Just after some perspectives to see if I'm being fair.
H and I separated approx 7 months now. 2 DC 10 and 6. The DC share a room (their choice). DC spend 4-5 nights a week with me, 2-3 nights with Dad, not usually consecutively due to his work patterns but he's always keen to see them as much as he can and is a great Dad. We are very amicable, kids are very happy and have adapted well.
On the nights they're with me he likes to call and speak to them before bed - awesome IMO. However on a number of occasions he's rung significantly after their established bed time when they're in bed. I started off taking the phone up to them so they could speak to him but it doesn't really work for me because:
It disrupts them as they're falling asleep and they then take ages to settle back down
This results in them making multiple trips downstairs for water/a wee/reports of suspicious spider activity/because one of them is looking at the other funny/because the other one is singing etc etc etc
(This sounds v petty) it's usually just when I've come down from settling them, put a wash on, wiped down the kitchen, put uniform and school stuff ready and have JUST collapsed on the sofa, I then have to trek back upstairs with my mobile, generally the call drops as signal is shit, I spend ten minutes trying to get a decent line then we have to do kisses and hugs again (OK, that bit's nice) and I haul my ass back downstairs again ... I have fibromyalgia and any stairs journeys I can avoid, the happier I am.
I've started saying no to taking the phone up when he rings after they've gone to bed. I did it tonight as I knew they were tired and all was silent so they were asleep or half way there. He's not arsey about it but I feel really guilty. We did try to ring him before they went up but he missed the call. Bedtime is just so busy and stressy that I feel I need to be firm about routine but I feel bad and wonder if I'm being overly draconian. I know it's a minor issue in the scheme of things but AIBU?