To think this was a teeny bit insensitive?

[FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname]

Was sitting with 2 friends today when they start comparing the size of their various body parts and commenting about how 'fat' and 'big' they both were. Both are size 8-10.

I am considerably fatter than both of them (size 16) and am quite self conscious about my weight. Trying to lose some but not having a lot of luck so far.

Aibu in thinking this was a teeny bit insensitive given that they know they are both slimmer than I am?

"Erm, if that's fat what am I??

erm, shutting down other womens feelings like that is not doing a good thing for the sisterhood at all

It's not contributing to "body shaming" to complain about your own weight gain, that's not what body shaming means.

I personally an HUGELY bored byany talk about ANY body size/feeling fat talk etc. I don't do it any more and completely switch off when anyone else does it. There are so many more interesting and fun things to talk about. The problem is I always seem to end up feeling very "out of it" when out with friends as this seems to be the primary topic of "bonding" conversation between women that and how c**p their (generally male) partners are. Neither of these conversations hold much interest for me.

Of course the person has a "real" weight/health problem and wants to talk about it in an authentic way, I am happy to listen/talk about it . If somebody wants to talk to me about how they have taken up running/exercise and changed their diet recently, I am happy to listen/congratulate them but I have absolutely zero interest in "body insecurity" talk of the "type I feel fat in a bikini" or. "I've gained a few lbs and I feel enormous". To me it actually a feminist issue, if we choose to stop indulging these ridiculous insecurities maybe they might start to become less important. How about talking about anything (and I mean absolutely anything) except how "fat" we feel?

So as usual on this issue, I completely disagree with almost everyone that we should all be "entitled" to express every feeling we have. i personally think we need to have some awareness of how "expressing these (often ridiculous when looked at objectively) insecurities just perpetuates the whole issue of women and how they are often judged almost entirely on their looks. Women should take some responsibility for this and refuse to engage in these types of conversations, or at least make them short and inject some awareness of how unrealistic some of these insecurities are.

I am aware however that I seem to be in a very small minority

I also wanted to say that being fat is not a "feeling". It is an objective fact. You can't go from being not fat one day to being fat the next day, it is impossible. Therefore if you go to bed one day feeling good, then spend the next day eating nothing but cake, you won't actually be fat, and "feeling" fat makes no sense. What you probably feel is worried that you have eaten so much cake and that it is bad for you and that you might not be able to stop eating" it so much. You might feel shame, guilt, disgust or none of these but whatever your feeling is, it cannot be fat - "fat" is not a feeling, it is a physical state of being. You either are it or you are not. You can't feel it.

You can "feel" it if your waistband is digging into your tummy and you're sluggish and bloated. And you can feel emotinally a bit shit about that

I get so pissed off when groups of women get together and all spend the whole time whining about how they need to loose weight and how horrible they look. Most of the time they look perfectly normal healthy size to me. Do they genuinely feel like that or is it fishing for compliments/stealth boasting? I just don't know what to say in those conversations. I am naturally small framed so I worry if I join in and put myself down or if I tell them they look great the way they are (which they do) do I look like a smug bitch? But mainly it annoys me as unecessarily perpetuating women feeling that they need to conform to a certain body type & image. We are all different shapes & sizes and if we can't accept each other and be happy the way we are then what hope is their of passing self confidence and positive body image onto our children.

I think you can feel 'fat' however I think it's more bloatedness/ sluggishness due to diet than actual size. If I go a week or so eating lots of junk/not much fruit & veg I definitely feel a bit yuck.

It's not contributing to "body shaming" to complain about your own weight gain

Yes, yes it is. Think about why one complains of weight gain. Think about what it demonstrates about your view of women's bodies, your own included.

And I really don't see why OP shouldn't point out the difference, if she feels as described in her post. You have two slim women pinching their waistlines & thighs, going "Urgh! Look how fat I am! - No, look at this, I'm more disgusting than you!"
She's got every damn right to shut that down, as you put it. If they are fat and therefore bad, what are they saying about her?

Whether she chooses to go for it on a personal level or a political one, she definitely should go for it.

I got told off by an overweight friend once because I'm a size 8 and said I didn't feel comfortable wearing a bikini when we went to the beach. She was saying that I'm so tiny and skinny that it's crap that I think I'd look awful when she if overweight and still wears one and feels fantastic. That's great, but I've had a child and my tummy looks like a ball bag!

Yes, yes it is. Think about why one complains of weight gain. Think about what it demonstrates about your view of women's bodies, your own included

Why?
Because I'm acutely aware that my generation will have to work for longer than the previous work, and that is going to be a long painful slog if I don't keep my body in good shape.
Because I don't like feeling uncomfortable in my clothes, I don't like the waist band sticking in, I don't like having less to wear, because in a wardorbe full of clothes, lots of it no longer fits
Because if I'm gaining weight, its symptomatic of the eating habits Im sharing and demonstrating to my kids sliding into me being a less good example, and I want my kids to grow up healthy
Because I want to feel strong, physically strong, not sluggish and weak and unfit, so that I can work and run and play with my kids and live a full life with my family

Because my husband feels all the same things if he gains weight too, it's not body shaming, it's appreciating the body's we have and not taking our health for granted, so we feel annoyed with ourselves if we lose sight of that and let the weigh creep on

It's not contributing to "body shaming" to complain about your own weight gain, that's not what body shaming means.

Of course it is. What on earth do you think body shaming is?

Perhaps try to find some more interesting friends, OP.

YANBU. I'm sure your friends were not trying to to be hurtful, but it is a little insensitive. I'm basically very thin too and yes body issues/insecurity and body shaming affect all women, but thin privilege is a thing too.

I gained 20lbs from medication in 6 months and it really did a number on me, even though I was still objectively small/slim. My best friend has really struggled with obesity and body issues, so I try to be careful about what I say regarding weight and body size. Not because I believe in "censorship" but because it's kind to be aware that your words have the power to hurt people.

Yanbu to feel a little upset but having been a v slim size 8 and a not so slim size 14 it's not just overweight people who have body insecurities.

I totally get this as I am about a 16 these days and much skinnier girls at work (not my friends thankfully) will moan about their non-existent fat. What I will say though is that they probably would be horrified if they thought they were insulting you because when I was a size 8-10 I used to moan about my non-existent fat, believing it was real, and I probably did it unthinkingly in front of women that were bigger than me. But I never used to think of that at the time and I quite honestly wasn't noticing that they were bigger, I was just concerned with my 'fat'. Now I've actually got some to be concerned about

YABU.

They can discuss what they want about there insecurities. You were being a little over sensitive.

I think yabu its not really your friends fault if your a larger size than ud like to be i was once a size 16 and i know how it feels but really they didnt mention your size and they probably dont look at you and find you one bit gross its just there own insecurities they touched on so dont worry and focus on weight loss

"You can't go from being not fat one day to being fat the next day, it is impossible."

Why not? If you go for a three course meal in the evening you could easily gain 2 pounds, which could leave you not able to fit into some of your clothes or tip you from the healthy weight BMI to the overweight.

Agree that they probably didn't mean to be unkind but also that they were hugely insensitive. I think it sounds like you realise this and have the right attitude. I guess it also means it doesn't occur to them to think that you might have body issues etc so you probably look really fantastic.

They would only be "hugely insensitive" if they knew that the OP had severe body image issues

However, all we know is that the OP is larger than them

Are we saying that all thin people should assume that all large people are unhappy with their bodies? isn't that a bit of an ignorant offensive assumption to make about larger women?

for all we know, the OP might be really into fashion and carry herself in a way that her friends though she was super confident and sexy, and the thinner friends might hide away in baggy dark unassuming clothing

I feel I'm too thin - nearly 6 foot and size 8.
I hate parts of my body and would like to be curvier.