About going on hen do

[DappledThings]

Have a hen do at end of July. Agreed to it when DS was tiny sort of assuming it would be easy. He is now 4 months and still mostly refusing bottle. We've got him to take 3 so far of expressed milk but never got him to settle at night with it.

DH us totally on board with plugging away at the bottles and with me being away in general and thinks it would be really good for me. I want to go but the thought of DS being inconsolable and all wound up at night is making me feel I would be being unreasonable to go.

It would be for about 48 hours from mid-morning on Friday but partners and children all joining us on the day on Saturday. So would really be Friday day and night then Saturday night.

So, AIBU to go knowing that although DS is in the totally capable care of DH that he is most likely going to be distressed because he's not on the breast or am I'm being silly and they will be fine? HV blithely said, "just go, he won't starve himself".

Hen is SIL-to-be who I think would understand either way and DH and DS would be staying with my DB and their own DS so will be a nice weekend for them if I can manage to let go!

It's hard isn't it? I assumed I would be fine leaving DD but I'm not and she's 6 months now. She won't settle at night either without me.

Can you see how it goes Friday night and if it goes badly just come home with DH on Saturday?

Yes, I have thought about that too as an option which seems the compromise. Just worried I'll end up spending all no Friday unable to relax anyway

Can you sound out SIL now and say as it stands you couldn't leave DS, at what point do they need to know for organisation/ payment purposes if you can't go? Depends what they've got planned really.

You could say you'll just go for the Sat daytime perhaps so you can all go together. I don't think YABU if he won't settle, obviously the problem is you have no idea what he'll be like in 2 months!

I had this when DS1 was about 8mo but it was only a Saturday and Sunday thing. DH and DS1 came with us, we met up for the first part of the event with the rest of the party, then DH took DS off to the hotel and I went with the party. Got back to the hotel a few hours later, fed DS1, got dressed and went out for dinner - DH and DS1 stayed at the hotel and had room service. After the meal, I really wasn't up for going clubbing, so went back to the hotel instead and that was fine. Ds1 slept fine, so did I (not sure about DH! )
Next day, fed DS1 first thing, did the breakfast thing with the party, and then we were on our way after lunch.

Do you think you could do similar, take your DH and DS with you to wherever you'd be staying, so they're on hand for feeding etc.? And them just bugger off and do their own thing while you're doing the "hen" part?

Been to a hen party when brides sister did similar to thumb. He dh was staying at hotel and she popped off ever so often. We never saw the baby until the day we left. one of the best hen parties ive been to and brides sister was certainly dancing at 2am (far longer than i managed!). Can you do something similar?

I'm already all paid up so that's not a problem if I end up backing out. It's a small festival and we're glamping so we all bought our tickets separately and I've paid for the share of the yurt. It does mean DH and DS can't get in till the Saturday on his day ticket but they aren't far away and I had thought I could keep DS with me on the Saturday night.

It will probably all work out fine. I just feel so guilty for doing something for me when I know DS gets upset with bottles. But in a few weeks could all be fine!

Ah yes. That does change things a bit!
And yes, DS might feel very differently in a few weeks' time - keep practising!

Have you ever tried cup feeding? With bf cups not sippy cups I mean. www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/cup-feeding

It's a really good alternative to bottles for breastfed babies - usually when they're younger but still worked for us when DS was 4 months. They tend to be happier as it's sufficiently different from the breast that it doesn't feel like a crap replacement, and also doesn't interfere with their latch. It's more of a faff for your DH but you could try it and it might work for a couple of days?

Actually thinking about it we also found DS was happier top take formula from a bottle as again it was a different drink, but that obviously depends if you're happy to do that yet.

Have had cups recommended and I will look into them. I think we will need to use a bit of formula too. I've got lots of milk in the freezer but it will defrost on way to DBs so then only has 24 hours to be used. Although also will pump more when we get there before I head off.

Not worked out how to bold names to thank individuals but appreciate all advice

Just ordered a cup on Amazon Prime and he's currently looking very interested in my cup of tea so maybe this will go well!

Erm - are you going to hand express while you are in the yurt? Have you practiced that? You will be really sore and uncomfortable if you can't express either manually or with a battery pump. I haven't camped much but there wasn't the power strength to run something like an electric breastpump where there was power. We could barely charge a phone [1st world problems]

That will be mortifyingly loud in a tent. Though DD2 is 3 now so maybe there are newer quieter models.

Ha! I am quite good at hand expressing but was actually planning to get batteries for the pump. Sharing with other mums so hope they will understand and that anyone hearing it from outside mistakes the sound for a particularly inefficient airbed pump!

Keep letting him see you drinking from a cup - my bubs used to love drinking water from a sports bottle at 5 months because he always saw me and his dad doing so. Can you also do some practice runs of DH feeding bubs with formula and you not being around at all - leave the house or go downstairs as i think they can smell the milk. Good luck!

I had two bottle refusers so I hate to be the voice of doom but it might be worth working out a plan b ?

One option is to start dropping the dream feed if you do one? So for the next few weeks your DH gives him a bottle of formula/expressed milk at some point in the evening. Or you do? MN will often tell you that you need to leave the house etc and get your DH to do it, but I found that my DH was a bit task driven and would not force but would keep trying to feed DD1 until she was hysterical. She became a total bottle refusnik. I had much more luck with DD2 by just refusing to feed her at the chosen time and only offering her a bottle. Gently, take it away after a few mins if she wasn't having any of it, and offering again 10 mins later when she started to root again. Eventually she was fine but it's not something you'll achieve quickly though boys are sometimes faster [hungrier sods ]

It will drop your supply though so not a good plan if you are planning to continue to feed longer term?

I'd just go for a short time so you're showing willing but able to get back to see to DS