AIBU to still love co-sleeping with my 9 year old?

[freewheelingfox]

Controversial topic, but a personal experience for both the like-minded and the not-so-much-so...

DS and I have co-slept on and off since he was an infant - sometimes more when there is emotional turmoil (i.e., when me and his dad split), sometimes just for "sleepovers" as he's got older, and recently because he was struggling to settle himself to sleep (his mind races) so I thought, hey why not try some of the meditation / mindfulness training I am currently practicing with him?

So we sleep in the same bed together, doing a guided mindfulness meditation (body scan, for those who are familiar) at bedtime and he falls asleep sometimes 30 seconds in (like the first few nights), and sometimes after 15 mins or so (more recently), which is an improvement over the 30 mins to an hour we used to spend just chatting to exhaust his mind from all he'd stored up over the day! Now he really loves the practice and craves it - he asks every night for me to put on "the guy" (it's guided by a male voice), and we listen together, and many times we both end up dropping off together.

This is the part that I love, and that's just for me - sometimes he wakes up in the night, and in his half-sleep he says "I love you mom." It's the best part of my day, and the sun hasn't even come up. Don't get me wrong, he's a loving kid, so I hear that a lot, but to hear it when he's barely conscious, and in the quiet and peace of the night, is just priceless.

I know this won't go on forever - he will grow tired of "the guy" or he'll get into another independence stage and insist on his own bed (maybe with "the guy", maybe not), but regardless I am treasuring every night I get of this experience.

Sending this into the ether for others who still enjoy their kids' cuddles through the night - just my experience, one person among many, and it's a controversial topic, but I just wanted to share.

If it works for you..

None of my kids have ever slept in my bed, they have theirs and I have mine I don't cross that line no matter what

My 8yo moved out this year and I miss her although am glad she's gone into her own room for her sake. Now I just have to shift the 4yo starfish who is still here . I do love co sleeping though, just slightly less so when it's so muggy.

Mine are 12 (girl), 10 (boy) and 8 (boy). Most nights I have a warm and cuddly kid. DH is neither.

I'd never turn them away, not even if they were teens. They'll stop in their own time - it's alawys to do with being unhappy or worried about something. No need to talk, just be together - amazing what they'll 'fess up to after a half hour's cuddle.

My 8 year old DD sleeps in my bed around two times a week. She loves it as she is still young in her mind in many ways and seems to need it. My DH sleeps very badly and when he is tired, he has nightmares so we've found that we now can forsee when he will have a bad night and on those nights he chooses to sleep alone in DDs bed so that he can have the whole bed to himself which helps him...DD would sleep in with me every night if she could so she's always happy with it.

If that changes, then we will see about getting a sofa bed in the sitting room so DH can just bed down there on bad nights.

My older DD is 11 and she ditched me for sleepovers when she was about 6! She's a light sleeper and I snore!

My sister was still in with mum at 9/10 she is in her 30s still lives at home just saying 😊 if you are both happy and comfortable and sleeping then its not anissue is it i could never have dds in bed they would never sleep properly

MrsJayy I don't think that has much to do with anything. My niece was in with my sister until she was 11 on and off...she lives in a different country now she's 27.

He'll likely stop in his own time around 13 or so. It's perfectly fine and also good he is securely attached.

Such a lovely lovely thread.

It's mothering at its most basic & beautiful.

We overthink so much these days. The comfort gained from sleeping with another is so nourishing & calming for the soul .

We stayed at a friends house recently & I ended up getting in bed with my 3 year old DD & I loved it. We fell asleep holding hands and cuddles in the morning.

I would love to do it more often to be honest. But her door is right next to the stairs and our door is next to the stairs so I worry too much about her wandering in the night and taking the wrong step down the stairs so she still has a stair gate up. Otherwise I would let her come and go as she pleases. Having said that, when she is poorly or has nightmares and comes in with me and DH I have zero room and end up clinging to the side of the bed and cursing.

we do not co-sleep every night anymore but DS (4) comes to our bed sometimes, and I love it. I have many times been woken up with kisses and 'I love you mum' s. Priceless.

Snuggle! My dd is grown up, but I have the deep satisfaction of knowing my dgd (4) snuggles in with her parents every night.

Mini monkey snoring next to me now. Didn't start the night there. Love watching her sleep

Violet I was joking about kids never leaving home.

Where I live cosleeping like this is the norm, as in many countries. Not for me as we don't sleep well in the same bed, but horses for courses 🙂

What a lovely thread. I co-sleep with my 2 DS (16 months and 7).
I co-slept with my awesome Mum until I was about 9. I treasure those memories now she has gone.

How wonderful to read all of these beautiful examples of co-sleeping with older kids! I get so much grief from DS's dad, my mum (she's very old fashioned!), it's a huge breath of fresh air to read all of these posts. Thanks all of you for sharing!

does he has his own bed and room in case he does want some space, as that is good too.

My DS is 12 and, although it's less frequent than it used to be, he still gets in to my bed sometimes. Most often he'll fall asleep having a cuddle and then move to his bed when my DH comes up. Occasionally he'll want to stay all night or creep in around 2am. While he still wants it, I love it!

I co slept with my two boys. Ds 1 went on his own about 5 but ds 2 wanted to continue until he was 9. I absolutely loved it. He still needs me sometimes when he can't sleep or has a bad dream but its few and far between now. It doesn't last forever and I cherished every moment. I think it bonds you together and we are a cuddly family.

He has his own room and platform bed, in a Star Wars theme! It'll be there when he's ready, and he has his sleepovers there.

I'm trying to get my nearly 5yo to her own bed after cosleeping since she was born. Still cosleeping with the 2.5yo and plan to as well with ds, due to arrive next month

My main issue with dd1s cosleeping us that she cuddles up so close she ends up sleeping on top of me, and with pregnancy spd and reflux it is making me majorly grumpy. If we had a nicer cosleeping relationship I wouldn't have a problem continuing. Dd2 likes a but of space so she's fine in with me, I just occasionally end up with a foot in my face

YANBU

Still have 7.5 and 5 year old in with me. Love it! One day they will be grown up and gone; I try to treasure every second.

I sleep with my dd and she is also quite old! We do it because it works for us and both get a good night's sleep. She has her own lovely bed but mine seems more appealing!

Oh right, ok, wish my DC would, but dd 9 has ASD and bites me when we're in bed, so I have to take her back to bed and ds4 kicks and wriggles and messes about so off to his room he goes.