Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Do I contact anyone about this?

45 replies

Absolutelynothingelse · 20/06/2016 22:47

I was walking DD home from school and a dad with 2 DS had his hand firmly around the younger DS wrist who was around 5 and was twisting it etc so badly the boy was crying. He was dragging him up the road. After a while I got up behind him and said he could possibly break his wrist if he carried on like that. Well he did carry on like that all the way up the road and told me to mind my own business. I took a photo of him because he just wouldn't let go and the poor boy was crying in pain. He never let the poor boys arm go. It was pretty horrific actually to witness.

OP posts:

kittybiscuits · 20/06/2016 23:28

You know what you saw OP

TheBouquets · 20/06/2016 23:29

Is there another school near your school? Did you recognise the uniform at all? Maybe your HT would be able to advise on what school the child might have been from. Or perhaps it was a large nursery child and less likely to have a uniform. Did you see what house they went into? Clearly you made the man aware that you had seen him and still he carried on. However children do act up but there is always the emotional/ psychological abuse side of the situation. The child would be embarrassed at being hauled along the road like this

Original poster

Absolutelynothingelse · 20/06/2016 23:35

I know which school they go to.
This happened last week.
I'm inclined to do nothing but my conscience says otherwise.

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 20/06/2016 23:42

sometimes it is better to have a firm grip on a wrist then a child under a bus. ds has certainly been held by the wrists (and more often clothing)when he has been a danger to himself, his sister, or the general public during and autistic meltdown. I am always aware of preventing damage to ds as well, but sometimes he is such a danger to himself that he has to be held somehow.

however, sometimes the firm grip on the wrist is too much and not a safety measure but an angry response. difficult to tell from your description. you were the one there.

ds shouts out don't push me... you are hurting etc when I am doing nothing of the sort. drives me bonkers.

ds is hypermobile so bends his arm about and it must look terrible. the difference is though that we are usually standing still at this point trying to contain the meltdown not dragging them along.

I think this is not something you are going to be able to convey with words. people need to be able to see what actually happened to reach a proper judgement. you are the one who is going to have to decide whether it was reasonable restraint or too much.

BackforGood · 20/06/2016 23:47

You've completely crossed a line taking a photograph of him

Parents have to put up with dc not wanting to walk safely along next to them quite a bit. Holding their wrist / arm might not be ideal, but it's a darn sight better than having your child run into the road. dc do say "you're hurting me" when you clearly aren't. They also wriggles and pull and get themselves into positions where it might hurt, but it wouldn't if they just did as they were told.

EssexMummy1234 · 20/06/2016 23:48

Please please report, let the school or SS decide if there's a case to answer, that shouldn't be on your shoulders.

Out2pasture · 20/06/2016 23:50

please report, it is not your job to assess the situation.

dublingirl48653 · 20/06/2016 23:50

go ahead and report it as soon as you can

i drove by a father whacking his son in his car in a car park yesterday
so wish i had the guts to stop :(

lots of people walked by - they looked in and kept walking

Original poster

Absolutelynothingelse · 20/06/2016 23:53

I read somewhere years ago when I was first pregnant that lots of kids dislocate their shoulders where parents drag them by the arm. I know it's common and we pretty much all do it if we have to put their safety first ie running out in front of cars etc.

It was just so brutal in this instance.

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 20/06/2016 23:56

Please report it to the school OP tomorrow morning,you can show them the picture and they'll know what to do.

I witnessed a Father abusing his son once when I was taking my DC to school he was really hurting his son I shouted at him and he still carried on.I went straight to the school and reported it they were really pleased I reported it,it was the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle that they needed.He was removed from his Fathers care and was placed with other family members.
That was years ago now and he stayed with his other family,I've seen him since and he's told me me stepping in for him changed his life for the better.

I worked at the school and worked with SS but the Dad had no idea who I was or what I did.There could be alot more alot worse going on at home or it could be that the Dad lost his patience and went to far,none of us can say but either way what he was doing wasn't great and it should be looked into for the sake of his children.

Original poster

Absolutelynothingelse · 21/06/2016 00:00

Yes ontheholidays that's the thing he didn't stop, he didn't care, he just didn't care. There was no reason for him to keep twisting the boys arm all that way, no reason at all.

OP posts:

Elismum669 · 21/06/2016 00:01

Talk to your headteacher and ask him/her to spk to other school - you know what you saw and the mere fact it's still bothering you from last week? If it's all innocent then the father has no reason to be bothered - go with your instinct

ohtheholidays · 21/06/2016 00:03

It is horrible to witness OP,like I said the incident I witnessed was years ago but sadly I can still recall it very well.

PerpendicularVincent · 21/06/2016 00:07

I would definitely speak to the school. If there's nothing wrong then fine, but it could be a pattern of behaviour.

Better to find out that the little boy is ok. Ignore any accusations of nosiness/mind your own business etc. We all have a responsibility to safeguard.

Original poster

Absolutelynothingelse · 21/06/2016 00:14

I will go to the school. I'm more worried that the boy will get into trouble with his dad if I say anything, but I guess that's kind of the point of going.

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 21/06/2016 00:22

Well done Absolutelynothingelse. If this is nothing then whoever investigates it will know that.

Italiangreyhound · 21/06/2016 00:24

Re "...you are the one who is going to have to decide whether it was reasonable restraint or too much."

I don't think that is how it works, someone makes an accusation and social services or the school just take the person's word for it! They will investigate and it will not be just what the OP says.

It the dad who either did or did not cross the line here.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 21/06/2016 00:54

You are at least right to ask some more questions.

ShatnersBassoon · 21/06/2016 07:36

What would you have done, Shatners?...

I'd call the police. I think a little boy deserves as much concern as an adult, so I'd at least go in to the school to let them know I was worried about him.

Original poster

Absolutelynothingelse · 22/06/2016 14:00

I went into the school today after listening to Ellie Butlers Grandfather talking on Radio 2 and thinking about the utter travesty that happened there and the arrogant Judge Hogg and the incomprehensible way she passed Ellie over to her Murderer and told SS and the grandparents they would be in contempt of court if they tried to intervene on Ellie's behalf.
Anyway I digress.
I went into the School and spoke to the relevant people and I got the impression this poor boy was already on their radar so I feel confident I have done the right thing by him.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2