him in an awkward position and why couldn't I have just ignored it?

I'm pissed off beyond belief, moreso with my husband than anything else. This "don't make waves, don't ruffle feathers" attitude. The older I get, the less time I have for "keeping the peace". People need to be told when they're spouting BS. Particularly BS about a child's death.

I'm so disappointed that my husband thinks that I should just have ignored something like this. And I can't believe anyone could make fun of a child's death.

OP posts:

NotBanksy · 27/06/2016 09:11

I'm calling the OP on the use of the word "moron" as it's widely considered ablist in the UK).

Is it?

I had no idea until I joined mumsnet.

pictish · 27/06/2016 09:17

It's really only considered ablist on MN in my experience. MN has its own specific set of social rules...some of which do apply in wider society on the whole, while others are particular to the microcosm of MN...like offence taken over the use of moron.

Mcchickenbb41 · 27/06/2016 09:19

Yanbu. This was not someone's point of view that you disrespected this was a joke made out off something horrific that happened. You have also seen first hand what loosing a child can do to a family. I also have a two year old. The thought off loosing a child of any age is too much to bear as I'm sure it would be to any posters on here. I would also argue that she made the waves by sharing this material. I hate FB. Came off it three years ago after someone posted a video that started to play automatically on my news feed off a man having a heart attack and dying. It had been posted as a dig at ' fat people' it was a very detailed video. Didn't watch it all as I had just lost my dad very suddenly due to a heart attack. That's when FB stops being fun.

NeedACleverNN · 27/06/2016 09:34

A friend of mine posted that I never even clicked what it was.

Wasn't until later when she posted another post defending her right to say what she wanted that, I went back and saw what she put.

And I still ignored it. It wasn't worth the hassle.

t1mum · 27/06/2016 09:40

"It's really only considered ablist on MN in my experience. MN has its own specific set of social rules...some of which do apply in wider society on the whole, while others are particular to the microcosm of MN...like offence taken over the use of moron."

I think it is generally considered an ablist term in the UK, although in the US it's considered fine. I thought this before I started using mumsnet, but then I've worked in environments that have clear guidelines about acceptable use of language, so maybe my perspective is different. Happy to be corrected on this.

My DM yesterday referred to someone as "a negro". Apparently in her part of the world it's accepted use for someone who is Black British. I'm not sure that just because your private circle thinks a word is ok, that means it's ok.

Chinks123 · 27/06/2016 10:11

I understand why you spoke up OP. I have seen some appaling things on fb but just unfriend or scroll past, I would comment but I just don't have it in me to argue on the Internet with people who are quite frankly idiots.

In rl life though I will say when someone is being disgusting. I had a few friends who would make horrid sickening baby jokes, I won't go into more detail. I told them what I thought and was told I needed to get a sense of humour I laugh at many things, some inappropriate but jokes about children just cross so many lines imo and I just stopped speaking to them in the end.
(I also didn't know that moron meant that either I'll have to remember that)

pictish · 27/06/2016 10:40

Fair dos. It's not a word I hear used often or remarked upon when it is. I think it's a term that has fallen out of fashion as well as being considered offensive on here.
There should be a list people can access that details where we are on the language front just so we can avoid innocently making a clanger.

sharknad0 · 27/06/2016 10:43

if you are defending the right to free speech then surely there is a right to put the alternative view across?

totally, and "I don't find it funny but bad taste" is enough.

When you start insulting the other side, it means you have lost the argument. If my hubby were to disagree with my work colleague on facebook, it would be totally fine. If he was then insulting them, I would be less than impressed! Bad enough with my boss (or his family) but totally unacceptable with an employee.

CocktailQueen · 27/06/2016 10:45

The other woman should not have posted the meme, and doing so makes her look unprofessional.

If you post questionable things on FB, you run the risk of being called out on it.

Perhaps you reacted too quickly and posted without thinking but I'd have done the same. Very poor taste, and I wouldn't look at her the same way now.

Shouldn't affect your h's work, I don't think. Was the woman at work when she posted it? If so, perhaps ask her not to use the internet at work?

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/06/2016 11:00

Your husband is NOT in an awkward position. All he needs to do is point out the 'joke' was about the death of a two year old, his child is two years old, and his friends lost their 2 year old very recently.

I'd bet good money his business partner/friend of 30 years has also told his wife she's put him in an awkward position.

UmbongoUnchained · 27/06/2016 11:02

I would've found it upsetting but would never dream of saying anything on the post. It's her Facebook she can post what she likes. You're not the Facebook police and you can't censor other people's sense of humour.

NarkyKnockers · 27/06/2016 12:18

I would've just hidden her posts so I didn't have to see any more of her 'jokes'.

t1mum · 27/06/2016 12:21

*shark: totally, and "I don't find it funny but bad taste" is enough.

When you start insulting the other side, it means you have lost the argument*

Yup totally agree.

pictish: There should be a list people can access that details where we are on the language front just so we can avoid innocently making a clanger.

I'm totally with you on that as well. Where I used to work we had one, and it was genuinely really useful.

NeedACleverNN · 27/06/2016 12:30

Done the list!
Come write your words and explainations if needed

t1mum · 27/06/2016 12:36

Excellent work - can we see your list?

NeedACleverNN · 27/06/2016 12:37

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2671858-To-start-a-list-outlining-what-words-are-inappropriate

Come add what you don't like and explain why if it isn't an obvious reason

Original poster

sailawaywithme · 27/06/2016 13:15

Thank you so much for your responses - I wasn't expecting so many.

To address the word moron first - I had no idea it was considered "ablist". I am in the US, and I agree with another poster that over here it is considered "fine" (as much as an insult can be, of course!) I don't regret using the word, in all honesty.

I don't think my husband will be in an awkward position at work and I think his partner will probably have expressed similar sentiments to his wife. However - I also feel that if he does feel awkward at work, that's ok. Sometimes standing up for what's right means that you feel awkward around people who think something is ok - or more likely, people who feel the same way as you but can't be arsed to take a stand. I can't help but feel that by just "scrolling past" offensive garbage on FB, we are implicitly giving the ok to nonsense.

If people post uninformed, unfunny crap on FB they can go right ahead. If someone posts a joke about dead toddlers - no, that's when I'm going to pull them up on it. Awkwardness or not.

Thanks again, I really appreciate the perspectives.

OP posts:

coconutpie · 27/06/2016 13:48

I would unfriend. That person is making fun of a child getting brutally savaged to death. Anybody who makes fun of such a horrific tragedy is a disgusting, fucked up individual and I would not want to be in any way acquainted with them.

expatinscotland · 27/06/2016 14:04

I think you were BU. Unfriend, block, unfollow, but I guess it made you feel better and a better person for scolding. Some people get off on that.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/06/2016 14:40

just unfollow her, facebook fights never end well. Not worth it

but now you know, she is a fool

user1465823522 · 27/06/2016 14:56

i have a couple of point on this

- if you don't like it don't look or report it

- the parents ignored the signs about swimming and ANYONE who has been to Florida is well versed in the danger regarding water.

Personally i think if you find someone offensive then block them - it's not really worth a whole internet angst post

Glovebug · 30/06/2016 02:09

The picture was offensive but you probably could have handled it a bit better and I expect she was offended by being called a Moron. I get that we all say things we shouldn't in the heat of the moment though. Maybe you could apologise for the Moron bit but explain to her how inappropriate and upsetting you found it due to the recent tragedies. She might respond better to that and understand why it's not a funny joke and insensitive

OldManJenkins · 30/06/2016 02:30

disgusting joke and you werent wrong to pull her up but not right either due to it making your partner situation akward but either way dont feel bad because they is just cringy and not funny at all.
People really feel the need to make jokes out of others misery, its a sad world we live in

fastdaytears · 30/06/2016 02:46

It wasn't a great joke but I would have just hidden the post.

Using the word "moron" would be much, much more offensive in some people's eyes.

A lot of people have sympathy with the parents of that little boy but think that they have some responsibility. Also a lot of people just like tasteless jokes. IMO it wasn't something to take a stand over.

Asprilla11 · 30/06/2016 03:06

OP - You made the right and morale decision, I applaud you.

As for the stupid woman who put it on FB, ask her if someone made a meme regarding the death of James Bulger would she find that 'funny'?

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