old dog troubles

[cuddlemonkey2016]

My old dog (11 years) has started being really grumpy with my two daughters (aged 2 and 3)

They obviously want lots of cuddles etc and he keeps snapping at them. I feel bad on the girls continuously telling them to leave him alone and feel bad on poor doggy as its not his fault he is old and can't be arsed with my two girls :(

A friend of mine has offered to have him for the rest of his days and give him some peace and quiet. Although I know deep down this is the right thing to I feel awful on him as he has been with my since my 20's.

AIBU? The vet has suggested keeping him in another part of the house whilst girls are around but that would be even worse from him stuck away from the family.

Firstly OP this is a horrible situation for you and I'm sorry that you have to go through this!!

To everyone saying to just teach a 2 and 3 year old to just leave him alone etc that would be great in an ideal world where small children listen and do as they're asked EVERY time! Deluded much?! They are too young to understand the potential repercussions and it only takes them doing something once and the consequences could be dire. If the dog is showing signs that he doesn't want them around him you need to listen to that. From the sounds of it him going to your friend sounds like your SAFEST course of action. I would also assume that way you could still see him? It's not fair on him to be in a home that he is no longer happy in, it's not fair on your kids to not be allowed to be kids and it's not fair on you to have to feel on edge Everytime the kids may possibly go near him!! You have to do what's best for your family!!

"To everyone saying to just teach a 2 and 3 year old to just leave him alone etc that would be great in an ideal world where small children listen and do as they're asked EVERY time! "

And yet dog owners manage to do it every day...

It's not that hard actually, don't try to cuddle the dog, he doesn't like it, repeat as needed intervene physically if you're ignored and take the dog with you when you leave the room.

That's really all it takes.

Dog behaviourist here..

Investigate potential causes such as pain - but he may just have come to the end of his ability to tolerate your DC's behaviour.

If you cannot stop them pestering him, and you cannot find a way to separate children from dog in such a way that does not cause either them, or him to suffer, then I think considering rehoming him to a known, trusted and more suitable home IS the best plan.

And then don't get another dog until your children are old enough to follow instructions and not irritate the dog.

Ladydeadpool - lucky you! Unfortunately my dog isn't great with the kids. Hence the post.

Milk machine - thanks for your post, it was helpful. Of course I don't want to get rid of my dog! I have been with him since my Bridget Jones days! But I also know it would be more respectful for him to move him somewhere he could have a happy and quiet life. Thank u

And just one more point- the cuddling actually isn't her main problem. For example DH was playing a game with child and she fell over near his bed by accident and Doggy got up and snapped.

She did nothing wrong apart from playing and falling. My girls don't just go over and squeeze the life out of him they are very respectful he just can't be arsed with the general day to day life of a busy house.

Could you try having some no go areas for the children instead? For instance an area round his bed and feeding area where they aren't allowed to play or make noise?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It must be very hard. Something I've noticed about AIBU is that as soon as the advice rolls in, it makes you recognise what you think is the right course of action in your heart (even if it is the opposite to the advice you have been given).

What a very difficult situation for everyone.

OP, it's not at all cruel to rehome your dog with someone he knows and trusts, if it's the best workable option. Infact, it could be a kind thing to do, if it means he enjoys his life more.

Even the best behaved two and three year olds can be unpredictable, and if there's no fair , safe way of separating the kids from the dog, then rehoming seems to be the best solution all round.

It sounds like he hasn't got a space that he can go to if they are playing around his bed. You could move his bed and make that space his safe place, no playing near it and no following the dog when he gets up and goes there. Or you could move where the children are playing so that something like that doesn't happen again. It sounds like the dog is getting fed up of being pestered ( he won't realise that your daughter fell near his bed by accident-just that she was interrupting his sleep) and he is being clear with his signals that he is not happy. Make it clear to your children that they need to respect him- learning how to be around dogs is a lesson everyone should learn.

Rehome him. It's better than having him put to sleep when he finally cracks and bites.

I agree. Thanks for your comments.
FYI - space isn't an issue. It's just very difficult to keep a 2 year old away from that area and explain why.

Xx

i think rehoming your dog to your friend sounds like the perfect solution. Do get him checked but it sounds to me like the children are too much for him. He'll be happier in the long term.

Your DH not playing games in the dogs space would be the first step to getting the two year old to understand surely?

By the sounds of it the dog would live a much happier life with your friend.

Have you thought about trying a crate? If you put his bed in it with the door open, there's less chance of the kids falling on him accidentally, it's an easier barrier to define (don't go into the crate easier than don't go near the dog) and he could have a safe place while still being with the family. Otherwise it's great that you have such a good alternative for him if you don't think the situation is maintainable without risk to your DCs.

Dog sleeps in crate, but doesn't like being in there during the day.
You know that grumpy old grandad who loves your kids he just can't be arsed with them... And why would he? Before DD came along he was live a life of peace and quiet with two hour walks

Is he crate trained?? My two children were trained from a very young age-2/3- that if the dog was in his crate then he was to be left alone and that they were not allowed in crate ever... Younger child has ASD so when he was younger he could be a bit overbearing for dog..the dog quickly learned that his crate was his 'safe place' and he went in there if he wanted peace...I had a massive crate for him and the door was only shut if other kids were in house so all the kids and him were safe..I had a blanket over top of crate to make it feel like a den..

He was also a mini schnauzer and I had to have him put down at age 10 because of health probs..he had been failing health wise for two years beforehand and the crate gave him much needed peace from both the kids and my other much younger dog

Great minds Cuddlemonkey

The children's safety is more important than cuddles with the dog. Teach them not to smother him in cuddles and he may get less grumpy when he realises he has his space. Yes to a special safe place where he can go to escape and the children won't follow.

As well as possible pain, are his hearing or sight deteriorating? If he's startled when the children approach that could also explain grumpiness

Giving him to a friend that you and he both know well and love is not the same as abandoning him! If it will keep all of you happy and safe then it's better than keeping things as they are.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing OP . You are considering all options for the much loved pet and family , but the bottom line is any snapping dog around small children would obviously be far happier elsewhere for all concerned in my opinion . I say that in terms of the dog and definitely as a mother . Luckily you a super plan b for him . If a quiet retirement ends up being the option then don't feel too guilty we all make hard choices on what's best for our family . 🐶

Potentialmad- my other mini schnauzer went in December. I spent £6k on a spine operation and she just never recovered. It was unfair to see her so unhappy.

Thanks everyone for the kind comments. If only it was so easy to tell the kids not to go near the dog.

It is that easy, or do you really not manage to tell your children not to do anything?

Plenty of dog owners including me manage to ensure that their children aren't mistreating their dogs, what you mean us that you find cuddling a dog acceptable and don't see why you should stop them doing it.

Cuddling isn't something that dogs necessarily like, yours doesn't.

But yeah if you can't be bothered teaching your children how to interact positively with the dog, you probably should rehome the poor thing.

If my one year old could understand "No, leave her alone, she wants quiet" then I would think your two and three year olds could. No offence but tbh it just comes across as you can't be asked to enforce any rules re respecting the dog and his space. But yes, if you are completely unable to control them to a point where they don't keep getting snapped at then I can't see that rehoming him with someone he knows is cruel. It's what is best for him. Have you had him checked by the vet to be sure there isn't a medical reason for his snappiness? 11 isn't overly old for a small dog. If he was going for 2 hour walks only 2 years ago then I would take him. Old age doesn't generally cause a dog to go downhill that quickly.

I imagine as he is getting older he wants to sleep more and be left alone. I think letting him live with your friend where he will beloved, happy and have peace and quiet when he needs it is a much kinder option. As long as he is well fed, well cared for, walked and gently fussed when he wants to be, has all his toys and his favourite bed - he will settle in fine.

A two year old is too little to continually remember not to cuddle a dog - they have poor impulse control and she will just think 'doggy - cuddles' every time. Not fair on the dog, but no blame attached to you or your children - they are little.

I had to rehome a very beloved dog years ago, when I became very ill and couldn't care for him well enough (he needed long walks)- it was heart breaking because I loved him, but I wanted him to have the best life. He went to live with my Mum in the countryside (she had just lost her dog) and he had the time of his life - she spoiled him rotten - I still got to see him when I visited, and it worked out fine. I don't think he felt any sense of loss (I did - but he was happy in his new home).

I do agree with PP - do obviously get him checked to see if he is in any kind of pain.

Cuddle.. It's so hard to lose them..when I took mine to vet the last time he knew by looking at him that it was a lost cause, he had had some problems for about two years- behaviour changes,gradual weight loss etc..I knew enough to know it was bad and couldn't afford major treatment so I kept him at home as long as I could and dealt with his 'grumpy' behaviour ..when he started to lose weight dramatically and began to get distressed I took him straight to vet who basically said he could do some very expensive tests but there wasn't going to be a positive outcome.. I could have borrowed the money but vet didn't recommend it as he wasn't going to come back from it...

Anyway you are trying to do your best for both the dog and your kids.. If you have a lovely home for him to go to then I think no matter how much we love our pets our kids need to come first..that's why I didn't borrow the money because in my case it would have affected the kids life for years until I could pay it back..whatever you choose will be the best you could do at that time and that's all any of us can do..

Have booked him in vet for Tuesday am, will let you know the outcome.

Hoping for a positive outcome all round!