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AIBU?

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Original poster

to what to n ow why he is arrested.

45 replies

icandothis64 · 18/06/2016 07:56

Background. DH and I living in same house with two teenagers even though divorcing. Very acrimonious. Another story! Yesterday absolute arrived. Even though teenage son only home last night from school trip all week DH who wasn't aware I had applied for a suite went out to pub. He is a functioning alcoholic. New problem. We still live in same house. Knock on door last night. Policeman there. Have got now XH. Won't say why other than he was worse for wear and would not be home tonight. Fortunately kids were asleep. Only just. Now 8am. Not home. Racking my brains as to what he has done. They don't arrest you for being drunk alone. Must have done something. Fight? Criminal damage? Drugs? Although not my problem been awake all night. Kids will be awake soon as see he is not home. Don't know what to do. Have googled everything to see if any disturbances last nigh but nothing so far.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 18/06/2016 09:46

Agree with PP be breezy with kids until you know more.

As an aside, and yes, I know this isn't what you posted looking for advice on, but what the fuck is he doing living in your house when you have a decree absolute? Is he moving on soon? Are you?

I didn't think you could get a divorce without settling property rights - do you rent?

The reason I ask this is that if he is a functioning alcoholic, this isn't going to be a lone incident is it? If you plan to continue living with him you need to develop a strategy of dealing with this I wouldn't

I hope it all gets resolved soon.

BastardGoDarkly · 18/06/2016 09:48

He's still living in the same house Doreen the op has already said, if he didn't, she'd neither know nor care, but he does

KissMyArse · 18/06/2016 09:51

Tell them he went our last night and is staying with a friend (Mr Plod).

Why would you suspect drugs - does he have a history of using illegal substances? Far more likely to be alcohol-related based on the information you've given (drunk & disorderly, drunk & incapable etc.).

ptumbi · 18/06/2016 09:55

Not sure why the teenager can't go to work without seeing her dad, or how this will work when you are living apart, OP.

If she is old enough to work, she is old enough to know what is going on. If he is acting in such a way as to cause her distress, then it is something he needs to sort out with her. I get that you are being protective, but surely, she needs to learn a) that her father is an adult, and a jerk, and b) that she needs to be able to deal with that and carry on with her own life when he does these things.

DoreenLethal · 18/06/2016 09:57

He's still living in the same house Doreen the op has already said, if he didn't, she'd neither know nor care, but he does

Yes I know that. Which is why I said 'But if your teen won't go to work until they have seen their dad - what is going to happen when you are not living together?'

NoahVale · 18/06/2016 09:59

the teen is obviously worried, they know something is occurring. they could well be assuming drink driving. or hospital they are not stupid

ptumbi · 18/06/2016 10:05

Is it that - as you are in the same house - the teenagers don't actually know what's going on OP?

Have you had the talk with them?

Do they actually think everything is ok, except they know it isnt because of small things that you think they've not noticed or known about?

Please be straight with them. Teenagers, even 'vulnerable' ones (whatever that means) can and do (and have to) process the truth.

loobyloo1234 · 18/06/2016 10:11

If drunk and disorderly OP, likely letting him sleep it off and will be released this morning. He is allowed a phone call though I would think so lets hope he calls you to explain

chickenowner · 18/06/2016 10:13

I think that DOREEN is behaving like a troll. Ignore them!

KissMyArse · 18/06/2016 10:14

Ring the station. They will tell you

No, they won't. He's an adult and if he doesn't want people to be told then the Police cannot give that information out. It would be the same if it was her child and they were over the age of 18.

SkyRabbit · 18/06/2016 10:24

He could have been arrested for absolutely anything, but the most likely answer is either drunk and disorderly or drink driving if he has an alcohol problem I guess.
He has no right to a phone call, that's the USA. He has a right for someone to be told where he is. As he's over 18, the police will not tell you anything about it unfortunately.
I can see why you're concerned, but unfortunately I think you're going to have to wait until he gets home. If he's been polite and calm with the police, and they're not busy, they may let him call you to let you know what's happening, but it's not a right. Sorry Sad

NoahVale · 18/06/2016 11:44

can you refuse to have him back op?

DoreenLethal · 18/06/2016 15:38

I think that DOREEN is behaving like a troll. Ignore them!

Am I? Or am I just pointing out that it is actually not her concern any more?

Original poster
icandothis64 · 18/06/2016 16:34

Update. He was arrested last night after head butted. someone during an art exhibition! Yes he was drunk. Not released yet. Don't know exactly where he is and they won't tell me as its not my name as the nominated person or his mate who he was with last night as he came to the station with me.

To clarify the daughter. She is very happy to go to work without seeing her dad. My point was if she thought he was in trouble and at the time I posted I had no idea what it was, THEN she wouldn't want to go to work.

My job in life is to protect my kids even when their dad is being an arse. DS had noticed he is not here but not asked. any more. He will do thought if XH is not back my morning to get his Father's Day cards.

Am taking the advise. Be breezy and upbeat. Hopefully they can only hold him for 24 hours so he will be home
Later.

And finally. I HATE living like this. XH is refusing to allow house to be sold so I have to wait for a court order hopefully next month to allow that and possible have him evicted of he prevents a sale. So all that fun to come. So my life is horrible and I am almost being held hostage in my own home.

Yes you can get an absolute with finances still unsettled. It's not advisable as usually a wife would them not be entitled to pensions etc if he dropped dead. In my case he doesn't have any and infact he is the one worse off. So have done this to push him towards finally signing everything.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 18/06/2016 17:06

Sorry, I know this isn't funny but Confused that it was at an art exhibition. Perhaps it was really bad art Shock

SmellyTelly · 18/06/2016 17:58

so your dh gets arrested over nothing and my neighbour who has been harrassing me for months has yet to be arrested. Police love to pick and choose who they arrest.

fastdaytears · 18/06/2016 18:00

Errr head butting someone is hardly nothing!

branofthemist · 18/06/2016 18:02

He may not be home until he goes to court. Could be Monday.

Be honest with you kids tonight. Your Dd needs to understand she needs to go to work, even when her dad is being a cock. If she calls in sick every time an alcoholic acts like a dick, she will find it hard to hold down a job.

Crispbutty · 18/06/2016 18:12

Head butting is serious assault .. Hardly nothing.

KissMyArse · 18/06/2016 18:17

Has your neighbour headbutted you then SmellyTelly? If so I'd be outraged that he hasn't been arrested and wold take it further.

OP - he's unlikely to be released before a court appearance on Monday as it's assault. If he's used the excuse that he was upset about the decree absolute then there's no way he would be bailed back into your home at this point due to the potential risk to you.

I think you need to tell your children as gently as possible Sad

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