To not want my ds bending down near PILs’ dog?

[mumofawoodlouseeater]

I’m not a dog owner, and don’t know much about dog behaviour.

PILs acquired a new dog last year (not sure of the breed exactly but it looks like a springer spaniel crossed with something else, maybe) – they got it off someone who had got it off someone else… basically, its history isn’t known. The first time we met it, MIL insisted that it was great with kids, and encouraged ds (who is 5) to cuddle up to it, and it then bit him in the face. Hard enough to leave marks for a few days and to upset ds a lot, but not hard enough to require professional medical attention.

When we got home, I set a rule that ds wasn’t to crouch down near the dog. Basically, I just don’t want his face being level with its mouth. MIL knows I’ve set this rule, but keeps encouraging ds to crouch down near it anyway to give it treats etc. (I’m never actually there – DH takes him to visit while I work, and MIL only does it when ds is alone with her, meaning we only hear about it after the fact). This obviously puts ds in a difficult position.

I still feel uncomfortable about it, but what I want to know is, am I being overly cautious with this rule? I’m on the verge of raising it with MIL, but that would cause an argument which I’d like to avoid if I can. Except for on that one occasion the dog has always seemed very docile, and PILs are always talking about how great it is with kids at the park etc.

If somebody I met for the first time was cuddling me and was a bit too close to my mouth, I would probably bite too ( and I am saying that as a grown adult, not " if i were a dog")

You're going to 'bring it up with MiL?'

You should have put your foot down at the time and refused permission for your DC to go there unless the dog is shut away.

I love dogs, but that is very irresponsible. It's bitten once and if it's not receiving any training there's a good chance it will bite again. No-one knows its history either.

Madness!

Nope, we have a dog and both kids have been taught never to crouch down to her. YANBU.

Thanks everyone.

Ok, what I'm getting from the responses is this: the dog probably bit because it was being put in an unfairly stressful situation rather than because it's particularly aggressive. As such, not allowing it in the same room as ds might not be necessary as long as its supervised (???), but disallowing crouching is entirely reasonable/advisable.

Does that sound about right to the majority of you?

Well the dog would be supervised anyway surely?

Supervision is NOT enough.

Dogs/children move so quickly.
As it sounds like the dog will be in your life one way or another, I would really insists on proper introductions and education for all involved.

Yes, the situation described sounds more like a fear-aggressive/insecure dog rather than a vicious beast IYKWIM, but that does not make any potential bite any less horrible.

Would your inlaws consider involving a behaviourist or at least taking the dog to some classes that teach positive reinforcement etc?

Umbongo yes, ds was always supervised around the dog anyway (at least as far as I'm aware!) I was just clarifying.

Does your MIL understand that if the dog bites him again, she will have to choose between them ?

May I suggest you ask MNHQ to move your thread to The Doghouse?
There are some VERY knowledgable posters about who have really helped me with my dog behaviour related issues
I am no expert at all, but there are some about who very much hang out in The Doghouse.

Sorry, having to dip in and out of this thread due to dc. There is absolutely no way they'd go to any lessons unfortunately, they've had dogs before and consider themselves well educated (though thinking about it, the last dog snapped a lot, they always blamed it on its old age but seems like they're just bad at training.) If I so much as suggest they should take lessons in anything MIL will just argue/shout at me. (Can you tell we don't get along particularly well...)

I would just tell your Mil that if she wants to see your son that she comes to you instead. I wouldn't even contemplate that dog being near my child.

But so whatif your mil shouts at you,thats better than your child being seriously injured.She is not going to listen to you so you have to take your son away.If she wants to see him she comes to you.

You have to stick up for your son no matter what.

My mother has a large dog that jumps up at you a lot and constantly wants attention. Although it has never bitten or shown any aggression I will not allow DS5 to go to DM's house without me or to go into the living room unless the dog is put outside. DM and DB (lives with DM) insist the dog won't hurt DS but I will not take the chance of the dog jumping on DS and scratching his face/eye or knocking him back and being harmed. I don't care how friendly it is my priority is keeping my DS safe.

In your position I would have requested the dog be put to sleep the first time it bit and definitely would not allow my son anywhere near.

This happened within our family and as the owners of the dog and other similarly spoilt, snappy dogs wouldn't recognise the risk even after a 3yo had narrowly missed being bitten in the face I no longer go to the homes of my aunties or Gran. It's a great shame because my DM died this year but I have had to do without them (DM was fully supportive of my stance).

I taught a 14 yo girl recently who was having laser treatment on a big facial scar she sustained aged 4 when her nan's Labrador bit her.

People are blind when it comes to dogs. My family were telling me loud and clear that they'd made their choice and neither me nor the DCs miss them.

I agree that yourself, your DC and your PIL should educate yourselves about the signs of stress in dogs. It is a very different thing for a dog to 'play' with children in the park when they're running in an outdoor place, but then have a child loom over it when it's in its own space. It's not surprising it snapped and it does sound like a warning. MIL absolutely should not be encouraging him to lean over the dog, and any child should be closely supervised with a dog.
If the dog in question is used to living with quiet, older adults, a child is going to be quite stressful.
If MIL won't respect your wishes I'd stop him going, but your DH should be proactive too.

The only dog who ever bit me was our own, grumpy elderly pekinese of all breeds , after I had stepped on his tail accidentally when I was aged 3. No lasting harm was done, the dog was very very contrite as soon as he realised just who he had bitten and we lived happily together for another number of years until he died. The bite was my 'fault' - as far as a young child can ever be blamed for these things, and even with the benefit of hindsight I am very glad the dog was not put down for it.

I agree that people can be blind about their own dogs.
Dogs have a pooing end and a biting end - anybody denying that is just deluded and in deep denial. Dogs also have a lot of love and companionship and fun to give, particularly to children, but I am not naive about the inherent risks.
I totally agree that a big dog jumping up, even in joy or exuberance, is dangerous to anybody at risk of falling, so children, elderly and any unsuspecting adult tbh.

I agree with keeping your DS away from the dog if your PIL do not adjust their position. And I agree with PPs who said really this should by your DH dealing with his parents.
You could always show him this thread?