..to charge my DS rent but not DD.

[Yindeenumnum]

Ok, this is not as straightforward as it might seem. (Or maybe it is and I have got it wrong). I have NC for this as don't want it following me around but have been here since Pom Bears and NAICE ham and am a regular on The Archers threads. Anyway, here is my thinking.
I live with DH, Dd14, DS18 and (at the moment) DD20.

Ds18 is about a 7/10 on the idleness scale. He is very hard to get to do anything housework wise. Eg. Wash up. He will do this quite badly, leave food in the sink and no surfaces wiped.

Hoovering - he'll do upstairs but not down unless I nag. He took a year out before going to Uni but has just squandered the time in bed until I made him get a job.
He now works at the local large pub/restaurant about 5 days a week 12-4pm then 6-10/11pm. He takes home about £280 a week. Out of which I charge him what I think is a very generous £30 per week. This covers food and utilities. (His girlfriend also stays over two weekends a month)

Now, DD20 is back from Uni. She is a completely different kettle of fish. I don't have to ask her to wash up, she just does it. The kitchen looks like a professional cleaning company have been in. Same with hoovering/bathroom cleaning.

DH and I both work full time. Have done since DD20 was three months. I can't tell you how lovely it is to come home to a clean and tidy house after a long commute ! This ONLY happens when DD20 is home from Uni. When it's just Dd14 (quite helpful but not great) and fairly revolting Ds18, arriving through the door is quite depressing.

So....DD20 is working at same pub as her brother for the summer. Earning pretty much the same money. I told her that I would have to charge her £30pw as I charge her brother that. She insists that she shouldn't have to pay as A. She hasn't wasted her time lying in bed, worked really hard got into a great Uni and this is her holiday.. She needs ALL her money to pay for next year. and B. Her 'rent' is covered in her ability to be competent at housework...and she is saving me and DH from redoing the things DS18 should have done.

DS has not passed comment. - They get on very well, so there will be no falling out with each other over this, either way.

Should I charge or not.

Charge her but paying her £30 a week or exactly what you should do!

We had an agreement with my parents that as long as you were in current full time education you didn't pay. when you left it you got one month to get a job then started paying rent. And I paid a hell of a lot more than £30 a week!!

surely cleaning is instead of RENT and the £30 is covering food and utilities? ergo ds needs to start pulling his weight or start paying rent on top of his food and utilities bill?

pocketing £250 out of £280 whilst not even pulling his weight in the house is hardly preparing him for any kind of reality

Honey, if you rent somewhere with other people and never take the rubbish out or clean the loo you find that they don't want to live with you pretty quickly.

Once out of formal education I was charged 30% of my wages.

So he is paying way low. But is he saving to go to Uni?

I would not pay my adult children for cleaning. If you live in my house, you do it, or I stop washing or cooking or shopping for you. Sends the wrong message to son that thus us somehow optional and you get paid?

I'd just not charge her if she really needs the money for her education. He clearly doesn't (yet).

I'd personally charge both (I'd love to take a holiday from bills too but I'm an adult and it doesn't work like that!)

But I'd also charge your DS for cleaning as he's insistent on being idle. If she really does go above and beyond, I'd then give this additional amount to DD. If it's within the realms of keeping a comfortably clean and tidy home I'd split it with her.

Another vote for charge her and pay her. Could you explain to her why or would that disrupt family dynamics?

£30 is a small deduction from a £280 take home pay imo. Up the rent.
Pay DD towards cleaning and save the rest of her 'rent' to hand it back when she goes off again.
£50-£70 deduction might get DS.
Same deal for him if he does.

Get DS off his bum -

DS is also going to Uni in September but gave up college in September 2015 and had spent 5 months dossing until I lost the plot and made him get a job...

DD also took a year out but worked her socks off in a garden centre and went travelling around s.e Asia for 6 months...

I didn't charge her when she was back. I think it's because she always 'has a plan' and therefore really needs her money..(does that sound unfair ?) whereas DS just spends his on nights out, and the occasional festival.

I wouldn't charge her.