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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'd like to wish my mother a happy fathers day

14 replies

ztunm · 21/06/2016 13:04

This may get me completely shot down here but...

I've seen this a lot on social media over the weekend, mums being wished a Happy Fathers day, mainly single mums as they supposedly do the role of the father as well.

I wasn't aware parents had set roles. I was under the impression their 'job' was to raise children in the best way they can.

If your mum is so amazing make extra effort on Mothers Day, a day designed to tell your mum how amazing she is!

Is it just me that thinks this?

There are lots of opinions about this amongst my friends ranging from 'but my mum is wonderful and does everything for me' (you're 30, grow up and stop sponging off your mum) to one comment of 'If they picked the men that they had babies with better they wouldn't be doing it on their own' (Not fair on mums that have lost the fathers to their children from illness or accidents).

OP posts:
Littlefluffyclouds81 · 21/06/2016 13:07

My dd2 made me a father's day card. They make a thing of it at school, and of course she wants to join in with the others. It's not her fault she hasn't got a dad. And actually it means just as much to me as mother's day, as it's a recognition that I'm doing two people's work, not just one.

CrazyDuchess · 21/06/2016 13:07

So it's our fault that we didn't pick better???? WTAF and how fucking rude is your friend and you for having the nerve to post that here

ChloeMc · 21/06/2016 13:11

I so agree!!! That's what Mother's Day is for. I've seen lots on my social media too people saying what fab fathers they are for mothers. Something a little bitter about it I think. They are doing a fab job raising their kids, but most are not alone, there are fathers actively involved to, so each has their own role.

OohMavis · 21/06/2016 13:11

It's just a made up day though. Nobody's dying from misplaced appreciation.

(Not fair on mums that have lost the fathers to their children from illness or accidents)

^ I'd like to add that attitudes like the one you describe is also not fair on the mums whose partners turned out to be bastards after many years of not being bastards.

ChloeMc · 21/06/2016 13:12

Actually don't agree on choosing a better father bit, that's not true for all.

OohMavis · 21/06/2016 13:12

are also not fair, that should say.

LadyDeadpool · 21/06/2016 13:13

YANBU I've never understood why some people need to make this statement I have a friend who is now in a relationship and expecting a child with her new partner but constantly posts references to herself as doing the mothers and fathers job and being a single parent.

AliceInHinterland · 21/06/2016 13:17

We are talking about people that are raising kids with no live-in support - they cannot get enough recognition and respect in my book!

AliceInHinterland · 21/06/2016 13:18

The comment about choosing is baffling.

NoCapes · 21/06/2016 13:18

Yabvvvvvvu for the last paragraph alone

Oysterbabe · 21/06/2016 13:20

You know sometimes someone seems perfectly nice then just fucks someone else.

twofingerstoGideon · 21/06/2016 13:21

They are doing a fab job raising their kids, but most are not alone, there are fathers actively involved to, so each has their own role.

I know at least 4 women (myself included) who exes have NO input whatsoever in raising their children - financially, emotionally, or any other way. I'm sure there are men in a similar position. What is wrong with a child acknowledging that the parent fulfils a dual role and thanking them for it? I was delighted to be acknowledged by my DD in this way on Sunday. I've brought her up single-handedly for 17 years, with no 'active involvement' from the other parent. Perhaps the people posting on FB are in the same situation and want to show their appreciation for the parent who really does take on both roles.

finallymadeupmymind · 21/06/2016 16:08

Wow, OP - I am guessing you don't parent on your own.

FWIW I bought myself a small father's day present this year, after encouraging my dc to buy a few things for their father who left us all a few months ago and has not been particularly involved since.

I and many other single mothers do both mothering and fathering, day in day out. And if you want a rather old fashioned gender divide, that means I lugged home a heavy Christmas tree on my own, I have mended fences and cars and hoovers, put bins out etc etc. Yep I realise many other women do these things too - and there is no reason why these are solely male tasks - but in a two-parent household at least some of that is shared. I didn't post any of this on FB, but I can see why some do. I feel proud in some ways that I am managing a double load.

And it isn't just a double load of mothering, it is more thoughtful than that. What are my children missing from having lost a father at home, how can I and others provide those aspects for them?

And as for this: 'If they picked the men that they had babies with better they wouldn't be doing it on their own' (Not fair on mums that have lost the fathers to their children from illness or accidents).

It is also not fair on mums who have lost partners (who seemed like they would be good fathers) to a whole host of circumstances you can never imagine. There is plenty of guilt, believe me, when your family breaks up - perhaps those who have the good fortune not to experience it can show some compassion?

finallymadeupmymind · 21/06/2016 16:10

I don't mean mothering itself isn't 'thoughtful' btw!

I mean that I am overstretched not because I am doing more mothering, it is because I am also thinking about the lost aspects of fathering….

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