To Think You Don't Throw Someone Else's Child Into The Pool?

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Genuinely interested if I'm just being precious. My son is 4, it's obvious he can swim, so I didn't have the added need to be annoyed at the idea he could have struggled in the water. There was a man with his 3 daughters and they were jumping in, sometimes the dad was throwing them in. My DS was then jumping in, he stopped to look at the girls being thrown in, the man said would he like a go, DS looked at me and I said no, he's fine but thanks anyway. It was left. He kept jumping in and the girls kept jumping/being thrown in... Then all of a sudden he grabbed my son and threw him in laughed and said 'gotch ya'. DS laughed and found it fun, but I did already say no... AIBU to think you don't do that?

No I don't think he should have done it.

It's rare but there has been nasty accidents that have happened before where someone's fell in an awkward way and others where people have banged they're head on the side or the bottom of the pool.

No, he absolutely shouldn't have once you'd said no.

He shouldn't have done it as you'd already said no - but perhaps you should have removed your son from their game if you weren't really wanting him to join in fully?

He shouldn't have thrown him in if you'd said no but was your son hanging around them and showing an interest, if so you should have moved him away.

He shouldn't have. But you shouldn't have said no.

Mum has a 4 year old son at the pool where a man she does not know is throwing cc into the pool .Looks like fun to the cc but adults can see the potential for accidents. Mum's boy wants to be thrown ,man asks mum and she says no, but man does it anyway. I wd not be happy if I were that mum . She is in charge of her son and she will have to deal with any bad results. Who condones a random man deliberately grabbing someone' 4 year old child and throwing him into the pool when mum has said no? MN has produced some of these people who think it's fine to ignore what a 4 year old's mum has said. What if an accident had ensued from this unsafe pool behaviour? Public pools ban kids jumping in from the side so how can it be safe for kids to be thrown in one after the other? I wd find out who he is and talk to the police. This man does not respeuct what cc's parents want for their dcc. What has this boy learned from this? His mum says no ,but a stranger goes ahead anyway and ignores his mum and the boy has fun. This lowers the boy' s respect for his mum and sets an unsafe precedent for further dangerous behaviour. MN has failed this mum by not supporting her and her decision regarding her son.

He probably should not have done this but it does sound a bit like you could have said no more firmly - in a tone that sounded like it was out of the question rather than "oh he's fine, thanks anyway" which could have come across as though you just didn't want to impose on him rather than you didn't actually want him to do that for safety reasons. Also you did let your son continue on sort of joining in alongside and if you really meant no, I think you probably should have moved your son away.

Amarmai

"I wd find out who he is and talk to the police."

Are you being serious? What possible good would that do? What would you hope to achieve?

No, it is not ok to go ahead and do anything to a child when a parent has said NO. This rule applies even if you think the parent should have said yes.

Well, I think you weren't really clear that you didnt want him to it, it was more of a 'No, he's not sure about it' answer, so when he was still hanging around and joining in the Dad probably thought he looked ready to have a go. Seems reasonable. Different if you'd said something more firm - like 'No, please don't do that'.

I am surprised anyone thinks this is OK. I am with kawliga on this. It doesn't matter what the activity was, the man was a stranger, the parent said no.

I was on a thread a few weeks ago where everyone was up in arms as a supermarket trolley with a child in it had been moved out of the way by another shopper, throwing a child in a pool is way beyond that.....

I would've said no too and I think he should've respected your decision or asked again. I wouldn't want someone throwing my child into the pool at that age, maybe when they're older but at 4 you're not going to be an amazing swimmer to get yourself out of trouble.

Were you in the pool OP?

OP is not asking whether she should have said no. I am surprised how many people view the word 'no' as an invitation to debate what the parent should have said. There is no what should she have said. She said no. He went ahead anyway.

As for the poster saying 'your 'no' was not clear enough' that's borderline creepy. I feel like I'm on the consent thread I wonder whether that man would have gone ahead against a 'no' from the father, or whether people think women saying 'no' is just a suggestion.

I wouldn't love someone throwing my child in, I would love it less if I had said no already, but, in this situation I probably would have told my child to go off and play his own game rather than just watching this man and his children having fun, and possibly looking like he badly wanted to join in. I bet you the man thought he was doing something nice and isn't even thinking about it since then.

No, you are not being precious.

There is no way that throwing a child into a pool is unacceptable unless you have the permission of both the parent and the child - I wouldn't even throw my own children into a pool unless they'd asked.

I am At bte suggestion you should have said no more firmly.

No is no.

Nobody should throw another child into the pool unless the child and parent are both happy about it.

There is another thread going on re the same kind of entitled ignoring of a mother and grabbing her small child without saying a word and walking off with her. Where is this weird behaviour coming from? It's certainly not respectful at the least and is undermining the authority of the mother with her child. and is potentially dangerous.

Thou shalt not touch another's child!
Not without permission or authority when in loco parentis, I would have thought.

Where is this weird behaviour coming from?

It is coming from the dominance of questions like 'am I being unreasonable?' So, if people think you are being unreasonable saying no, they just ignore what you said and go ahead anyway because they feel that you should have said yes. This thread is a good example of that.

There was a thread on here where a godfather insisted on taking his godchild out once every three weeks (his own schedule) because he thought that was reasonable, and he would not accept the mother saying no because in his opinion, she was being unreasonable. Lots of posters also thought she was being unreasonable.

So what if she's unreasonable? It's ok to say no, reasonable or not. That has to be respected. The only person allowed to argue is the other parent. Everybody else has to accept it (as long as it's not unlawful).

Public Service Announcement: it's not against the law to be unreasonable! You are allowed to follow your own rules in raising your dc and nobody can override that just because they think you are being unreasonable in saying no.

Example, I think it is unreasonable to have a rule that dc are not allowed sweets, ever, even if they're at a birthday party, no cake for them, they have to sit and watch others eat cake while they munch piously on celery sticks. Would I give sweets to a child whose parent has said 'no' just because I think they're being unreasonable? Of course not.

OP, it was your call to say yes or no to your ds being dunked and you don't have to justify that to a random stranger at the pool.

I don't see why you said no - your son wanted to join in and would have enjoyed it. However, you did say no and the dad undermined you. I'd be pissed off.

The man was out of line - you'd said no!