AIBU, to feel angry that she stole my baby name after mc?

[Whooptydoo1]

Hi, over the past couple of years I've had 5 miscarriages, I had one DS prior to the string of mc, we had always said that if we had a daughter we would call her "X" when I was a couple of months pregnant prior to my first mc, a close family member also became pregnant, we were discussing baby names and I mentioned that we wanted the name "X", fast forward several months and I've lost my baby, she then gives birth and announces babies name as "X". We'd discussed her ideas for names and she never once mentioned this name again, in fact referring to several others until it was announced the name would be a 'surprise'. Am I out of order for feeling really hurt/angry about this? Thanks everyone x

YANBU to feel the way you feel - of course it is hurtful.

YAatinybitU if you are not able to see that in all likelihood no offence was intended.
From when I was 10 'my' girls' name was always going to be 'Anna'.
I did not have a girl and I did accept that Anna would have been a rather odd name for a boy. There are several Annas in my wider family and it still sometimes gives me a twinge, but it is a lovely name and I am glad it is being used.

Maybe with time you can make your peace with it.
And, btw, do use it if you do have a girl - families survive several children having similar/same names IME.

MCs suck, I am sorry you have to deal with that.

Thanks everyone, it seems ppl are quite divided, I can see both sides myself and know that I'm being influenced by my emotions, I appreciate the different views though, and you've made me think of aspects of it in a way I hadn't done before, it just stung a bit, but so does the sound of babies crying and numerous other things which are batshit crazy, I just need a firm punch in the jugular to pull myself together again! X

I've been in the position that your family member is in (although slightly different situation). A friend was pregnant (they already had children) and said that she really liked the name X. My heart sank because it was my favourite girl's name. However, I was proving to be infertile and couldn't possibly announce that these are the names that I have reserved because there was a good chance I wouldn't get to use them. Plus it would have looked a bit pathetic.

My friend miscarried, which was very sad. She and her husband had said that they didn't want to discuss it so we didn't.

After IVF, I have two children and called my daughter X (which is also the name of another friend's daughter).

Ah, I've cross posted with you. It sounds as though you are having a hard time - I hope things get easier.

Feel your pain OP. I'm so sorry for your losses.

YANBU to be upset. Without knowing her, and how common the name is, it is hard to tell if she is BU. Regardless, when you get your baby, call it WTF you want :)

I'm a bit confused, sorry. Has your friend kept the child's name a secret from you since it was born?? Child must be, what, a year to 18 months old by now? If I've interpreted that correctly then she must have known her decision would be hurtful to you.

I'd have thought there were enough other names out there to pick from!!

YANBU

I understand you must understandly feel upset but in the nicest possible way you don't own the name.
I had a still birth a few years ago a dd my friend had a dd 10 months after and called her the same I feel sad every time I see the little girl because it makes me think what my little dd would of been Like.
It's just life unfortunately the world carries on and people use the name time again after a loss.

I know others have said it's a bit insensitive, but actually I think it's cruel.

There are so many beautiful names out there, and she could have used it as a middle name, but she knowing the pain you'd gone through used it as a first name.

I feel for you.

I think it's cruel too actually. Given the circumstances and the fact there are many many names it's insensitive at best, but people generally just don't understand the impact of reoccurring miscarriages.

OP, I know what a horrible situation your in regarding miscarriages (number 6 three weeks ago) so I'm in the same situation as you and it is beyond devastating so for you, keep strong and be kind to yourself x it's all you can do x along with occasionally having a bloody good cry

Sometimes people should just be a bit nicer than they are.

This pretty much sums it up for me.

I am so sorry for your losses.

YANBU for feeling aggrieved in your circumstances but a little bit in thinking that she IBU.

In my case, we lost our first DS late in the pregnancy and named him. My dear friend was pregnant at the same time and happily had her baby some months later. I became his godmother to my joy.

Then, when she was expecting her second she confided in me that they had wanted to call the first by the name we chose for our DS1. She asked my permission to call the second baby that name if it was a boy. When her second little boy was born I was both warned and delighted that he carried the name we loved enough to give our child. I still cannot believe that they changed their plans the first time round to protect my feelings.

It was too hard for my friend to ask the first time round knowing that I had just lost my child. Perhaps it was too hard for your relation to know how to broach it.

Don't be too hard on yourself. A punch in the jugular is a bit extreme. Perhaps, don't be too hard on her either.

If you do have another baby, and it turns out the right gender for the name, perhaps you could use it anyway? My inseparable friend from babyhood has the same name as me. It never caused an issue (though her parents asked mine if it was ok before naming her - I'm slightly older). You may find the two children have a special bond in having the same name.

This is also one of the reasons I am really cagey about what names we are considering for our baby. Did the same first time round as well. No one has any ideas of our potential names so we can't feel put out if they use it.

I also feel really uncomfortable with people naming babies before they are born. It just feels wrong to me but then I have sadly known 3 babies who were still born so I think it's tempting fate. Each to there own I know.