AIBU to not want to talk about finances with anyone?

[Mumtogremlins]

Just had an argument with DS. We never talk about our income or any of our family finances with anyone at all. He's just told his mother about some income we get and how much. I asked him if he could not talk about exact amounts as there was no need to tell her, and could he respect that I feel that way. He went mad at me and said I'd never said he couldn't say anything. He has this relationship with his mother where she's like the Spanish Inquisition and he then has verbal diarrhoea! Am I being unreasonable in not wanting him to talk about finances when we never have before?

*fair enough he wasn't upset, sorry. Not enough coffee!

I wouldn't tend to discuss finances openly as we are in a financially quite fortunate position. However, I dont class immediate close family as "openly". My mum knows about our finances as her and dad are a good sounding board for us, plus she did the probate for DH whose parents died when he was in his late teens so she knows there was life insurance, etc. It just goes to show how things can vary from family to family. My parents are, however, very discreet and would never blab to my brothers or anyone else.

It does seem a little controlling to have topics that are off-limits, but in this case, where you have discussed that finances will remain between the two of you yet MIL seemingly "pumped"him for information (and there is clearly a back story for your mistrust/dislike of her) then I guess his loyalty should be to you.

He should have discussed it with you in advance as to what you are both happy to let your parents know about your finances. My parents would not have asked and I don't ask my adult children but if they choose to tell me (as they sometimes do in excitement when they get a pay rise, bonus, new job or buy a property) then that's fine. I repsect their privacy and confidentiality. Sometimes peoople want a parent's perspective on an important financial decision too - my son is buying a flat and has asked for advice on a few issues (more than his sister did).

If you have never told him your family income is scret from his family then he is fair enough not to realise it is if he has a fairly open relationship wit his parents. Couples should discuss this kind of thing even befoer they marry as families differ so much. My parents and in my long marriage my other half and I always saw and read and knew everything about each other, bank statements, tax returns etc etc. My parents always posted us all copies of all new wills etc - total open-ness. Other familes are like fort knox and wife does not even know what husband earns. Neither is right or wrong (although due to my up bringing I am in favour of being open with a spouse but what you tell the wider family is for the couple to decide between them), just different.