To want people to stop asking

[MegGriffin1]

Ffs. Im.'subfertile' i have pcos and found out at 29. Been married for almost a year and told no one. Im a private person and do not want to share this information.
People constantly ask if im trying, if im pregnant, when im getting pregnant. Im polite ans dont like atmosphere so smile and nod. Its starting to give me rage i feel like saying im on clomid thats failing i get sore tits and hot flashes and vaginal haemorrhages with nothing to show for it! Yes im aware my dh is older and time is running out and breathe

Just say 'That's a very personal and intrusive question and none of your business'.

Clomid isn't great for people with PCOS and has its best successes for people with unexplained infertility. The next lines of 'attack' work much better for PCOS, especially if there are no other problems. I have PCOS and have a DS from IUI and am now expecting twins from IVF.

Bill I heard clomid won't work for unexplained fertility but is good for pcos. If it doesn't work we've decided to leave it and live without children. I always said I'm not ruining my life and health for something and I stand by that

Clomid is good for pcos I took it with metformin amazing stuff!!

Actually with ds I wasn't trying I used to go 6 months without periods and it was a happy suprise. Now I am trying going on 7 months and no joy. I'm trying to lose weight as I am overweight and that can help fertility. Not been to the dr as yet

It never stops! Moved in with DH at age 20, it started then:

'When are you going to have children?'
14 years later it turned out!

Having had one Dc, it's now 'when are you going to have another?' Never! Not that it's anyone's business.

Hope whatever you want to happen works out for you

I used to look them square in the eye and totally deadpan tell them "I hate children, especially babies." Works like a charm, especially if you can keep the unblinking stare up .

I had similar problems. I was married for years and nothing happening with the baby situation. People were asking all sorts of questions and looking back I should have said it is nothing to do with you. Eventually
I did get pregnant and the next questioning started with do you have to get married.
People really need to get a grip on their manners and have the decency to await any volunteered information. They only show their ignorance.

You have my sympathies, it does get to you. I have one child (took a while) and we planned on a second but it never happened. It took a while to make our peace with that but relentless questioning and winking whenever I put on weight or felt under the weather didn't help. I honestly think it's just a conversation filler for most people, they ask without thinking, or even caring really. I found that replying to 'no babies?' or 'are you going to have another?' with 'oh god, no [shudder]' shut the conversation down quite quickly. I hope your day comes soon

It must be really annoying for you when you don't want to talk about it but is it better for the subject to be taboo? Isn't it easier to just say 'I think we may have children but we're not sure if we're able to, how about you?' I find it good to talk about things with friends and once you've had that conversation they will know to be sensitive about it and not keep asking.

No suitable I'm very private and do not want people knowing

meg, you might want to consider IUI at least. There are a lot less drugs and it's much less invasive than IVF. Neither IUI or IVF would ruin your life or health. But I found IUI an absolute doddle. IVF is however tough and invasive.

If you google 'verity forum' there is a charity called Verity for PCOS which has an extremely good and supportive forum on fertility issues which I found really useful.

And good luck.

Fair enough, I know some people are more private. I'm just more of the school that sharing problems and being open helps.

Really feel for you. Currently going through the IVF and clomid stuff and it's no picnic. I didn't tell anyone for a while but the incessant comments made me change my mind and now I'm frank with people:

• "when do you think you'll have kids?"
• "I wish I knew, we currently receiving fertility treatment to achieve just that".

Makes a lot of people squirm but stops the crap. Wishing you much luck on this seemingly endless battle to have something which others achieve so effortlessly.

I find being a newly wed and in a wheelchair stops all baby questions, (though is the three kids that put me off more, teens are such great contraception, rather than using a wheelchair). People just assume stuff.
Huge hugs xxxx people can be so unthinking and say stuff without thinking. I really hope things happen for you.

Thanks ladies. Really hope those who are struggling get a good outcome. If next month doesnt work im considering taking a break from treatment. Im obsessed

I hope taking a break helps the stress xx

Had the same thing - took 4 years to conceive. Only found out it was PCOS after a couple of years took Metformin, then Clomid. Neither worked. Had a small op to check my tubes. Was then booked in for a summer of IVF - decided last minute against starting it for various reasons. Then found out I was pregnant. The laporoscopy seemed to have cleared out tubes. Pregnancy seemed to stabilise hormones and got pregnant with second DC on first try which was v weird.
First time round I was so fed up of people asking. After a few years I just used to bluntly tell people we were having fertility problems - that seemed to shut them up.
It's a really personal and private matter and people can be very insensitive. I had several people say that the reason I got pregnant was most likely because I had stopped stressing about it?! As if I would be less stressed after waiting for longer. Noooo it was the op that helped. Good luck trying.

mummy I don't think taking a break will help the stress as people will keep asking until it happens....

It will hopefully reduce my stress at fertilty treatment converse

An Nct friend got pregnant on her third month with clomid - take heart!

I am flabbergasted that people still ask about this. Last year our dd was stillborn. A week later someone I don't know kept banging on about how she imagined we'd love nothing more than a little sister for our ds. She literally went on for ten minutes whilst the table fell silent around her. She couldn't possibly have known we'd buried our daughter the week before, but God, why and anyone about their procreation plans? You have no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

Home thats awful for you. Even if it wasnt intentional that woman must be dense

Meg I was diagnosed with PCOS at 27 (now 47). I used to volunteer with a charity called Verity which is a very good information and support group www.verity-pcos.org.uk/
I also have 3DC, which took a bit of time and Clomid wasn't the successful route. I'm very happy to chat/disclose, but maybe not on a public forum, please pm me if you'd like to do that.

To be honest, before I got to 35 and had friends with fertility problems, it never occurred to me it was rude to ask people about their plans re kids.

If it's an acquaintance I would just say something about my life being too full / happy as I am for now. For a friend, I personally would be honest (without going into details).

You can't stop people asking so you need to prepare some stock responses for when they do.

I am really sorry to hear of your problems.

People don't use their brains in case they wear the batteries out, i think.