To want to challenge my mil on differential treatment of her grandchildren?

[Iwishiwasatomato]

Ok - new on here so please bear with me!
just need a reality check on something that has really hurt me but I need some advice on whether I am blowing this out of proportion.....
My lovely hubby has one elder brother. We have a DS 21 and DD 18. My DN turned 18 last week and also have a DN 16.
I am fairly close to MIL - had ups and downs over the years but since FIL died two years ago lovely hubby and I have helped an awful lot.
For my DS 18th he was given £50, My DD was given a pair of gold sleepers (used) as they had 'sentimental value'......
A few weeks ago, my MIL was chatting about DN's upcoming birthday. She initiated the conversation and told me that she would be giving him £50 as she 'wanted all her grandchildren to be treated the same'.
Have just got back from DN's party (which was lovely) but my nephew told me that grandma had given him £100.
I am really upset. Please don't get me wrong, it is NOT the money - it is the fact she blatantly lied to me that I am most upset about.
Question us - do I call her on it? Part of me wants to ask in a reasonable way why she felt the need to lie - the other part thinks just let it go.
Hubby is leaving it to me.
Help.

No you say nothing

It was a gift

It is a bit shit but she may of done other things for your DC so it all works out evenly. Or she feels your DC are more privileged in other ways perhaps? Or your DN could of been winding you up? Or she could of done it maliciously for some reason.
Whatever the reason it is her money and her choice and if her own son doesn't want to say anything then you need to leave her to it.

No ask her, my man once gave my brother £100.00 for xmas and me £50. I would have felt better if I known someone was in my corner

It's her money, she can do what she likes, sorry

It's her gift to give. Even if it seems unfair it's her choice what she does.

No - he wasn't winding me up, he is lovely.
Quite agree that it is her money and she is perfectly free to spend it how she chooses. It is the fact that she pointedly initiated a conversation and told an untruth. Hey ho I'll take anything else she says with a pinch of salt!

So it's firmly a lie, rather than her changing her mind?

Forgot to say - thanks for the advice x

Worraliberty - it does feel like that. She has had ample opportunity to say she changed her mind and she was so vociferous that she treated everyone equally. Just puzzled I guess!

I agree with you, yes its a gift but really poor form to treat grandkids differently. I would be upset too

No, you can't say anything.

It's shitty of her, but it is her money and she can absolutely spend it on what she chooses.

And she's under no obligation to be honest with you either.

Draw a line, move on :-)

Is there any chance she forgot how much she gave dd?

Just be glad the kids don't know (assuming they don't)

Say nothing the original 50 may have been topped up from another source (your SIL or BIL)especially if it was cash in a card.

I don't get why she told you what she was giving - its just not something you discuss, normally.

That said, if she did randomly come out with it, why didn't you say at the time " well, you didn't give ds and dd the same - totally up to you of course, what you give, but as you are making a public point about it........"

If you think about it, the first Grandchildren always get more than the subsequent ones.

Have you told your DN not to tell your children? If not, won't they find out?

If they do, leave them to confront their Nan.

If your DH won't ask, then if you can, let it go.

Personally, I'd have to ask.

I would say something but quite casually....

"DN says he's going to buy X with the money you gave him. Isn't that lovely? £100 is such a generous gift"

And then see what she says!

Peoples financial situations fluctuate - is it possible she just has a bit more cash to give at moment than she did at previous birthdays?

Look, it could be a simple error.

Or maybe someone topped it up

Or maybe she had a change of heart for some reason.

Whatever it is I really wouldn't mention it. The risk of souring things is huge. And for what? £50? Life isn't fair sometimes, kids have to learn that too.

And it really could be an error, a lady at work was in a flutter recently cause she had done that v thing. Gave the wrong envelope or something and of course you can't ask for it back!

Thanks again for all the responses. Yup- I should let it go. My children don't know and will not find out from me.
She won't have forgotten - she writes details if every gift she gives in a little book (odd I know). I didn't mention the differential gifts for my two as fIL's anniversary had just happened and I just thought hey ho.
Not sure why she actually raised the original conversation but who can explain the human mind!
Feeling less upset now (wine has helped) but think I will go with deathstare's suggestion!

I'm cringing at Death Stares suggestion

I'd just remember but leave it.

If your DN has two sets of grandparents then he might have been referring to his other grandmother. I know it’s natural to assume that he would be making conversation about someone you both know but at 18 an amount of money with three figures can seem quite momentous so could have seemed news worthy to him.

Smaller amounts but every year i forget if I put £10 or £20 in a card for mu nephews. I hope they just don't notice.

If you decide to follow up with her, have your husband do it. It's his mother. Let her explain the rationale behind the different treatment; she clearly felt the need to lie about it, so it should be interesting...

This sounds familiar, I had a relation who used to do this among the younger generation of the family. It was a bizarre divide and conquer thing but she would always lie and say that she treated us all equally when she didn't. DB was the favored child so he always got more. Eventually, when I was much older and she came out with the lie, I was polite but challenged it. My family are pretty damn toxic though. Does she have form for odd behavior or is she actually a decent person and there's an innocent explanation (maybe the other relation has done some work for her or won't be getting xmas present)