Maybe I didn't explain my reasons for the idea of making her wait regarding friends coming over. I don't mind a few nags of friends coming over, but it got to the point that as soon as she stepped out of the school door the first thing she would say is "can so and so come round, can she, can she. can she" and usually with the said child looking at me all puppy eyed. So we had words about how her behaviour isn't nice for me, or for the child when i said no.
I tried the "not tonight", or "we'll see" and after a while she just stopped asking and started jumping up and down chanting her mantra. And to be honest it got boring and it put me in an awkward situation with the child and/or parents.
We have things on after school most days, so 4 out of 5 days a week it's home, cook dinner and go off somewhere and she knew this but still made a song and dance of it each afternoon. That is why I told her she would have to wait a month if she kept up that behaviour.
Would I have stuck to it? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. Definitely if she hadn't learnt her lesson and continued in the same vain.
As it goes, she stopped instantly and we've had about 3 weeks now without the nagging. And no not all kids want constant playdates. My older child didn't and when she did have them, she really appreciated them.
I don't want my kids growing up not being able to entertain themselves, always needing company etc, and to be honest after a whole day with some friends in her class I think it could be more healthy to have a break. They are both as bad as each other and are as silly as one another when together.
Besides if I wanted a 3rd child surely I would just of had a 3rd child!? Anyway I digress, I must be terrible to not let her have someone over once or twice a week. I just don't see other friends doing it so maybe we live in an area where we don't have constant playdates.
As for apologising for her actions. I want her to be aware that not everyone sees the nice things she does when she's home. Sometimes all people see are the silly things she does such as refusing to get off the play equipment, jumping in the car with her mate, and like I said, the continual nagging over playdates.
If those are all you see, then yes I do think you might think she's a bit of a brat, and might think your child is copying her. As it goes I know these two are as bad as each other and just acting out.
I had another chat about how some grown up say the wrong thing and how that isn't right but we have to understand they just do.
I don't want her to think it's ok as it isn't, but I want her to understand we don't know the context of what happened and what lead to the remark in the first place.
I just explained that we have to use the invisible filter in our heads so we don't say everything we think, bad and good!
She didn't hear this conversation, just retold by her friend. I've no reason to think this child is stirring or lying. She told DD afterwards that her mother asked her not to tell mine about what she had said.
I get along with the mum, our daughters are good friends, I don't want to rock the boat and upset anyone. I don't want to risk their friendship by asking the mum what happened and why she said that. Like I mentioned I don't know what happened in the run up to this being said.
I think it's good for kids to realise that not everyone thinks the sun shines out of your backside, even if your parents do.
How am I setting her up for the future if she thinks everyone will love her, even when is is being a complete nightmare. It's a big bad world out there and I don't want her to think she's something special and then not be able to cope.
That said, I do think the words used were harsh and uncalled for. If she had said she was being a brat or difficult it wouldn't have even made it on my radar but to call a 9 year old a bitch is just mean, to then call her friend one too is unnecessary.