Endurance punishment and thoughts about it

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Will start by making it totally clear that I am not a fan.

I'm just wondering what thoughts and opinions are out there about this method of punishment mainly because for some reason recently I have been thinking about things in my childhood and I'm incredibly bothered by memories of these perticular punishments.

I'm not bothered (to the same level) by the horrendous beatings almost ritual humiliations and verbal and emotional abuse and things that even back then were none negotiable none subjective abuse that's sort of dealt with if that makes sense.

But I'm running around in my head things like the "you must lean down slightly and put your nose on this circle I have drawn and not move until I say so" or the " balence on this stool (bar stool I have a photo of it but person now describes it as a foot stool) on one leg with your arms straight out for as long as it takes me to feel you have been punished enough"

Those things almost appear to have had more of an impact on my emotional health than anything else, fwiw they also had no impact what so ever on my conduct if anything they made me worse even if it is hard to understand and define worse because I don't remember anything that I was caught for that was really bad but the way my childhood is reported by the person who was responsible for this stuff is that I was on a par with Charles Manson.

None of this is recent history it's all years and years ago and I have no idea why it's now playing on my mind, I guess I'm interested to know if anybody thinks this tyoe of punishment is reasonable or acceptable

Op I'm sorry you had to endure this.

I don't use punishment all with anyone- children, husband, or dogs.

Oh sock that is awful. It's not surprising if she's very ill that your childhood memories are coming back to you.

It sounds like (as well as being abusive) she is/was narcissistic - siblings are often treated very differently by narcissists with one being 'golden child' who can do no wrong and one being the 'scape goat' getting all the blame and punishment. Unfortunately I don't think you will ever get an apology (she will never be able to admit she did anything wrong because she thinks she's perfect). Have you ever had counselling about your childhood? I think it would help.

Sock

I've namechanged for this post since my comments will out me to my family if any of them happen to be on here.

My experiences are nothing like as bad as yours sound Sock, and for a mother (or someone in a mother type role) to do this to you is atrocious (in its true sense). However, I really do associate with your comments about this having a much worse impact on your emotional health than other more 'basic' physical abuse. In my case I had an older sibling who was often left in charge and would force me to stand in the middle of the room with my legs together and slightly bent at the knee and my arms out until he said I could move (moving early, crying, complaining etc would lead to violence). This would usually be as a punishment for failing to do something he'd asked (usually stupid stuff like picking up his rubbish, making him drinks etc). The fact that I had to 'voluntarily' get into an uncomfortable position made me feel weak and responsible for being in that position- surely I could have just said no? Why did I allow this to go on even when technically I was an adult and could have left? This is the aspect of my treatment at his hands that has me thinking about it many years later and wondering whether some of the emotional issues that I struggle with now are as a result of this.

Like you, I have never received any apology or even acknowledgement that what happened was wrong. In my case, the rest of the family (never present when this actually happened) wrote this off as children messing about (even though this continued until he was well in to his 20s) and claim that this was infrequent (it wasn't) and I am making a fuss over nothing (I used to think I was, I now know I'm not). I also understand your thoughts on the death of your tormentor. Mine died a few years ago and my only thoughts were of relief that I would never have to see him again (I'd gone NC but there was pressure on me from family to change this). Family members had also started to speak to my DC about him as if he was a lovely but misunderstood person and were clearly gearing up to try to get them to meet him- his death meant that this could never happen which was a relief to me. It does however mean that the subject is off limits with family so I don't think I will ever get any acknowledgement that anything wrong ever happened (and so, by default that I was just making a fuss to get attention).

Sorry if that is rambled, but your post really struck a chord. You are clearly a very strong and capable person to have been able to carry on despite this treatment by someone who should have taken care of you.

every single member of my family acknowledges how I was treated they recognise it including my siblings who wernt treated in the same way.

Hold on to this!

one

I'm so sorry that happened to you. One of the things she did to me was much the same as what you have described only she would pick rainy days. Another was making me hold electric fences I never really understood that one because it didn't hurt.

faith I have had bucket loads of therepy it has been very helpful

NeedsAsockamnesty

Oh I'm glad.

No, and never. I am ever so sorry that this happened to you, Its abuse, simple.

Its abusive.

I would like to add that I am fine I'm not still suffering in a bad way if that makes sense tbh I don't even know why I'm thinking about it at the moment

You mentioned she might be on her way out. Maybe contemplating that has prompted thoughts.

It's possible, usually she's not even a part of my thought process I know it may sound harsh but it is unusual for me to think of her at all.

I spent far to many years seeking approval and feeling distress and anger and God only knows what else and I previously allowed those feelings to own me rather than the other way round and now I just choose not to.

There was a catalyst event in the decision making process but I'm pretty sure that it's one she has no knowledge that I even know about hence no dramatic conversation.

I found out that she had made a very unkind accusation against me that potentially could have had catastrophic medical consequences for one of my children and that it was done intentionally and at a time designed to have a huge impact. I never mentioned this discovery to anybody other than formally as a attachment to the records I saw it in and then just decided enough was enough that was that from that point going forward she was never going to be on my radar again, and she hasn't even crossed my mind at all until thinking about this.

Think I may have a couple more sessions and get it off my chest for good.

Counselling can be an ongoing thing, just as and when something pops up or you think you need a brain clear out.
Definitely go as soon as you can so you can get it off your chest as you said.

Hope you're otherwise ok and that this is just a blip