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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I can't study full time with small children

45 replies

justnotaballetmum · 19/06/2016 10:44

I want, very much, to be told I am BU :)

Is it possible to look into retraining with preschool children?

There's no support network, and whilst an au pair may be feasible, a nanny wouldn't be.

The sort of retraining I am looking at would involve anti social hours and so would the eventual job, so I do need to take these factors into account too.

OP posts:

Original poster

justnotaballetmum · 19/06/2016 15:05

I'm not sure I'd be entitled to student finance, as I already have a degree.

OP posts:

Owllady · 19/06/2016 15:07

I did it and had an unexpected pregnancy and baby in between
I worked pt as well. Looking back, I'm not sure how I did it but the thing I found the hardest was paying for childcare

NickyEds · 19/06/2016 15:08

How old are your dc? An au pair can not be left in sole charge of under 2s I don't think. As I understand it you would need to provide a comfortable room, food and pocket money of around £70 ish a week (depending on hours). If an au pair is your only planned childcare then no I don't think it's feasible. Sorry.

Original poster

justnotaballetmum · 19/06/2016 15:09

Why not if only planned childcare (out of interest? :))

OP posts:

NickyEds · 19/06/2016 15:13

I just don't see how it would be possible to attend lectures/placements etc without nursery, pre school, nanny or childminder. I'm not sure on the rules but I just done think an au pair can be used in place of these??

It does seem that the pp who have done it have used childcare or waited until their dc are in school

CallWaiting · 19/06/2016 15:13

Just had a thought! Some unis have childcare facilities which it might be worth enquiring about

Atenco · 19/06/2016 16:04

Could you not find something that you would like just as much but without unsociable hours?

Askja · 19/06/2016 16:26

Even as a second degree I think you will still be eligible for student finance for nursing, including the childcare grant - you can give them a ring and check.

vikingorigins · 19/06/2016 16:54

I did my degree full time whilst also holding down 2 part time jobs, with 4 DC aged 2, 4, 6 and 7.

DH had to step up, and we had handy GPs living near, or it wouldn't have worked. Essays were written on a Sunday (all day) while DH and the DCs went out.

TBH there is little point taking a job with anti social hours once your DC are at school. You'd never see them, plus out of hours childcare is very difficult to find. I used to work my second job from 4pm to 7pm and that became a real pain very quickly.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 19/06/2016 16:56

If it's nursing/midwifery I did it with a 4yo.

It was hard work and I had to juggle childcare on a week by week basis. We had a childminder for dd who would start at 7am and have her till 6:30pm. Dh had to do a lot of drop offs/pick ups if I was doing shifts.

isharewifinotsextoys · 19/06/2016 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 19/06/2016 17:01

Just seen it is nursing and looks like there's no DP.

I know someone who did it as a single parent but when she did nights her mum would have dc. And the childminder would have them till 10pm when she did a late shift.

I don't know what financial help you would be entitled to but when I did my training I couldn't get child tax credit for childminding costs as doing a degree isn't counted as working. So if I had been in a low income and paying a CM I would have got help. But when I was in an even lower income (bursary) I got no help with childcare costs.

mygrandchildrenrock · 19/06/2016 17:32

I did my degree as a single parent, my children were 3, 5 & 9 when I started. I used to take them into lectures during half term (which most Universities don't have) and I would put my older one into the museum next to the Uni for an hour or two- I don't suppose you could do that now!
I used to do all my written work at 8 pm once they'd gone to bed. The hardest thing was getting them to school/nursery/uni walking and on buses. It used to take me 1 1/2 hrs each way, I bought a car in my second year which helped considerably!
This was back in the days before breakfast and after school clubs, I used to pay an old lady to pick the oldest two up from school twice a week and give them tea. I used to plate up sandwhiches, etc.
It was logistically hard work, but well worth it. I didn't have to do anti-social hours though.
Good luck if you decide to do it.

BillyBlueCack · 19/06/2016 19:01

OP I'm eligible for student finances and I have a previous degree. It's different because it's NHS.

The degree is no longer funded though so you will need to consider the extra debt. It's 'positive' debt though, the way I think about it. Although it still sucks.

Night shifts and weekend shift's will be tough without help though.

Even day time help. Shifts will start at 7am and others will end at 7-8pm.
So you'll miss breakfast AND bedtimes potentially.

It's anything but 9-5

BillyBlueCack · 19/06/2016 19:02

Also it's a really fucking hard degree to get onto.
I had to jump through a lot of hoops to get onto my nursing degree.

I had to have studied within the last 5 years as well. Thankfully my degree was 5 years old.

NickyEds · 19/06/2016 23:17

Ishare how so? I think the op could be really committed and really hard working but some things are just not logistically feasible with very young children, no childcare and no support. I would definite look into every single bit of help to you might be entitled to.

MissDuke · 20/06/2016 00:44

Op, no one can answer this for you, you need to sit down yourself and work out the logistics. I spent months planning out how we would cope, and that's with grandparents, siblings and lots of friends helping us out.It has been the hardest three years of my life but I am at the finish line now. I couldn't have done it without all this help and DH's flexible job. I think you should google au pair rules but I do think they are very restricted in how many hours they can work, I highly doubt you could do nursing with just an au pair for help. The shifts can be brutal, with essays/exams alongside.

All the single parents in my class have lots of family support. I love midwifery but the thought of working xmas day is already making me feel sick. Would you have childcare for holiday time when you are qualified? The realities are that the shifts can be awful (I am sure you know this, but so did I and I still find it hard).

HOWEVER - I love it, have had an amazing three years, don't regret a minute of it and am incredibly proud of myself!!! So if you can possibly make it work, then go for it

embarrasseddoesntcutit · 20/06/2016 00:50

Yes it is. My mum went back to uni to retrain in a completely different field, having never been to uni before. I was 16, my sister was 11 and my brothers were 9months, 3 and 5. she got a 2:1.

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 20/06/2016 03:26

I am doing it now, and have 2 DCs with disabilities (one who is quite high needs).

I am not going to pretend it is easy, but I am stubborn, and currently maintaining respectable grades. I know it'll be worthwhile in the long run, and am very committed to success.

It takes a strong commitment - not just from you, but from those around you, too. I see the 'pains' of study as a means to an end.

However, for you, OP, my concern would be that the antisocial hours will continue past the end of your study. Is that something you think is manageable long term for you?

jellyjiggles · 20/06/2016 03:52

I did it! I didn't sleep for 2 years and it was hard hard work but it's possible.

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